Little Brittle Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 So me and my love had been together for almost 8 months. And when we met, it was love at first site. Everything was perfect between us. We had a mature, romantic relationship. He swept me off my feet, and for the first few months, he couldn't stay away from me. He was so attatched to me. We wrestled, took walks, got nerdy, and even expirienced a few new things. I have an emotional medical problem. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis about 2 years ago. And the doctor that told me that, also wanted to help me get better, so he got me on Yaz birth control. Months later something wasn't right, I was having mood swings every five seconds, and my estrogen/hormone levels were at a dangerously high level. They gave me a medication to try to neutralize it, but being as scared as i was, i didn't take it. But ever since then i've been paying for it day to day. My love knows that this is a problem, and about 3 days ago, he gave me the big "please hold" card. He told me that he wants to be with who i could be, not who i am right now. He doesn't like my mood swings, and neither do i. I told him I was going to go to the doctor to find out what's wrong and to get somethiing to make it better. But he still wants to be on break with me. He told me in a months time maybe he would give me another chance, if i seem to have improved. We live together, and he still talks to me, and still gets intimate with me, but he's starting to get angry about it, saying we're not acting like we're on break, and that i'm stopping this from happening. We were the kind of couple who were serious and talking about starting a family together. And because of my emotional problem, I screwed it all up. He just doesn't seem to understand that I couldn't help the way I've been, it's medical, and I'm generally happy. I told him i'm going to get it fixed, but he won't talk about the break or when we're getting back together what-so ever. And I'm going crazy, and i'm very depressed. I love this man, and we still want to be together, and still want to get married one day and have a family. I know I should feel lucky because i still have this. But for the time, I can't stop crying to him, I can't stop asking questions, and it's driving us further apart. He barely comes home after work anymore. What can I do to help mend our love back together quicker? Has anyone else had an emotional/medical problem like this before? What did you do? I hope someone can understand me and help me a little bit. He's my life and I love him more than anything.
sb129 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 He is a manipulative, selfish, cake eater. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and that isn't fair on you. Either he wants to be with you 100%, warts and all (esp if this is truly medical and is in the process of being sorted out) or he doesn't want to be with you. he can't pick and choose and say "I will only be with you when you are happier/thinner/richer/healthier" or whatever. He also can't say "lets be on a break" then want to be intimate with you- sounds like the break is on his terms only- so he gets the good bits but can act single when he isn't home. I lost my father to cancer recently AND I am 5 months pregnant. So.... I am not always the nicest person to be around at the moment- I can get moody, cry easily, and am tired all the time. My H has been very lvoing and supportive, even though it hasn't been that easy for him. But if my H was to pull out the "I want a break until you are over your dad and less hormonal from the pregnancy" card, I would tell him to pack his bags and not come back. (I don't think he would, just using it as an example) When you are truly with someone, you are with them through good AND bad. Not just the bits that suit you.
Enema Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I have an emotional medical problem. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis about 2 years ago. And the doctor that told me that, also wanted to help me get better, so he got me on Yaz birth control. Months later something wasn't right, I was having mood swings every five seconds, and my estrogen/hormone levels were at a dangerously high level. They gave me a medication to try to neutralize it, but being as scared as i was, i didn't take it. But ever since then i've been paying for it day to day. My love knows that this is a problem, and about 3 days ago, he gave me the big "please hold" card. He told me that he wants to be with who i could be, not who i am right now. He doesn't like my mood swings, and neither do i. I told him I was going to go to the doctor to find out what's wrong and to get somethiing to make it better. But he still wants to be on break with me. He told me in a months time maybe he would give me another chance, if i seem to have improved. We live together, and he still talks to me, and still gets intimate with me, but he's starting to get angry about it, saying we're not acting like we're on break, and that i'm stopping this from happening. We were the kind of couple who were serious and talking about starting a family together. And because of my emotional problem, I screwed it all up. He just doesn't seem to understand that I couldn't help the way I've been, it's medical, and I'm generally happy. I told him i'm going to get it fixed, but he won't talk about the break or when we're getting back together what-so ever. And I'm going crazy, and i'm very depressed. I love this man, and we still want to be together, and still want to get married one day and have a family. I know I should feel lucky because i still have this. But for the time, I can't stop crying to him, I can't stop asking questions, and it's driving us further apart. He barely comes home after work anymore. What can I do to help mend our love back together quicker? You know there's a medical problem, you know it's fixable, you talk about fixing it... but you don't do anything. No wonder your boyfriend is frustrated. I think he's going the "break" route to try and shock you into actually doing something about it. Trying to make you see what you stand to lose by complacency. Go to the doctor and TAKE what they give you.
sb129 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Oh- enema, you did it to me again (and I liked it) I didn't even see the bit where it says she didn't take the meds. (thats skim reading for you) Well that puts a slightly different slant on things, and you have a very very good point. But if he is doing that, he should just move out, or have a total break and not be intimate with her at all. And OP- you do need to DO what the doctor tells you, not just talk about it.
fabulous_chk Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I have an emotional medical problem. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis about 2 years ago. And the doctor that told me that, also wanted to help me get better, so he got me on Yaz birth control. Months later something wasn't right, I was having mood swings every five seconds, and my estrogen/hormone levels were at a dangerously high level. Hey I have the same problem. It's not an emotional problem but rather the medication they give you (pretty heavy stuff!) can give you extreme mood swings....I was on it for 6 months and my then bf was very patient all through out the craziness..,which lasted close to a year. I think your bf(?) is making up excuses to leave. It is very possible that he has met somebody new. My ex (the same one who put up with me before and after surgery) made lame attempts to blame things on me when our relationship ended. But the thing is he was sleeping with this girl (his now gf) for three months before I found out about it. Do NC as quickly as possible. And get more info about endometriosis you have to be careful because it can leave scars and make you infertile.
