Author stampdaddy Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Stamp, I, know you've only had everyone's best interest at heart; at least after you realized she was never going to come to you willingly without her H finding out and pushing her out the door. Please don't consider waiting for this woman. There's nothing good at the end of the wait. She started warring with you over the fact that you were talking to *gasp* another woman - your waitress no less - when she was right there sitting with you? You know what your life would be like. No wonder she thought her M was awful. No man could do right enough for a woman like that, trust me. I can tell you only want the kids to not suffer unduly. I get that, at least, and I know others do as well. But you have to think of yourself now. You cannot help those children nor anyone else in that little family that is now falling apart. That family was doomed the moment that couple said "I do." Edited to add: Yes, it IS a happy Friday. Now go enjoy your long weekend dammit! I will be playing golf in about an hour, so FORE! This jealous behavior I have seen out of her the WHOLE time. Again, I just wrote it off as some insecurity due to this situation. I AM free to do and go where I please with anyone I choose to do so.. But you know what?? I have NEVER had another date, I have turned all "set ups" down, I havent even looked at another woman this entire time.. I was committed. ALL WHILE KNOWING that she sleeps next to him, hosted parties with him, had people over with him, gone out with other couples with him etc..... AND SHE IS THE JEALOUS ONE?!??!?!?! The other day, I was flat out being accused of "consoling" a neighbor going through a Divorce. I have been accused about "having coffee" (I didnt) with another married neighbor because I had a coffee mug in my dishwasher from where she works (kids, mine and hers, caught a baby frog and that is what the grabbed to keep in in, until it jumped out). I have had "to go" boxes in my fridge from a restaurant or 2 and it was assumed that I was OUT, looking for chicks, but it didnt "pan out" so i just took my dinner home. WTF is that?? There are 100's of other incidents that I just let roll off of me, but this latest business, regarding the divorcing neighbor and the thing with HER friend who I have never met (it was something about borrowing her cell phone to call me last Saturday night, and now my number is in her friends cell phone, so "I am sure she will call you and ya'll will hook up") was about as much as I can take.. And then, the "retreat" back to "her HUSBAND" comments just to be f*cking mean... What AM I looking forward to with this kind of behavior? WOuld it change? Would it get worse??
lkjh Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 I have "sifted" alot or the replies of this Thread, and here is where I am at today: First, to those who have said that it is "none of my business" regarding the D. You are right. So, God forbid today that I happen to stroll by a pond and see a man that can't swim out in the middle of it, drowning. That too would be none of my business. I didnt put him there. The meeting I referred to were all of the meetings that took place during your affair, you seem to put everything in compartments. I was not referring to this most recent meeting, I was talking about all of the meetings you have had with this woman. All of the meetings that you helped her destroy her family. The bold section above was the justification I was talking about. This bold section that you tried to compare to your situation in a attempt to justify it is way off. You didn't just stroll by her, you guys set this up.
lkjh Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 and you the planned part I was talking about was the fact that you planned to meet her. Several times actually
GorillaTheater Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Would it get worse?? Almost certainly. And I appreciate your concern over the kids, regardless of the role you've played in this drama. If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else and this situation would be playing out the same way.
Author stampdaddy Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 nothing would change, but your tolerance would lessen and lessen over time to all the drama and ridiculous behavior. You'd finally get sick and tired, and you two would be through. Why waste all that time, and why go through all that heartache? g-59.... Bingo!
Author stampdaddy Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 I have "sifted" alot or the replies of this Thread, and here is where I am at today: First, to those who have said that it is "none of my business" regarding the D. You are right. So, God forbid today that I happen to stroll by a pond and see a man that can't swim out in the middle of it, drowning. That too would be none of my business. I didnt put him there. The meeting I referred to were all of the meetings that took place during your affair, you seem to put everything in compartments. I was not referring to this most recent meeting, I was talking about all of the meetings you have had with this woman. All of the meetings that you helped her destroy her family. The bold section above was the justification I was talking about. This bold section that you tried to compare to your situation in a attempt to justify it is way off. You didn't just stroll by her, you guys set this up. "Meetings", oh, trysts, rendevous', hook ups, back seats, sleazy motel rooms, the woods etc.. Those kinds of meetings.. NO WAIT, those NEVER, EVER happened with us.. No, what happened is a woman lived a double life and I couldnt see it for what it truly was. I still dont know what it truly was, but it ended up NOT being TRUE.
Owl Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 And here's the thing...now, Stamp needs to take positive measures to prevent contact from MW again. Most of which, I believe that he's done already, but some could still be accomplished I'd bet. Block her phone from your mobile, screen your calls at home, simply flat out tell her to leave if she shows up on your door. At this point...he's made a definite decision...so it's time to enforce NC with a vengeance, which I believe he's actually at an emotional point to do so now.
