angieg101 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I really could use some advise. My exbf of 6 months and I have been seeing each other/communicating regularly since our initial break-up. The break up wasn't messing, it just wasn't a good time for either of us. Anyway, we are now causally dating again, trying to see where things may lead. Some of my girl friends don't think I should re-visit this relationship for whatever reason and they have express this via text. I have also voiced some skepticism to my girls via text, but I've decided to see where the relationship leads. So yesterday after hanging out at this house, I left my phone, which doesn't have a lock. Halfway home I realized that I didn't have it so I stopped at a gas station, called him and told him I was coming back for it. When we were on the phone he sounded a bit off and then when I went to get the phone he seemed a bit distant. Based on his actions I believe he read my messages and looked through my phone. We are not officially together yet so we both are allowed to see other people (even tho I'm not). Some of the messages about him were a bit harsh and exaggerated. Anyone reading it without the appropriate context could get a very negative impression. I really care about this guy and would like to try to work things out with him. Everything was going well until this phone incident. My question is: do I confront him about possibly reading my text messages or do I leave it alone? He's been the one pursuing me recently so I think this may cause him to back off and I don't want that. How do I get that point across without seeming like him chasing him? Any advise is welcomed. Thanks.
likeORIGAMI Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 If you really believe thats the reason for his behavior, then I suggest coming forward, and taking the time to explain the nature of the messages to him. Would you consider him in the wrong for reading your messages?
spookie Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 What was he doing reading your messages? That's a serious invasion of privacy. He had it coming, whatever it was. I don't think you should confront him but I also think you should re-evaulate getting back involved with him. It seems like there's very little trust between you two.
Treasa Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I'm with spookie on this one. Or, if you really like him, just let him contact you. If he really likes you, and wants to keep dating you, he'll let you know. You can be friendly, but don't worry too much about it.
Author angieg101 Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Thanks guys for your input, I really appreciate it. I've been thinking about this all day and I can honestly say that I know I'm not in the wrong, he should have never crossed that line. I just feel bad because I think he has the wrong impression of how I feel about him and that's not something I want. On the other hand, if he did look at my messages, that was a complete breach of trust and privacy, so should I even care what impression he may or may not have? I don't know, everything's so muddy. I care about him a lot and want to think the best of him but my paranoia is killing me. Should I just wait and see if he contacts me? He normally calls once a week--sometimes a little longer, but he always checks in at some point. Or should I call him sooner than later and try to get a gauge of what he's thinking?
bean1 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I wouldn't be so quick to disregard your friend's opinions, they are only out for YOUR interest
hindsfeet Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 bean's right. friends are usually the ones that love us despite who we are. they care about you. the guy, if he was being nosey, i believe kinda got what was coming for him. also, if you want to pursue him and really care about him, talk to him about it. if he has a problem with you having messages from other guys, then maybe he should straighten out. communication is a very important thing for a relationship that works. work on it. when he is the only guy you want texting because you're not interested in other guys, problem will fix its self. (until then, can i get your number? lol) seriously something to consider would be how he responds when you touch his phone. if he wigs out, somethings up and guilty conscience could be a part of that.
Author angieg101 Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Thanks again for the advise! Communication and others interfering in our relationship has always been a problem. When we first started dating I had some serious walls up because of a previous relationship. My ex's friends had their reservations about me because I did not feed into their prototype of a girlfriend. I'm very independent--had a very independent life outside of my ex, I don't seek others approval and I don't sugar-coat things. My ex and I got along very well but he was always very insecure with our relationship. He always thought there was someone else and their never was--and I never gave him a reason to think that there was. Anyway, he was the one to end things with me. As much as it hurt, I let him go but he kept holding on--calling weekly until we started having mini-dates once a month. I'm not actively dating anyone. I know he has been out with other girls but according to him, it didn't "mean" anything and at the end of the day he's calling me. I want to be with him but I know the timing isn't right for us right now. I think we both are afraid of completely disconnecting from one another (up till now, more him than me). If he really did read my messages, that is not acceptable. The only reason why I could see him doing it is because he insecure and doesn't know how to ask me the tough questions he may have been pondering (ie is there someone else in my life). I'm not really concerned about the messages between me and other guys cause they are innonect and I am single. I am more concerned about the text messages between my best friend and I that involve him because those were more personally directed towards him and what we think he's all about. I never wanted to hurt him and these messages out of context could be very hurtful to him and ultimately our friendship/relationship. It just sucks that such drama can be brought on by a few text messages between friends. But at this point I really don't think it would be a good idea to say anything to him about it. In fact, I don't think I'll be making contact with him unless he reaches out to me first....
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