This Book is complete

[stampdaddy]

Shemp, you know from my past posts, that I have been generally favorable to you, but on this one you have dropped the ball, bigtime. The decision to meet her was very unwise and reminiscent of a recovering junkie, who rationalizes one last toot, before he really quits. This drama is your drug and you can't seem to give it up cold turkey. you are a fairly smart man, what part of NC do you not understand? You had this last meeting for yourself. What you told her ,dramatically, she already knows or soon will know. This 5 year Homeric affair, has been your version of a passion play, acted out for real. Even the terms you use to describe it are literate, Chapters one and two, indeed. You and the OW and the H are the "dramatis personae", the children are the "extras". We the posters at LS , the audience.

 

BJ,

 

I (yes I) needed this last meeting to try to save her from herself, her children from herself and a future co-parenting relationship from herself. I did not work. And maybe I just saved ME from herself as well.... Maybe I DID need that too.

[GreenEyedLady]

You know Stamp, I really don't understand your tactics with her either.

 

Or why she needs to make you PROUD...

 

This is her D and she is taking the advice of her attorney, like all BS'S here would be advising any ONE of the betrayed...

 

If you don't love her and don't want her anymore, leave her alone...Stop dragging it out and creating more drama...

 

The last thing she needs right now is your JUDGMENT; after all weren't you her co-conspirator?

 

There are some things you should stay out of, unless, of course you are her attorney. Her attorney has her "future" best interests in mind. From what it looks like, you're not going to be in her future, so at least she has someone securing that for her. You weren't in her M, married to her STBXH and you don't know what she endured. She should get what she's due and her attorney is simply negotiating.

 

I actually feel sorry for her. Loving someone means loving all of them: both the good and the bad. I don't think you understand her at all. I think you've romanticized your R to the point where she never could have lived up to your expectations.

 

And the BS's always love it here when it doesn't work out. So of course they're cheering you on.

 

Go NC so you both can heal and stop hurting each other.

[stampdaddy]

GEL

 

I appreciate what you are saying, but c'mon. Sure, the attorney is negotiating, USING THE CHILDREN to do so. I dont expect you to understand what that is like to be told that you no longer have Legal or Physical rights to your own children. It is a truly devestating feeling, especially when it was your wife that had the affair.. I was simply trying to avoid this step, which her attorney pushed for, and YES, for a power play. CHILDREN being used for this purpose is WRONG!!!

 

She doesnt "need" to make me proud, these were HER words. JESUS! I did what I did out of LOVE, not selfishness. I knew that I was losing her, because she has lost herself. I dont know what the future holds, but TODAY, it is dead. I loved her, I LOVE her. And it is that love that inspired my "tactics".

 

I have said enough about this subject on this site forever. I am damned no matter what the F*ck I do or say here anymore

[NoIDidn't]

I have said enough about this subject on this site forever. I am damned no matter what the F*ck I do or say here anymore

 

I wouldn't say that, SD. Just like GEL wrongly claims that BSs (implying ALL instead of some, which is true) love to see it fall apart, the claim can be made that OPs (and some do as well) love when it works so they can rub it in the BSs faces.

 

Neither attitude is very pretty, and really says more about those making the accusation than anyone else.

 

Post for you. We may not agree with everything that you type but you certainly have your supporters, right or wrong. You are going to be applauded and ridiculed by both view points for some reason or another. Take it with a grain of salt.

 

I don't necessarily agree with your meeting her one last time either, but it seems to have opened your eyes some. Its easy for us to say things when we aren't in the situation you are in. I gather that you feel you had a friendship in addition to the passionate love affair going on, but that she felt and feels that you and the affair are totally separate from her very real and very personal *marriage* and life.

[lkjh]

GEL

 

I appreciate what you are saying, but c'mon. Sure, the attorney is negotiating, USING THE CHILDREN to do so. I dont expect you to understand what that is like to be told that you no longer have Legal or Physical rights to your own children. It is a truly devestating feeling, especially when it was your wife that had the affair.. I was simply trying to avoid this step, which her attorney pushed for, and YES, for a power play. CHILDREN being used for this purpose is WRONG!!!

 

She doesnt "need" to make me proud, these were HER words. JESUS! I did what I did out of LOVE, not selfishness. I knew that I was losing her, because she has lost herself. I dont know what the future holds, but TODAY, it is dead. I loved her, I LOVE her. And it is that love that inspired my "tactics".

