White Flower Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 WF, you live in lala land. Earlier you posted that she had everything but obviously she wasn't happy(thats why she cheated) and now in your response to chrome you claim she has been negeleted in every way possible. You are making up a false character to justify what she has done. I am sorry but she did not make love.....she spread her legs for another man. This has nothing to do with man code or wanting to pretend a woman is her mans property. It is the plain and simply truth. I havent seen one thing in any of these post that makes her into a good person. Every single characteristic that has been shared has shown her to be a greedy and decitful person who will use anything to get ahead..........even her children. Which is what this entire thread is about. You are just trying to justify yourself through this post, are you sure your ex was the problem in your relationship? Maybe you were not a good spouse and it was all your fault? After all you were the one that cheated right? Whatever lkjh, you don't even read it all through carefully and I just don't have the time to explain it to you. You haven't read where my ex cheated first and you didn't read that after I asked him to leave and filed papers he refused to go because he was a control freak. That is when I opened my mind to loving someone else but I don't need to explain that to you. You wouldn't hear it anyway. I'm sure you would feel that even though he cheated first he owned me and had every right to control me, am I right? La la land? I wasn't the one who suggested on another thread that the BW take a lie detector test when it was her serial cheating H who'd had 3 OWs in ten years and a pregnant OW besides! Who is in La La Land? You live by the mancode, you always have, and you always will. Good luck with that. I infuriate you because deep down you want to feel compassion but you refuse to because of your mancode. Consider yourself on ignore.
lkjh Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 hahahahah. whatever you have to tell yourself. So you helped prove my point. Your responses are all about you and your life. You don't respond to the situation at hand you just reflect on yourself. You are out for vengeance against men because of your ex. You are right on the other thread I did suggest she takes the lie detector test because the poster ask what can she do to get your H to trust her. After all her post were not about her H's previous affairs; they were about that fact that her H and everyone else thought she was cheating with a man younger than her H. I stand by my advice but to bad you were just focused on the one point maybe I do live by the "mancode", if that code means you accept responsibility for your actions and stop blaming everyone else. The part I love about your post is the fact that you don't respond to a single point. You don't focus on anything, all you do is come up with some crazy assumptions. You have some crazy need to outdo men. The only reason you want to ignore me is because you know I am right. Once you learn to give up your need for revenge on men you will find some peace and actually find someone you can spend your life with. Until then you will just continue on your destructive path
Ronni_W Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I havent seen one thing in any of these post that makes her into a good person. Every single characteristic that has been shared has shown her to be a greedy and decitful person who will use anything to get ahead I have to agree that seems to be the portrait that Stamp wants to paint. When I read what Chrome wrote about her (post #120), I was so certain that Stamp would defend her, to whatever small degree, that I would have bet money on it. But he hasn't yet (or maybe I just missed it.) Which made me wonder what he ever saw in her in the first place: Why on Earth would a man of seeming intelligence and self-declared good character have an adulterous affair with a greedy, deceitful, selfish, trifling, lying, no good woman or mother??? I can't figure that one out. "Love" is surely not THAT blind?!? this woman, is selfish, is trifling , a liar and a deceiver and no good woman or mother. She's been living a double life Maybe it is that EACH of the main characters is and has always just been misguided, lost, uninformed, unwise and clinging to straws on whatever individual level?
OldEurope Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Why on Earth would a man of seeming intelligence and self-declared good character have an adulterous affair with a greedy, deceitful, selfish, trifling, lying, no good woman or mother??? I can't figure that one out. "Love" is surely not THAT blind?!? Maybe it is that EACH of the main characters is and has always just been misguided, lost, uninformed, unwise and clinging to straws on whatever individual level? "There is always some madness in love. But there is always some reason in madness"--Friedrich Nietzsche
bentnotbroken Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 WF, the truth is they just sometimes have A's. There is no rhyme, reason or rationale. We can all come up with scenarios that make us pity one party or the other. But I think the one thing we all know to be the truth is that the children did not come first and they will suffer the most.