Ayla Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Yeah - i have endometriosis AND Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome. Before and during diagnosis I was very moody and in a lot of pain. It hurt to have sex, I would blow a gasket for no reason and my boyfriend coped it all. Unfortunately part of the problem was that i didn't speak about it with him. I would still have sex even though it hurt - and would not tell him when it did etc etc. This really hurt him and our relationship - at the time. Fortunately I then got diagnosed properly and was put on a low dose pill (changed from my other one) to control the endometriosis and my hormones calmed down and everything got better within our relationship. My bf was very supportive, he read up on the conditions to find out as much as possible and was there when i needed him. You need to follow the Drs instructions, read up on your condition and ask your bf if he interested in supporting you and reading about it. if not - then say goodbye. he is not the type of bloke you want to be with anyway if that is the case. And Fabulous Chk is right - it can lead to infertility and also in SOME cases endometrial cancer. So you need to listen to your Dr.
JeezLouise Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 You definitely need to be in close contact with your doctor for treatment. YAZ is actually prescribed to control hormone fluctuations that lead to PMS and PMDD - your description of extremely high estrogen levels and severe mood swings do not jive with the effects of YAZ (which is one of the lowest dose hormonal birth controls out). You have one uterus - there are no transplants - and you owe it to yourself to take as good of care of your body as you can. Being negligent in your own self-care can lead to total infertility and need for stronger medications and surgeries in the future. As for your BF, he could be trying to shock you into caring about yourself. Or he could be ready to end a relatively short-term relationship. He has no obligation to stay with you because you have this disease, and he simply have fallen out of love with you (as painful as that may be for you). Good luck, and please make an appt with your GYN ASAP to get a strong treatment plan in effect.
Author Little Brittle Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Well I was diagnosed with it about 2 years ago, and two years ago I was not with who I am with now. Or was rather.. I was scared that the doctor would mess up again, I was truely scared. I would have taken it if I knew that I would be like this. And now I'm low on money, and it's hard to get into a doctor right now. I'm trying to get an appointment though, believe me. And I know that I will get better when I figure things out and get medication. But what I really want to know, is how do I tell him i'm sorry for all of the other times? I've tried to appologize to him numerous times, and numerous ways, and he just comes back with, "I love who you can be, but I don't want to be with who you are right now, who you are right now is making me miserable." I mean I understand from his POV, but shouldn't he be a little bit more understanding if he tells me he wants to be with who I can be, and he loves and cares about me more than anything? Isn't the saying, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."? It just hurts knowing what we use to be, and seeing that we're so distant, and it all happened in a matter of a week. We got into an arguement. He went to hang out with our roommate, and I went in there and asked him to come hang out with me for a little bit, and that's when he told me he couldn't do this right now. If I can't get into a doctor by tomorrow I'm going to go to the hospital and see if they can help me out. I really want this to work, I really want to see him happy again, and I want our life back. And don't worry, he's not making excuses, he's a very sweet man, and he's never done anything wrong to me. He's just tired of putting up with my mood swings, just as I am. I just want him to know how sorry I am, and how much I care about him, and what we had, not even a week ago. He also has an anger problem, which doesn't help when I'm having a mood swing, it just ends up with neither of us listening to the other.
Ronni_W Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I just want him to know how sorry I am, and how much I care about him LB, I think perhaps the best way to send him that message, loud and clear, is to take better care of your health -- it seems that is what he really wants for you, and is prepared to make whatever short-term sacrifices he feels necessary with the hope of helping you make your self-responsible health care decisions and take action that will best support a "healthy you." What becomes exhausting, depleting and soul-sucking is NOT the illness itself but when the person who is suffering from an illness becomes a victim of it. You know what I mean by that, yes? "Poor me, I have this illness. I need special allowances cos this illness has made me so powerless and helpless. I would do something, but I can't because I just don't have it in me." One excuse after the other, is what is exhausting, depleting and soul-sucking. Your boyfriend is seeing you as empowered to be able to take care of your own health and well-being -- as MORE than you are seeing yourself, right now. It's a GOOD thing. You can choose to draw self-respect and self-confidence from his image of you...and you can choose to be grateful for it. I think it's an excellent idea to go to the hospital -- you do need and deserve to reclaim your own power over your physical, mental and emotional challenges...which will allow you to be the powerful force in your own life that you truly are, and have a mutually supportive and rewarding relationship with your boyfriend. You are TOTALLY worthy of that...but you must do your part to claim it. Hugs, and best of luck with everything.
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