V.Vixen Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 It's clearly me that's the problem. I have dated, but not gotten serious with any of the guys,. I am thinking it might be a trust issue, but can't pinpoint that for sure. I was with the same man for 8 1/2 years. So being gun shy of a relationship is normal, but something's gotta give eventually, right?
Bejita463 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Can you think of anything that has been a consistent problem?
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Why did the last R end? How are the men that you have dated since that R stacked up to your ex? Are you maybe comparing too much? (This could go either way - either they're not "as good" as your ex in some way, or you're trying too hard to find a man that has zero in common with your ex at all because you're afraid of a repeat.) Where are the trust issues coming from? How many dates do you go on and who cuts it off and what's the reason given?
Author V.Vixen Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 When ever things are in transition for me or static for a reason I don't understand, I find it is a good time to do some inner work. Check out Find Your Inner Diva at www.VeryTogether.com Maybe you are not paying attention to your own intuition about where your life should go. Good luck! i will check this out, thanks! My ex was a drug addict. He wasn't that way for the first 6 years we were together. We had a very good relationship for many years. I usually just find a reason for incompatibility by the 3rd date, even when I am not looking for it.
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I usually just find a reason for incompatibility by the 3rd date, even when I am not looking for it. Maybe deep down you're not actually looking for a relationship. Are you really looking for one right now? It's ok to window shop if purchasing is too much of a commitment at the moment.
ruggy Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Pretty much the same here. Though, getting back into the grove and drama is rough at times. I do question it at times. Whether I am looking for a relationship or if I am just infatuated with the idea of a relationship. Been on my own for some many years since my last relationship that I question it more and more as time goes on. Seems to be some pressure to. My parents are on me for a SO. Friends are married. Bro and sis are married. I guess I am the odd one out.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 My ex was a drug addict. He wasn't that way for the first 6 years we were together. We had a very good relationship for many years. I usually just find a reason for incompatibility by the 3rd date, even when I am not looking for it. OK, so is it possible that in these new guys you're dating, you find even one little tiny similarity to your ex (and not even necessarily a BAD quality) and you throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak? I mean, it could be something as innocuous as the way he walks, the way he cuts his steak, etc. Like you're trying to avoid ANYBODY that could be ANYTHING like your ex, and so anything that even slightly reminds you of him, you decide it's an incompatibility? Even subconsciously? Just throwing some thoughts out there.
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