Bluebird In My Heart Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 ... Maybe it is that EACH of the main characters is and has always just been misguided, lost, uninformed, unwise and clinging to straws on whatever individual level? Wise as always. Also, a lot of behaviour that would be considered a red flag with an uncommitted person is sometimes "excused" because of the situation -- and then, when the situation changes, look out below. In any case, there's a New Reality all are waking up to. Wishing everyone the best in this, whatever happens.
Author stampdaddy Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 I have to agree that seems to be the portrait that Stamp wants to paint. When I read what Chrome wrote about her (post #120), I was so certain that Stamp would defend her, to whatever small degree, that I would have bet money on it. But he hasn't yet (or maybe I just missed it.) Which made me wonder what he ever saw in her in the first place: Why on Earth would a man of seeming intelligence and self-declared good character have an adulterous affair with a greedy, deceitful, selfish, trifling, lying, no good woman or mother??? I can't figure that one out. "Love" is surely not THAT blind?!? Maybe it is that EACH of the main characters is and has always just been misguided, lost, uninformed, unwise and clinging to straws on whatever individual level? What I saw in her in the first place was the most beautiful woman I have EVER seen (in all ways). I was so sure that I could live 1000 lifetimes and never find someone that I would love as much. I saw a warm, caring, sharing person, a wonderful sweet mother. I saw someone that cared about me so much, listened to every word that ever came out of my mouth, no matter how small or trivial, and she remembered every little detail about me, my life and my dreams. A woman that wanted to give me everything (Tonka Truck). I experienced the sweetest kisses, the most gentle touches, the most loving looks. I ADORED HER..... Now, I dont know where she is..... All of these "incidents" that I have written about were in fact swept under the rug after they happened, and maybe I was right in my reasoning in regards to what they were about (the insecurities of the situation). All I know is that they came to a big, screaching head the other day and enough was enough. I need a break and NC is my break. I dont know where she is anymore because SHE doesnt know where she is anymore. I will promise you though, IF she ever does find herself again, I know that BEAUTIFUL is still alive inside of her... I miss her
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Dont you get it stamp SHE WAS A LIE, everything about her was a lie! her attitude, her life, her words, her choices in life. She says one thing and does another. After all this time, you cannot say you didnt see red flags knowing she was married off the bat. deep down inside as a man if you knew she'll betray her husband, what makes you think that she wont turn around and do it to you too!!! Because that's how cheaters do. When the grass is greener she'll do to you, what she's doing to him. She doesnt care about anyone but herself. If you dont realize just think she's mad that your calling her out instead of owning up to what she's doing she's becoming abusive and mean and standoffish. That's no illusion! ...That's just who she is. You've been duped. Bamboozled, led astray. Stop thinking about the idiot.
Author stampdaddy Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Dont you get it stamp SHE WAS A LIE, everything about her was a lie! her attitude, her life, her words, her choices in life. She says one thing and does another. After all this time, you cannot say you didnt see red flags knowing she was married off the bat. deep down inside as a man if you knew she'll betray her husband, what makes you think that she wont turn around and do it to you too!!! Because that's how cheaters do. When the grass is greener she'll do to you, what she's doing to him. She doesnt care about anyone but herself. If you dont realize just think she's mad that your calling her out instead of owning up to what she's doing she's becoming abusive and mean and standoffish. That's no illusion! ...That's just who she is. You've been duped. Bamboozled, led astray. Stop thinking about the idiot. I dont know if I have ever been "bamboozled" before... Now, boozed, yes! Anyway, it IS the above that was the straw that broke my heart. I will not, however, wrap it all up into one nice, neat little package like you do (no offense), I just wont think of her this way. I will only think of her as someone that lost themselves to the point where I, and nobody else, maybe not even herself can help her now. Bamboozled.. that word sounds like it should be a GOOD thing.. "Man last night I met this chick and she bamboozled me ALL night long..."