 

I have said enough about this subject on this site forever. I am damned no matter what the F*ck I do or say here anymore

 

You keep doing the same thing over and over. You come on here claiming that you two are done and then two weeks later its the same thing. You didn't go to that meeting trying to help her for her childrens sake. You went back because you were hopeful that there is a chance for the two of you. You said it yourself......you thought there was a second chapter in this book. You won't let her go. You enjoy all of this for some reason(maybe because it gives you something to do). I am curious about what sort of things you two talked about that you don't share here. I find it hard to believe that you only advised her about the children. Start being honest with your intentions and actually do NC. You know all of this is becaus you want her for yourself

[lkjh]

Lastly everyone keeps saying they don't agree with stamp meeting with her one last time but that was not his intentions. He said she called him to meet. It sounds more like they meet often. It became one last time after their fight. This was not intended to be a closure meeting it just ended in a fight. He has said he is done with her hundred of times before but I am willing to bet that this time is no different.

[jwi71]

You know Stamp, I really don't understand your tactics with her either.

 

Or why she needs to make you PROUD...

 

One basic human need is approval or acceptance. Even better if its from someone you love or care about. So, to encourage her to do right by her children and reward her for it (being proud)...one can INFLUENCE an outcome to some degree. And obviously Stamp believes that a contentious fight for custody is damaging to the children. My MC, my attorney and what little instinct I have all agree.

 

This is her D and she is taking the advice of her attorney, like all BS'S here would be advising any ONE of the betrayed...

Not this BS. This BS would say pursue a collaborative D and put the needs of your children over your own. According to my lawyer...almost all D end in settlement anyway might as well spare the pain and expense in fighting. BUt that's just me.

 

If you don't love her and don't want her anymore, leave her alone...Stop dragging it out and creating more drama...

Wow GEL...I read his original post in this thread and it had NOTHING to do with her. I thought it was all about Stamp trying to impress upon her the results of her actions upon her children for the BENEFIT of said children...but that's just me.

 

The last thing she needs right now is your JUDGMENT; after all weren't you her co-conspirator?

Do tell...where was Stamp judging her?

Her attorney has her "future" best interests in mind.

Looks like you completely missed Stamp's point. Of course the lawyer has her best interest at heart...and to hell with the kids since they aren't HIS clients. And that's the problem...her lawyer IS pursuing what's best for the xMW at the expense of the kids. Get it now?

 

From what it looks like, you're not going to be in her future, so at least she has someone securing that for her. You weren't in her M, married to her STBXH and you don't know what she endured. She should get what she's due and her attorney is simply negotiating.

Hello projection - nice to meet you.

And I find it disturbing that you or anyone would consider children "possessions" that on can be "due" for putting up with a former spouse - especially when we don't know ourselves how the WW was treated.

 

I actually feel sorry for her

So do I.

 

I don't think you understand her at all.

I think that's obvious. I don't get it either...after her lying, cheating and gaslighting of the H...why would SHE then file for sole custody? Doesn't it stand to reason that now her H will do the same...and HE knows and has proof of at least one A...don't get it...in any case...she isn't valuing the lives and needs of her kids by doing this.

 

And the BS's always love it here when it doesn't work out. So of course they're cheering you on.

Talk about bashing the OM....so much for "OM/OW" solidarity.

 

Go NC so you both can heal and stop hurting each other.

ah...common ground. Yes Stamp...NC. She is radioactive and making horrible decisions. WE can only pray she comes to her senses, realizes her children both love and need their father and ACT accordingly.

 

Good luck Stamp...you did a good thing confronting her. Ah...I already said it all earlier....

[boldjack]

Ok Shemp, As long as you realize that you have to think of yourself , and your own future, first, you'll be fine. She will be ok too. She has the love and sympathy of all of those posters, who always regard the WS as the inocent, misunderstood victim and the BS as the cruel,,spiteful villian. Just try not to go back for another "last", meeting.

[NoIDidn't]

Hello projection - nice to meet you.

And I find it disturbing that you or anyone would consider children "possessions" that on can be "due" for putting up with a former spouse - especially when we don't know ourselves how the WW was treated.

