Cora Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I guess I'm just fed up with dating. You ever get to the point where you just want to quit and give up because you are tired of all the crap? You ever get tired of feeling used, abused, played and lied to constantly? I know it's got a lot to do with myself. Sometimes I have a very negative outlook on things combined with low self esteem.....guess it doesn't help matters much. I also have the problem of becoming attached way too quickly to guys. It's like they show the slightest bit of interest in me and then BOOM I'm head over heels! It's a recipe for disaster and heartbreak but yet I do it every time. What the hell is wrong with me? It's the same scenerio every time. Guy shows interest in me....I get attached to this guy who I barely even know...Guy loses interest or finds someone else and I'm left hurt. Why do I continue to set myself up for this agony? I'm guessing it has a lot to do with the self esteem. I am also VERY insecure, clingy and often come off as desperate. WOW I'm sure guys find that REAL attractive! What a great catch huh? I have realized that I'm going to continue to be used, abused, played and lied to until I stop settling for less than I deserve and of course that can't happen until I'm able to believe I deserve better...sigh. It's like a neverending process. I don't have the right mindset obviously to be dating right now and it sucks that I just now realized it. Could of saved myself a lot of headache. So I'm stepping back....taking a break from dating. I'm so tired of being hurt and sometimes I just want to shut down completely. I guess I just need time to work on myself....how the hell can you expect someone to ever love you if you don't love yourself right? I'm just miserable and depressed....not a good time to be dating. Does anyone ever get to this point? Or do I just have major problems and issues? Maybe I'm just completely screwed up right now. Anyway, this was just a rant of sorts. So don't pay any attention to me. It just felt good to get it out.
Groovy Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Yes, your not alone. I am 37 next month (uggh) and it breaks me apart that I am still single sometimes. But I refuse to settle and with all the crime and STDs I refuse to play around. Take a break....You have 2 choices, to either settle for someone here right now or grow in areas like money, home improvement, health, etc. I can't tell you how many people have approached me why I don't have kids or am married. If I was a guy you know I would never get that question! Sorry, rambling. By the way we have the same first name:)
MeMyself&I Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I guess I'm just fed up with dating. You ever get to the point where you just want to quit and give up because you are tired of all the crap? You ever get tired of feeling used, abused, played and lied to constantly? I know it's got a lot to do with myself. Sometimes I have a very negative outlook on things combined with low self esteem.....guess it doesn't help matters much. I also have the problem of becoming attached way too quickly to guys. It's like they show the slightest bit of interest in me and then BOOM I'm head over heels! It's a recipe for disaster and heartbreak but yet I do it every time. What the hell is wrong with me? Hi Cora, I've seen your posts on here and seen how much emotions you've put into your relationships early on. Like Groovy I'm 37 and single but I have been married and have 2 kids. AND I'm still working on this. I've gotten so much better but still feel I do it all wrong. I could so relate to your post. I'm feeling that way right now. I don't know if you remember me from your other post but I posted in the one where you had just seen a guy over the weekend, slept with him and felt he was blowing you off (I think it was you. I hope I'm not confused and apologize if I am). I posted how I had hung out with a guy a few times and when I finally told him I wanted a real date he blew me off. So I figured booty call. Well............update! He met me out this weekend and I went home with him and slept with him. Haven't heard from him this week (of course this is normal with him) but I was hoping that with the new intimacy in our relationship he would respect that and change. So now I'm having all the feelings you described above. "duped again"! Anyway, what I'm saying is that I have to tell/remind myself that a man does not define who I am. His flakiness is not a reflection on anything I did and it's his loss. What I struggle with like you, is that the first time he contacts me or shows up where I am I'm going to want to give back in. We are better than that Cora. I should stick up my middle finger and say "F-you, don't even think of asking me to go there again. In your dreams." or better yet......turn my back and walk away. A friend and I talked yesterday and she asked if I had made a list of what I wanted in a relationship. I have on in my head I said but I've never written one down. So maybe you and I both need a list from most important (things you have to have) like if you want kids or something to what you want but could compromise on. You were also right about working on your self-esteem issues and emotional health. Healthy people attract healthy mates, friends, etc. I always used to say I could walk into a room full of handsome, rich, kind, great men and there would be one dysfunctional man and I would fall for Mr. dysfunctional EVERY time. Anyway, I ramble too but don't feel down on yourself. The important thing is to do something about it. We're here if you need us!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I posted how I had hung out with a guy a few times and when I finally told him I wanted a real date he blew me off. So I figured booty call. Well............update! He met me out this weekend and I went home with him and slept with him. Haven't heard from him this week (of course this is normal with him) but I was hoping that with the new intimacy in our relationship he would respect that and change. So now I'm having all the feelings you described above. "duped again"! Ok, so now you know...when you are "hanging out" he is putting in no effort, and it will inevitably end up like the scenario you just described. So why do you do this? Because you are 37 and feel like he is one of the last chances you will get? Because you don't want to lose him by setting some standards in how he will treat you? This is low self esteem at work, and a small amount of desperation. You are grabbing on to the crumbs he is giving you instead of holding out for the real deal. Both you and the OP need to work on making your lives palatable for yourselves. You will continue to grab at the crumbs when you feel that is all you deserve or all you will get out of life. Make your life meaningful to you so that you will uphold standards and avoid feeling mistreated, used, abused, etc. You are in control of how people treat you. You can avoid the cycle of use/abuse by standing up for yourself. It is much better to lead a rich single life than to sell yourself short by allowing mistreatment.
MeMyself&I Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 You are in control of how people treat you. You can avoid the cycle of use/abuse by standing up for yourself. It is much better to lead a rich single life than to sell yourself short by allowing mistreatment. Oh, I know you are right Cherry Blossom. And I just need to process this. It just happened Friday/Saturday. I was just getting past it when he walked back in on Fri. Now It'll happen again and this time I need to shut the door on it. I don't feel like I'm too quick to attach.........I used to be. I've been talking, seeing, hanging out with this guy for a couple months and I still am not attached. I just like him. But you are right in the fact that I have allowed him to make no effort so I shouldn't whine when he doesn't. And although I like him I honestly knew it would go nowhere.......or if it did it would only be short-term. I don't need constant contact from him or to be his "girlfriend", I just hoped we could have more contact and be friends too (IDK is that an ignorant wish). He's only 25. So I guess that's another reason I keep excusing his behavior. I've never seen anyone this much younger than me and maybe I'm finding out why. Seems I only meet younger guys lately as I've become very healthy, etc in the last few years and get mistook for much younger. One of my girlfriends keeps telling me you train people how to treat you. Kind of like what you said Cherry Blossom. Anyway thanks for the "tough Love" cherryblossom and I'm not going to be in contact with him. Of course when he calls or comes sauntering into where I am this weekend......I'm clueless as to how to react.
Author Cora Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Thank you all for your responses. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. MeMyself&I: Yes, I do remember your post....and yeah that was me who slept with the guy over the weekend and then got blown off for about a week...ughh. I regret doing it and now I'm almost certain it was because I felt I didn't deserve any better. So i'm just hoping if I use this time to better myself then maybe just maybe I wont repeat all my past mistakes. Thanks again
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