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I dont know if I have ever been "bamboozled" before... Now, boozed, yes! Anyway, it IS the above that was the straw that broke my heart. I will not, however, wrap it all up into one nice, neat little package like you do (no offense), I just wont think of her this way. I will only think of her as someone that lost themselves to the point where I, and nobody else, maybe not even herself can help her now. Bamboozled.. that word sounds like it should be a GOOD thing.. "Man last night I met this chick and she bamboozled me ALL night long..." Are you still in denial about her true nature??? I mean it doesnt add up of how she treats her family and life like it's one big game. She played with your emotions willingly, and you allowed it. She didnt loose herself. She willingly lied and cheated for 5 years! a LTA, with no remorse about it afterwards. Like I said she'll betray him, she'll do it to you as well. And the idea of bamboozled is not what you think it is. lol. It's something entirely worse. You need to see the worse in her...
Ronni_W Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I saw someone that cared about me so much, listened to every word that ever came out of my mouth, no matter how small or trivial, and she remembered every little detail about me, my life and my dreams. A woman that wanted to give me everything (Tonka Truck). I experienced the sweetest kisses, the most gentle touches, the most loving looks. I ADORED HER..... Now, I dont know where she is..... Cared about YOU, listened to YOU, remembered about YOU, gave to YOU, sweetly kissed YOU, gently touched YOU, lovingly looked at YOU. So YOU adored her (for how special she made YOU feel, I am interpreting.) And, at this time in her life, she doesn't have the strength, courage, wisdom, insight or compassion to GIVE to YOU the way she used to...yes, I guess it is that your lady love has gone AWOL. Makes perfect sense, Stamp. Thanks for offering clarity. I get why you'd be missing her, of course. It's sad.
Author stampdaddy Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Cared about YOU, listened to YOU, remembered about YOU, gave to YOU, sweetly kissed YOU, gently touched YOU, lovingly looked at YOU. So YOU adored her (for how special she made YOU feel, I am interpreting.) And, at this time in her life, she doesn't have the strength, courage, wisdom, insight or compassion to GIVE to YOU the way she used to...yes, I guess it is that your lady love has gone AWOL. Makes perfect sense, Stamp. Thanks for offering clarity. I get why you'd be missing her, of course. It's sad. I dont know if I am following your "interpretation" as a good thing? I hope so.. I LOVED being in love with her. I LOVED loving her. Looked forward to loving her the rest of her life. And YES, she loved me this way in return. She was absolutely in love with me. She still is. But, alas, here we are.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I dont know if I am following your "interpretation" as a good thing? I hope so.. I LOVED being in love with her. I LOVED loving her. Looked forward to loving her the rest of her life. And YES, she loved me this way in return. She was absolutely in love with me. She still is. But, alas, here we are. Really???? I didnt know you could love your affair partner for 5 years and yet when you get divorced because of said affair, turn it around and blame the affair partner. Man stamp you are one naive sucka. The quicker you accept her deceiving nature the quicker you can move on. Your still clinging to that illusion of her. You know how she is already. Stop being in denial. You'll never move on and it's infuriating to hear a dude whine over some coochie that aint doing good by him. I'm sorry but you need to stop whining and pining.
Author stampdaddy Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Are you still in denial about her true nature??? I mean it doesnt add up of how she treats her family and life like it's one big game. She played with your emotions willingly, and you allowed it. She didnt loose herself. She willingly lied and cheated for 5 years! a LTA, with no remorse about it afterwards. Like I said she'll betray him, she'll do it to you as well. And the idea of bamboozled is not what you think it is. lol. It's something entirely worse. You need to see the worse in her... I will be OK with my plan. Just NOT seeing ANYTHING in her...
Author stampdaddy Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Really???? I didnt know you could love your affair partner for 5 years and yet when you get divorced because of said affair, turn it around and blame the affair partner. Man stamp you are one naive sucka. The quicker you accept her deceiving nature the quicker you can move on. Your still clinging to that illusion of her. You know how she is already. Stop being in denial. You'll never move on and it's infuriating to hear a dude whine over some coochie that aint doing good by him. I'm sorry but you need to stop whining and pining. I am not whining nor pining.. I am movin on down da road.... Not stop or I will bamboozle the sh*t out of ya!