 

 

LOL. That's exactly what it comes off as. Attack the man for feeling she is using her kids in a bad way. Maybe when GEL got divorced she experienced some of this? IDK. But her instant taking the side of the WW and lumping BSs in some imaginary club of Haters does come off as pure projection.

 

Children aren't possessions. On this one thing, SD is correct in encouraging her to think of their feelings. All this "children are resilient" crap is just that. Crap. Kids don't need to be fought over in custody battles - especially ones instigated by the one whose actions (known and unknown) hurt them and their security the most. Kids want both of their parents.

 

Children are not resilient in the sense that they get over things quickly or easily. The truth is more like children simply don't have the words to explain how they feel nor the means to get away from those that are threatening their security. Children and the elderly are very similar in that regard sometimes. My grandma used to live with my mom and once told me not to call my mom on some of her actions (neglect) towards her. Her words were "I have to live here". That spoke volumes. Children don't have these words, but they certainly feel in most instances that they have no where else to go.

 

I think her pushing for sole custody is just to further hurt her H, yet I don't know why she would want to hurt him in that way other than to cover her own behind from them ever hearing from him about her betrayal. But that's only a guess.

[Reggie]

Stamp. I don't think you should be playing any role in her divorce. They both have representation.

[lkjh]

LOL. That's exactly what it comes off as. Attack the man for feeling she is using her kids in a bad way. Maybe when GEL got divorced she experienced some of this? IDK. But her instant taking the side of the WW and lumping BSs in some imaginary club of Haters does come off as pure projection.

 

Children aren't possessions. On this one thing, SD is correct in encouraging her to think of their feelings. All this "children are resilient" crap is just that. Crap. Kids don't need to be fought over in custody battles - especially ones instigated by the one whose actions (known and unknown) hurt them and their security the most. Kids want both of their parents.

 

Children are not resilient in the sense that they get over things quickly or easily. The truth is more like children simply don't have the words to explain how they feel nor the means to get away from those that are threatening their security. Children and the elderly are very similar in that regard sometimes. My grandma used to live with my mom and once told me not to call my mom on some of her actions (neglect) towards her. Her words were "I have to live here". That spoke volumes. Children don't have these words, but they certainly feel in most instances that they have no where else to go.

 

I think her pushing for sole custody is just to further hurt her H, yet I don't know why she would want to hurt him in that way other than to cover her own behind from them ever hearing from him about her betrayal. But that's only a guess.

 

We are not attacking him because of the children. We are pointing out that after 5 years he is still in this affair. We are pointing out that time and time again he stays in contact with her even though he claims to be going NC. We are pointing out that he still had hope for the two of them. The reason we are posting here is because he shouldn't even be in the picture right now but instead he is still meeting with her and coaching her through a divorce. What we are not happy with is the fact that he is still around enough to hear what her divorce plans are. Non of us believe children are a possession but his presence is going to continue making their lives harder. This isn't over. In a few weeks will get another thread about something the MW is doing that makes him angry. Also, he pointed out that he was upset about the way she kept saying "my husband", obviously he is still involved enough to get jealous.

[whichwayisup]

Stamp. I don't think you should be playing any role in her divorce. They both have representation.

 

She asked for his opinion. If MW didn't want Stamp to know anything, she could have just kept her mouth shut about it all, but she didn't. She listened to him and said that she would re-think things..But, once talking to her lawyer again, her tune changed.

 

All I can say is, she has some balls. She's the one who cheats, she's the one who is really messed up, passive and all -Yet she is going for full custody? It's just wrong and those kids are the ones who are going to suffer most. Just hope she wakes up before it's too late.

 

Stamps, you know what's what. If you need to back off and take a break from LS, do so.. Just don't let anyone from here run you away!

[whichwayisup]

What we are not happy with is the fact that he is still around enough to hear what her divorce plans are.

 

How is this ANY different than an OW waiting for her MM? There are tons of OW on here who have stuck around, said they were in NC, but infact were in LC, enough to know details of the breakup, D etc.. Why is it Stamps is getting crapped on, especially from other OW?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2179386&postcount=21

[bentnotbroken]

How is this ANY different than an OW waiting for her MM? There are tons of OW on here who have stuck around, said they were in NC, but infact were in LC, enough to know details of the breakup, D etc.. Why is it Stamps is getting crapped on, especially from other OW?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2179386&postcount=21

 

 

I feel the same way. There are so many threads going on right now where this is the case.

