SummerLady Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I have posted here before. I met a great guy recently we really clicked. The problem is I do not trust people in general. My marriage was real bad at the end so I am always looking for the other shoe to drop. Always looking for the lie, the issue, the bull ****. I know this sounds incredibly negative but I am trying to turn it around. Its like a knee jerk reaction really. I know its wrong. I had questioned him about something really dumb the other day and he caught it and said to me I know why you questioned me on this and I understand. He was so great about it but I need to deal with this or I am going to destroy this realtionship. Anyone have exp with this, trust issues?
wuggle Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Many people on this site have trust issues, very nature of the site. There is a lot of pain and experience here. You say you were married, and that didn't work and that your negativity towards current relationships is caused by the negative after effects of that, so what do you want to hear ? that you can't tar everone with the same brush ?? You know that anyway so why bother ? You say he is great ?? so what about doing what you know you should and give him a break and stop blaming hm for your past pain !! if he turns out to be a sh*t then flush him but you can't go through life assuming everyone will hurt you, otherwise you should just stay in and stop trying to get anything out of life. Life IS sometime sh*t, but not normally, people ARE sometimes sh*t, but not all. Allow yourself to be open to the fact that not everyone IS going to hurt you.
Author SummerLady Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Many people on this site have trust issues, very nature of the site. There is a lot of pain and experience here. You say you were married, and that didn't work and that your negativity towards current relationships is caused by the negative after effects of that, so what do you want to hear ? that you can't tar everone with the same brush ?? You know that anyway so why bother ? You say he is great ?? so what about doing what you know you should and give him a break and stop blaming hm for your past pain !! if he turns out to be a sh*t then flush him but you can't go through life assuming everyone will hurt you, otherwise you should just stay in and stop trying to get anything out of life. Life IS sometime sh*t, but not normally, people ARE sometimes sh*t, but not all. Allow yourself to be open to the fact that not everyone IS going to hurt you. You are so right. I need to stop punishing others for what my past **** head did to me. Its not fair and its not legitimate. I have to work on this and stop bringing up old issues. Thanks
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Until somebody proves otherwise to me, I usually give people the benefit of the doubt. True, it has bitten me in the ass a few times, but it has also served me well. I was cheated on countless times and lied to on a regular basis by my XH. But my current BF does not pay for my XH's mistakes. I wouldn't want to lose him by insulting him in that way. He's completely honest with me and we have open communication. He's done nothing to show me I should be suspicious of him. Unless you want to lose a good thing - quit thinking that all men are like that. Time to move on and let your heart heal - see the good that's out there.
Author SummerLady Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Until somebody proves otherwise to me, I usually give people the benefit of the doubt. True, it has bitten me in the ass a few times, but it has also served me well. I was cheated on countless times and lied to on a regular basis by my XH. But my current BF does not pay for my XH's mistakes. I wouldn't want to lose him by insulting him in that way. He's completely honest with me and we have open communication. He's done nothing to show me I should be suspicious of him. Unless you want to lose a good thing - quit thinking that all men are like that. Time to move on and let your heart heal - see the good that's out there. I know this is the right approach, its like quitting a drug. When you are so use to be let down you just expect it and I am changing my thinking on this. I know all men are not bad, I just got a bad one last time.. Statiscally speaking its in my favor, time for a good one. Thanks again:)
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