Reggie Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 What do YOU know about my M??? I HAVE projected my exH's attributes to the H of Stamp's MW, I don't deny that. That is my experience, my perspective. We are all here to share OUR perspectives. I admit that. What bad thing can you admit about yourself? I will admit any and every bad thing about myself because I have no fear in doing so. I am very introspective. What can you say about yourself? So far all I've seen is that you're 'perfect'. My exH (since you seem to know him so well) was not really 'cheated on' since I told him our M was over. It was his fault for staying in the house (in a separate room) and not moving on. He moved on from me, but not the position of power he liked holding over my head so much. No, he wasn't done yet. He just wanted to show me he was still the KING, control me still, make me cry more, bla bla bla. Don't pretend that you knew the kind of hell I suffered while living with him. He emotionally abused me Reggie. Oh I could go off on you right now but this is Stamp's thread. At any rate, I did project my exH's attributes onto MW's H. I could totally relate to her at the time Stamp first arrived here at LS. She changed, though, and I've been disappointed a bit. I couldn't have stayed JUST for money as it sort of appears now in Stamp's story (of course we don't know all the details). There would have to have been a lot more there to work with such as repentence (for being an absent H, for being derogatory [in the good times, not now] for not being willing to try harder, etc.) Because when you love someone so much and they look at you with disgust, dishonor, disgrace when you've done nothing wrong, well, you will take love when it comes. I believe this happend to Stamp's girl. And I understand it. If you DON'T understand it, then it COULD happen to you! So please understand this so it doesn't happen to you. And finally, we don't know all the details. You all post as if you do. I am only suggesting that if she had it as bad as I did, then it is understandable that she would fall for someone who had a heart bigger and deeper than the ocean. Where the sun would always shine on her and where the sand would be soft to fall on. Right or wrong, she needed this. WhiteFlower, again, you have no idea if this guy is anything like your XH. You are so pissed at your X that any BH must be responsible in your eyes. At best you have second hand information, mainly provided by two know liars. I could give you a long list of my imperfections. Cheating is not among them. If you told your H it was over, why not divorce him and move out. Your claims of abuse may be true, but they are the same claims virtually all cheaters make. So, who knows?
Reggie Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I cant argue with any of this whatsoever.... The only 'arguement" I have is this.. In these said 5 years that I witnessed, did BH ever take a day off to spen with her? NO Did he ever take a half day off to spend with her? NO Did he EVER ask her out for lunch? NO Did he ever come home for lunch? NO NO NO... I wont get into the rest of the questions where the answer is NO Satmp, you seem to have no idea of the dynamics expierienced by a BS dealing with an active cheater. First, many guys cannot come home for lunch. And, in this case, most likely due to you MW's need to deal with her cognitive dissonance, it is highly likely she was mean,blaming, cold and distant from her H. I've seen this before and espierienced it, the WS lying about the BS's traits. They have a very willing audience in the AP who has a huge investment in believing the WS's allegations due to the Ap's own need to feel comfortable with a terrible course of behavior. Look at it this way. Your MW lied repeatedly. She cheated for 5 years, which is about as abusive as it gets, not to mention a threat to her H's health. You see how she is acting in this divorce re custody. Do you really feel she has much credibility re her allegations? Time to take of the blinders.
Author stampdaddy Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Satmp, you seem to have no idea of the dynamics expierienced by a BS dealing with an active cheater. First, many guys cannot come home for lunch. And, in this case, most likely due to you MW's need to deal with her cognitive dissonance, it is highly likely she was mean,blaming, cold and distant from her H. I've seen this before and espierienced it, the WS lying about the BS's traits. They have a very willing audience in the AP who has a huge investment in believing the WS's allegations due to the Ap's own need to feel comfortable with a terrible course of behavior. Look at it this way. Your MW lied repeatedly. She cheated for 5 years, which is about as abusive as it gets, not to mention a threat to her H's health. You see how she is acting in this divorce re custody. Do you really feel she has much credibility re her allegations? Time to take of the blinders. Reg, blinders are off, my friend, I was just stating the facts from what I saw. Not bashing the man, just saying that he didnt ever take a day or half day off. Nothing more, nothing less. He runs the company, so one would figure this was possible. But, maybe not.