[whichwayisup]

I think it's because Stamps has been honest here. Sure he says NC, but then it's broken either by him or MW.. Atleast he's admitting it when NC has been broken. I'm sure the intention of going NC is there, yet when push comes to shove, it's harder to do and put into play..

 

Anyway, I hope Stamps comes back.

[Reggie]

I see no evidence of NC.

[quankanne]

it's got to start somewhere, at some point, even it's a series of false starts or misguided attempts of trying to do right by someone/help someone.

[Reggie]

it's got to start somewhere, at some point, even it's a series of false starts or misguided attempts of trying to do right by someone/help someone.

 

I agree. Time is now. Misguided is accurate.

[Spark1111]

Stamp, I am truly sorry for your pain.

 

Sometimes, people may not realize what their motivations are in any given situation, including affairs.

 

Is it possible that you were a tool to hurt her husband? Or subconciously, on her part, a punishment for a husband who did not love her enough, care for her enough, treat her well enough?

 

My husband had an affair with a woman who had gone through a horrible divorce. She gained custody of the child but used every opportunity to bad-mouth her ex. They are still suing each other.

 

He felt compassion for her and her child and wanted to help them any way he could. She told him how wonderful he was -- a true knight in shining armor, words he needed to hear in a low point in our marriage.

 

He finally realized she would never help herself. The drama and anger made her feel more alive, more valuable. While initially he got caught up in it and tried to make it better, he began to realize she still had too much emotional connection to the exH.

 

So I asked him: So, how do you think she is doing now?

 

And he replied: "If she has a new man in her life, it could be better. Or, you know what? It could be EXACTLY the same."

 

I am wondering if you are starting to see this too. When he began to see her addiction to drama and poor choices being made over and over again, that is when his feelings for her began to fade.

[lkjh]

How is this ANY different than an OW waiting for her MM? There are tons of OW on here who have stuck around, said they were in NC, but infact were in LC, enough to know details of the breakup, D etc.. Why is it Stamps is getting crapped on, especially from other OW?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2179386&postcount=21

 

 

His case isn't any different. The only real difference is he makes himself out innocent everyone buys it. Don't you wonder why he doesn't go NC, why he was keeping a room for her, why he is coaching her through her divorce. Can't you see that he is waiting for her and honestly believing he will end up with her.

 

I still remember one of his older post where he was describing how he went into their home and surprised her in the bathroom. Who walks into someone else's home that they share with their SO and does this? He is describing the situation and he has not been honest. He is trying to make himself out to be a knight in shinning armor. Notice he only put on here the thing about the children. Do you really believe they don't discuss anything else?

 

You have to stop and ask yourself is he trying to help her or hinmself

[lkjh]

It is sad that our society has come to the point where we actually romanticize this type of behavior

[jwi71]

Don't you wonder why he doesn't go NC,

 

Prolly because he loved her and its HARD to leave someone you love even when you its best for YOU.

 

Give the guy a break...I think he is well aware of how he got here...

[stampdaddy]

His case isn't any different. The only real difference is he makes himself out innocent everyone buys it. Don't you wonder why he doesn't go NC, why he was keeping a room for her, why he is coaching her through her divorce. Can't you see that he is waiting for her and honestly believing he will end up with her.

 

I still remember one of his older post where he was describing how he went into their home and surprised her in the bathroom. Who walks into someone else's home that they share with their SO and does this? He is describing the situation and he has not been honest. He is trying to make himself out to be a knight in shinning armor. Notice he only put on here the thing about the children. Do you really believe they don't discuss anything else?

 

You have to stop and ask yourself is he trying to help her or hinmself

 

WE DIDNT DISCUSS ANYTHING ELSE, you freak!

[lkjh]

WE DIDNT DISCUSS ANYTHING ELSE, you freak!

 

Ok so in the past month every time you discuss her divorce its only about the children. ya ok. So you are saying this is the only conversation you have had with her recently? Ya Im the freak

[stampdaddy]

Ok so in the past month every time you discuss her divorce its only about the children. ya ok. So you are saying this is the only conversation you have had with her recently? Ya Im the freak

 

This is exactly what I am saying... Do you realize that nothing else will matter to the BH?? That nothing else SHOULD matter to her? It is the ONLY thing that "I" have discussed with her. The ONLY THING!