What I've learned

[IcemanJB]

I really don't know why I'm writing this; I guess I've just been reflecting on the past 4.5 years of college after graduating last weekend. Maybe someone can get some insight from this - more specifically, guys who are unsure or think they don't have what it takes to be with a girl.

 

I started college in 2004 as an 18 year old who had never even kissed a girl before! Basically I was clueless with girls and really didn't know if one would ever be attracted to me. Low self-esteem is probably a good term for it. It wasn't until I was 19 years old that I started hanging out with a girl I vaguely knew from high school. As I look back, I know I wasn't even that into her, I just was curious about the whole girlfriend thing. Finally I kissed her one night, and that put an end to my dry streak - actually, I lost my V-card about 3 weeks after that, as weird as it sounds. We split after a few months, but I was over it within a couple days. What I learned: girls can be attracted to me, so I wasn't completely hopeless.

 

My grades really suffered that year, so I focused a lot the following year trying to bring them up. 2007 rolls around and this girl I kind of always had a thing for started talking to me. We started hanging out several times a week, and I fell for her. We were never an "official" couple, although I wanted to be. Without much warning, she started being very distant with me, but wouldn't explain why when I confronted her. Eventually I just let her go, and didn't pursue her anymore - at the time, probably one of the hardest things I'd done. It took me MONTHS to get over her, even though we were only seeing each other for a little bit. Actually I was pretty angry about the whole thing, considering how she handled it. Turns out she still had feelings for her ex-BF... What I learned: I can fall for a girl, and apparently I'm a good kisser haha.

 

Fast forward to the end of 2007 - I met the most recent girl I dated. Many of you know the gory details, but I'll sum it up. I still remember the exact time and place I first put my eyes on her. She's a good friend of my sister, and I was driving them both to my parents' place so they (me too) could study for finals. Right away I knew I liked her - gorgeous long wavy dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, light skin, and above all her awkward/dorky/funny personality. I've never used the word 'adorable' (well cuz it sounds...you know) to describe a girl, but she would fit it personality-wise and physically. Anyways, I didn't know if she liked me or not until about 4 months after we met, when she drunkenly spilled the beans to my sister. Honestly I was shocked because I consider her very very pretty, and myself maybe average looking. We hung out a few times, but she was going home for that summer (2.5 hours away) so there really wasn't much we could do. We saw each other maybe twice over the summer and kept limited contact. Then she moved back here for school...within 2 weeks we were seeing each other. Our first kiss was beyond words, so I won't even try. I fell face first for this girl.

 

Anyways, we broke up this past winter for reasons I'm still not sure - I couldn't get much of an answer since she was constantly crying. Although she couldn't say why, I think she is just not in the position to be in a rs right now mainly because of some personal issues I won't get into. I was a complete mess for about 3 weeks, and according to others she didn't talk about it much but they often found her crying. Eventually I went NC for 3 months and told her to leave me alone. We got coffee about a month ago, which went very well. As for now, she texts me about every week or so - just yesterday to inform me she'll be here this week, and then for good later in June. No idea why she told me, but she'll have to try harder than that.

What I learned: just because there is a ton of chemistry and your personalities click, it doesn't mean two people are necessarily compatible; i.e. stage in life, other baggage, etc. Also, the pain of that breakup was one of the worst things I've experienced - but I do not in the least bit regret going for it with this girl.

 

So guys, here's the skinny. If a 5'6" pale guy can go from ZERO experience at age 19 to falling for and dating very pretty, funny, and intelligent girls by the end of college, then I don't want to hear any whining from the guys that say "oh how can girls ever like me; I'm just too ugly; blah blah blah". I wrote this as sort of an inspiration to those guys. Although I haven't found "that" girl yet, I know she's out there. So to those guys who whine about these things (they remain nameless ), please think about the cards I was dealt (read: things I can't change), which truly meant very little to the girls I dated. Keep your heads up.