Reggie Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Why would he want to take a day off to be with a cheating wife? To get abused further? Stamp, you were fed the standard script form a dissatisfied woman who, in all likeliehood, was bringing far less to the table in the marriage than her H. Same with the MC. It does not good to go to MC with an active cheater. Thye are too enveloped in this fog or whatever you call it , to invest fully in getting help. WhiteFlower seems to think the guy did not try because he went to 3 sessions. But, what good would any of the sessions do if she is a liar and cheater?
Author stampdaddy Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Why would he want to take a day off to be with a cheating wife? To get abused further? Stamp, you were fed the standard script form a dissatisfied woman who, in all likeliehood, was bringing far less to the table in the marriage than her H. Same with the MC. It does not good to go to MC with an active cheater. Thye are too enveloped in this fog or whatever you call it , to invest fully in getting help. WhiteFlower seems to think the guy did not try because he went to 3 sessions. But, what good would any of the sessions do if she is a liar and cheater? Like I have said before, I agree that MC would not have ever worked for THEM while she was seeing me. I have said that her "reason" for going to MC was to shirk HER responsibility to some extent and was hoping that the counsellor would have "convinced" the H that the marriage was not working. SHE should have told him that. In regards to the H not taking a day off or whatever, there were 3 1/2 years BEFORE Dday, and of course, she never asked him to. I am not harping on this man, I am just saying that it didnt ever happen. With this being said, I think this is wehere WF is coming from. Doesnt make it right or excusible in any shape or fashion. Reg, we are 2 men just talking now, I am not arguing or trying to justify anything. I am DONE doing that.
Reggie Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I think you have to completely disregard WF's take on this. She has morphed this guy into her own XH. You've heard no allegations about him being violent or abusive. And, the "neglect" take has no real footing. As you have seen, he has conducted himself honorably, Stamp. If you had wound up with this women, had kids, a mortgage, and the other attendant stresses and responsibilities that come with a marriage and life, in general, I have no doubt that you would have fallen short in her eyes re keeping her happy. That is because she takes no responsibility for her own happiness. By the way, how often did she go to his office and bring him lunch? How often did she surprise him with love notes or other gestures of that sort?There seems to be a conception that it all falls on the man to do this sort of thing. She painted a picture that was entirely in her favor and i doubt it was accurate. By the way, my face is so closed at the top, I cannot stop snapping. Today, I was ready to quit. Yesterday, I was puring it. WTF? How can it change overnoght?
White Flower Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 WhiteFlower, again, you have no idea if this guy is anything like your XH. You are so pissed at your X that any BH must be responsible in your eyes. At best you have second hand information, mainly provided by two know liars. I could give you a long list of my imperfections. Cheating is not among them. If you told your H it was over, why not divorce him and move out. Your claims of abuse may be true, but they are the same claims virtually all cheaters make. So, who knows? Reggie, I did file and did ask him to leave (I was getting the house so couldn't leave myself) at that time and he refused because he is a control freak. Rather than scream, fight, call the police, etc, I chose to remain quiet and peaceful for the sake of my children. Most people who suffer emotional abuse suffer quietly in this way. And my children didn't need any more drama/trauma because IMO a divorce was traumatic enough. I have read countless stories on LS, none of which I related to so much as that of Stamp's MW. He didn't have to say much, I just read between the lines, as Stamp didn't want to talk badly about her H. Believe me, this is the only case on LS where I really saw a connection. My maint point was that when a woman is emotionally neglected and beat down she usually becomes depressed. She will seek medical help or self-medicate or fall apart and sleep all day. Even worse, commit suicide. But she couldn't sleep all day because she had a large family to take care of, probably all on her own with her H working so much. I believe Stamp's girl self-medicated with Stamp. I can only presume she tried getting help and cooperation from her H for many years, as I did, and her cries fell on deaf ears. She may have even taken meds, as I did, only to find herself feeling numb and non-motivated. Again, if she did try this route and it didn't work, what else could she turn to for help since all she got at home were deaf ears? I am not saying this is her story. I am saying it is possible and people need to understand that depression is VERY hard to live with especially when you find you have NO support. Your husband should be a solid rock of support and my GUESS is Stamp's MW got none. And if she was depressed and lost Stamp, too, I am sure she is not in her right mind to make any kind of decisions. I hope she does seek medical help now because if she is the lucky sort the meds will give her clarity of mind to make better decisions. Again, I know I am interpreting a story and relating it to myself, but the above mentioned could be the case and if so we shouldn't be so harsh on her. She is not here to defend herself.