Author stampdaddy Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Not bashing her, but this one was over the top.. Last year I took my son out of state to see my parents who live on a lake about an hour outside of the city. I had to stop by and say HI to a client for a moment, and was dressed up a little (had on black slacks and this fancy silky, shiny orange shirt, really good looking), anyway, we drive to the lake and my son was REALLY eager to go fishing. We stop by this bait shack to get some Minnows. This lady is scooping out the minnows and she looks up at me and says (in a southern, country hick voice), "so there city schlicker, why do you need this here bait when you are wearin' that fancy shirt of yours, why don't you just "Charm" the fish into the boat.. hee hee heee" yep, you guess it. She even got a little worked up over that one... jeez louise
quankanne Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 stampy, what can we say? You're a magnet for southern chicks. Even those with bad accents *laughing at the thought that others also call out bingo numbers when they're getting jiggy*
norajane Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 I hope that this does finally remove the role-colored glasses through which you have seen her all these years. I feel bad those children are now going to be push-pulled through a custody battle and what will probably become a knock-down, drag-out divorce battle. And I feel bad for her husband who now has to fight for access to his children, and for the home he's been providing all these years she's been living her double life with stamp. It's a shame that she can't find it within her to take responsibility for easing their children through this divorce. But, she can't. And I guess that's what it took for you to finally realize what she's made of and who she is at her core. Keep her out of your life. You know if she can dismiss her children's needs at this point in favor of her own, then she can and will be like that with everyone in her life. I guess now you can understand what her H has been dealing with all along. She sure must have *something* special that she can wrap both you and her H around her little finger for years and years like this with neither of you seeing her for what she is - a user.
tami-chan Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 LOL...stamp, you need to stop talking about her....just stop. Is it possible that you liked it when she was "jealous"? c'mon...it fed your ego...you who was so true and faithful and who stayed in the sideline for her...and yet, she is the one "jealous"..too easy...
Bluebird In My Heart Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Well Tami, if you give it a moment's thought you could probably figure out it is just a wee bit rich having someone jealous like that when they are the one who is married. A whole lot of people don't like it when people are jealous, and it does anything but feed the ego. It can be taken as an insult, among any number of other things.
tami-chan Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Well Tami, if you give it a moment's thought you could probably figure out it is just a wee bit rich having someone jealous like that when they are the one who is married. A whole lot of people don't like it when people are jealous, and it does anything but feed the ego. It can be taken as an insult, among any number of other things. Not true...a little jealousy does nothing harm...but considering how much Stamp has done for this woman and how much time he had to wait ( for nothing , apparently) that woman in some perverted way probably thought being jealous would MAKE him feel she loves him lots! I do not know Stamp, but for him to have stayed that long...then it must have done something to him in some convoluted to stroke his ego....check out how he is talking about it....it is not with sorrow, but rather the opposite. I could be wrong....
Author stampdaddy Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 It made me SICK! If it fed anything, it fed my doubt! How is that, Tami?
fooled once Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I am amazed at the people who are bashing you; yet tell all these OW to stand strong, keep sneaking around and forget about what the BS's feel. I commend you for thinking of the children. MANY OW/OM don't give a damn about the families they are helping to destroy. They are only looking out for themselves and what they will get out of it. Stamp - stay strong and don't let these hecklers get you down. They are probably just jealous they never had someone love them like you loved your FORMER MW. Keep posting and just ignore them.
lkjh Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I am amazed at the people who are bashing you; yet tell all these OW to stand strong, keep sneaking around and forget about what the BS's feel. I commend you for thinking of the children. MANY OW/OM don't give a damn about the families they are helping to destroy. They are only looking out for themselves and what they will get out of it. Stamp - stay strong and don't let these hecklers get you down. They are probably just jealous they never had someone love them like you loved your FORMER MW. Keep posting and just ignore them. hahahahahahahahahahah. Ya he was really thinking about the children when he help split their home up.
