Carlyy17 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. Things have been going great. There is only one problem that causes us to fight...which happens to be a few of my friends. He cannot stand when I hang out with them. He claims he is ok with it and he wants me to hang out with them; however, when I do, I seem to get the silent treatment and the cold shoulder. The first time he met my friends, (when I say friends I mean two girls in particular) they were obnoxiously drunk. They were actually fist fighting one another at 5 in the morning. One of them was blacked out and came out of the bathroom only wearing underwear and a bra. She was in the room with my boyfriend (who was not my boyfriend at the time) asking him why he would not have sex with her. When she drinks, she tends to black out and not have a clue what she is doing. That's a whole other story though... The other girl was just extremely loud and being very obnoxious. Since then, my boyfriend and I had become close and started dating not long after that. Now, I do understand that those two girls are not the greatest people to hang out with, especially when they are drinking. I do understand why he would not want me around people that get like that. Since the first time, he has hung out with them. After we started dating, the one girl got very drunk again and hooked up with his close friend. He refuses to hang out with them and absolutely hates it when I do. I have been friends with the one girl since kindergarten. The other girl I have been close with all through high school. They are both close friends as well. I feel like this puts me in a horrible situation. Whatever I do, someone winds up getting mad at me. I am not a big drinker and my friends are. I can't seem to get my boyfriend to understand that I will not ever get drunk like they do or do anything wrong to him. He seems to think they would pressure me into cheating on him or something like that if I am out drinking with them. Truth is, I absolutelyy HATE drinking or going out to bars with my friends. All through high school i was the DD. I got in trouble all the time for coming home late because my friends wouldn't get in the car to go home because they were drunk. I always end up being the babysitter. You are probably asking why I am still friends with them today. Honestly, I don't know. They have been my friends for a long time and I cant just end a friendship like that... I won't do it. They are good people and fun to hang out with...when sober. Problem is, this weekend I am going to Canada with my friends. I tried to get out of it, but they got mad and knew I was making excuses. Eventually I gave it and agreed to go. My boyfriend told me he wouldn't be mad cause he could see I didn't know what to do about it. I am leaving on Friday morning and now i feel like my boyfriend is already annoyed. Even though I he said he wouldnt be. He told me at 9 that he was tired going to bed and would call me in the morning. (Never does he go to bed that early!) I asked if I was going to see him tomorrow. He said yes but then I reminded him that I had a night class and was staying at my friends before leaving in the monring...so we would have to hang out during the day. And he said that we werent going to see each other. From the way he is acting, I know this is going to cause a huge fight. I simply cannot win. I hate having people mad at me. I hate disappointing anyone. Either my friends are mad or he is mad. Cant win..ever. I am absolutely dreading the weekend. The only reason we are going is for the bars. (they are 20..drinking age is 19) To me, it is completely ridiculous to drive 8 hours to go out to bars. Anyway, I am going insane right now and dreading this weekend. Anyone know of what I should do? Should I just go and play it out? Should I talk to my boyfriend about it? I feel like whatever I do, someone is going to end up being mad at me!
CarrieT Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 You are far too concerned how other people view you. What would make YOU happy? Do that and stick to your guns; you have to be true to yourself even though you are ultimately going to piss off somebody (either your friends or your BF). In the long run, you will feel better because you won't be beating yourself up over how you think other people feel about you. You will feel better because you will be treating yourself with respect.
boldjack Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Carrie is certainly right about being true to yourself, but there are other issues here. How serious are you about your BF? If this is a potential LTR, then why would you do something to jeopardize it? There will be many other weekends and your friends, if they are your friends, will understand. It seems to come down to who is more important to YOU. If you choose a weekend with the girls over your BF, don't kid yourself, he will remember.
Treasa Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Geez, who cares if someone's mad at you? And honestly, if you really wanted to get out of the trip, you could just firmly tell them, "Sorry, but I'm not going. Have fun, though!" At some point you have to start being true to what YOU want. Personally, I wouldn't be able to stand these two friends of yours. I cut ties with toxic people. It's your call, but running around like crazy isn't going to make people respect or like you, and it's going to make you hate yourself and feel drained.
dreamergrl Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 You need to figure out what YOU want, put your foot down, and stick to it.
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