Author stampdaddy Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 I think you have to completely disregard WF's take on this. She has morphed this guy into her own XH. You've heard no allegations about him being violent or abusive. And, the "neglect" take has no real footing. As you have seen, he has conducted himself honorably, Stamp. If you had wound up with this women, had kids, a mortgage, and the other attendant stresses and responsibilities that come with a marriage and life, in general, I have no doubt that you would have fallen short in her eyes re keeping her happy. That is because she takes no responsibility for her own happiness. By the way, how often did she go to his office and bring him lunch? How often did she surprise him with love notes or other gestures of that sort?There seems to be a conception that it all falls on the man to do this sort of thing. She painted a picture that was entirely in her favor and i doubt it was accurate. By the way, my face is so closed at the top, I cannot stop snapping. Today, I was ready to quit. Yesterday, I was puring it. WTF? How can it change overnoght? It doesnt matter if WF is tying her sitch into this one, that is how SHE sees it, not me. I have never said bad things about the BH here, and I have also never said that MW did either. NEVER. And of course MW didnt take lunch to H, or invite him out, I get that. She had ME to do that for. I understand this. scoot your right hand a little more under the grip, just a tad. And watch your grip pressure now that you have this issue. Youll get it back.
OldEurope Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 What I saw in her in the first place was the most beautiful woman I have EVER seen (in all ways). I was so sure that I could live 1000 lifetimes and never find someone that I would love as much. I saw a warm, caring, sharing person, a wonderful sweet mother. I saw someone that cared about me so much, listened to every word that ever came out of my mouth, no matter how small or trivial, and she remembered every little detail about me, my life and my dreams. A woman that wanted to give me everything (Tonka Truck). I experienced the sweetest kisses, the most gentle touches, the most loving looks. I ADORED HER..... Now, I dont know where she is..... All of these "incidents" that I have written about were in fact swept under the rug after they happened, and maybe I was right in my reasoning in regards to what they were about (the insecurities of the situation). All I know is that they came to a big, screaching head the other day and enough was enough. I need a break and NC is my break. I dont know where she is anymore because SHE doesnt know where she is anymore. I will promise you though, IF she ever does find herself again, I know that BEAUTIFUL is still alive inside of her... I miss her This is not over. The man is in love. Despite all the thick and then, he sees the Beautiful. Which is beautiful in its way, but there we have it. So...My bet is, they are in each other's arms again within three months. Any other takers? OE
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 . My maint point was that when a woman is emotionally neglected and beat down she usually becomes depressed. She will seek medical help or self-medicate or fall apart and sleep all day. Even worse, commit suicide. But she couldn't sleep all day because she had a large family to take care of, probably all on her own with her H working so much. WF, no offense, but this woman was NOT unhappy during that time. IF she was neglected, depressed or whatever, it isn't and wasn't because of her marriage.. She lived a double life for nearly 5 years, and just recently has she gone downhill. She wasn't 'neglected' to the point of depression. Heck, from what I know, she was still going to family outings, functions ,entertaining WITH her husband, and none of their friends or family seemed to know any different. If anything, she's depressed NOW because her life is falling apart, everything that was cozy and safe, having her cake and eating it too (meaning, still able to live in the house, maintain the lifestyle, money etc, and have Stamps) ALL that is gone and she now realizes she has to work for a living, be independant. She's scared and freaking out.
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