White Flower Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 hahahahahahahahahahah. Ya he was really thinking about the children when he help split their home up. I gotta laugh at this:p. HE did not split up THEIR home! THEY split up their home. I am not saying it is ok to start an affair during the M at all when I say that; YET, the marriage was badly broken beyond belief for the WS to even THINK of stepping out on her H. This is widely understood, isn't it? Blaming the OP for splitting up a family is so 17th century. We understand things now, like the world is round! I am not being mean to you when I say this. And what about forgiveness? Why hasn't the BS in this case sat his W down and said, 'Look, I forgive you for looking outside the M when I was such an a$$ all those years. Please, let's work this out. If I can forgive you for 5 years of cheating, can you forgive me for 20 years of cheating your heart out of affection, kindness, consideration, help, respect for all that you do?' This can and does happen. Why hasn't the BS done so in this case? Maybe because he is too STUBBORN? MEAN? HARSH? SELFISH? UNWILLING? Maybe he is a narcissist? Can YOU live with someone like that? I think not because that would be too much comptetion, I suspect. Of course, I don't know him and I could be entirely wrong about this man. But NOBODY lives in a beautiful home and raises four beautiful children as a stay-at-home mother and steps out on the M FOR NO REASON. NOBODY.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I gotta laugh at this:p. HE did not split up THEIR home! THEY split up their home. I am not saying it is ok to start an affair during the M at all when I say that; YET, the marriage was badly broken beyond belief for the WS to even THINK of stepping out on her H. This is widely understood, isn't it? Blaming the OP for splitting up a family is so 17th century. We understand things now, like the world is round! I am not being mean to you when I say this. And what about forgiveness? Why hasn't the BS in this case sat his W down and said, 'Look, I forgive you for looking outside the M when I was such an a$$ all those years. Please, let's work this out. If I can forgive you for 5 years of cheating, can you forgive me for 20 years of cheating your heart out of affection, kindness, consideration, help, respect for all that you do?' This can and does happen. Why hasn't the BS done so in this case? Maybe because he is too STUBBORN? MEAN? HARSH? SELFISH? UNWILLING? Maybe he is a narcissist? Can YOU live with someone like that? I think not because that would be too much comptetion, I suspect. Of course, I don't know him and I could be entirely wrong about this man. But NOBODY lives in a beautiful home and raises four beautiful children as a stay-at-home mother and steps out on the M FOR NO REASON. NOBODY. ...That's not entirely true, you CAN have a great marriage and one person can step outside the marriage because they are WEAK! the marriage doesnt have to be broken, it's the person that is. Look at this woman, her husband doesnt beat her, makes the family his top priority. busts' his azz to provide and yet, she's the one who cheats? and then has the gall to complain when he's gonna file for divorce. Stamp was doing dirt right along with her for those 5 years. It isnt the BS's fault she's a cheating ho. Stamp is weak because he falls for her drama, but maybe now we'll see some damn resolve on his part to not be with this toxic woman anymore... We'll see.
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Of course, I don't know him and I could be entirely wrong about this man. But NOBODY lives in a beautiful home and raises four beautiful children as a stay-at-home mother and steps out on the M FOR NO REASON. NOBODY. She is a broken woman. Sure her husband may have had a helping hand in the demise of the marriage, but he isn't responsible for her choice to cheat, lie and betray, gaslight him for years. Not everyone can forgive, and honestly, her latest stunt isn't helping either. She did this on her own. Have to ask, why are you so siding so much with Stamps (ex)MW? She is NOT a victim in ANY of this, she's created the mess!
White Flower Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 ...That's not entirely true, you CAN have a great marriage and one person can step outside the marriage because they are WEAK! the marriage doesnt have to be broken, it's the person that is. Look at this woman, her husband doesnt beat her, makes the family his top priority. busts' his azz to provide and yet, she's the one who cheats? and then has the gall to complain when he's gonna file for divorce. Stamp was doing dirt right along with her for those 5 years. It isnt the BS's fault she's a cheating ho. Stamp is weak because he falls for her drama, but maybe now we'll see some damn resolve on his part to not be with this toxic woman anymore... We'll see. You are right about that, the problem could lie completely on the side of the wife in this story. SHE may be the problem in the marriage but if she is/was, then why didn't her wonderful, innocent H figure that out and get her help years ago? Probably because he was gone all the time, workaholic that he sounds like.
Reggie Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Of course people from good homes with kids cheat. Where on earth did you come up with the idea it never happens? Haven't you been reading?Personality disordered types do this all the time.
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 They did MC and it didn't work. They actually did MC again DURING her affair too..
Reggie Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 You are right about that, the problem could lie completely on the side of the wife in this story. SHE may be the problem in the marriage but if she is/was, then why didn't her wonderful, innocent H figure that out and get her help years ago? Probably because he was gone all the time, workaholic that he sounds like. There is no "helping" some cheaters. These boards are full of BSs that implored their WS to go to counseling.
White Flower Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 She is a broken woman. Sure her husband may have had a helping hand in the demise of the marriage, but he isn't responsible for her choice to cheat, lie and betray, gaslight him for years. Not everyone can forgive, and honestly, her latest stunt isn't helping either. She did this on her own. Have to ask, why are you so siding so much with Stamps (ex)MW? She is NOT a victim in ANY of this, she's created the mess! I wasn't neccessarily siding with Stamp's ex. I was provoked by the idea that Stamp split up the children's home. The MPs did this, one or the other or both together. The AP did not do this.
White Flower Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 There is no "helping" some cheaters. These boards are full of BSs that implored their WS to go to counseling. True again, I agree. But I have heard nothing in THIS story so far that even points ONCE to the BH having provided any help to the WW in any fashion. I believe I read that he ATTEMPTED counseling on three separate visits spanning over a long period and never stuck to any of it. Sorry, that is not really trying IMHO.
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