Anyone think a 2-3 year Engagement is too long???

[lowandlower]

Does it sound way out of the ordinary to ask my girlfriend to marry me, But wait and stay engaged for a couple of years(2 or 3) til we get goals accomplished, plans planned, careers all set up?

 

 

I want to ask my longtime girlfriend (4 years) to marry me. I know she loves me, But, I'm afraid that if I ask her to marry me, She'll feel pressured to get married right away and I don't want her to feel like she can't continue to chase her goals. I know I could talk to her about it, but i don't want to bring up marriage to her right now, I'm just in contemplating Mode. I would want her to be totally suprised when i ask her I was thinking about asking her on Valentines Day.

 

I'm just curious what everybody's opinion is on Long Term Engagements that go on for a couple of years.

[2SidestoStories]

It is not in any way unreasonable to prolong an engagement. I actually wholeheartedly support the idea of establishing parameters such as careers and goals and such previous to making the committment to the partnership of life that we generally refer to as marriage. You know that the divorce rate is around 50%? I think a lot more people are inclined to jump headfirst into marriage when they are absolutely not ready to be married.

 

Maybe I'm being over-cautious, but I don't see anything wrong with this at all!

[bruno]

I don't either. I plan on asking my girlfriend to marry me NEXT Valentines day, at which time she'll be a junior in college and me a senior. That pretty much guarentees that we won't be married until after we graduate, which would be 2 years for her.

[Jamie31]

I was engaged for 2 1/2 years. And I am glad we waited that long. There's no time limit that you have to meet from the time you get engaged, until the time you get married. YOu do what's best for you. Getting engaged just shows that you are planning to get married. It doesn't mean that you have to get married right away. And you can explain to your GF that you wanna wait.

[pippa]

I agree that it's Ok to have a long engagement and get your lives in order. But I do think you need to have some general plans in mind for the wedding itself, when it might be etc and not put it off for too long, so that idea of the wedding/marriage doesn't lose it's excitement, or continually be put on the backburner, while other things take priority. As long as it remains a clear priority, there's nothing wrong with completing other tasks first. It makes sense. You can decide together when and how it will work.

[betty]

Hi

I completely understand and respect your reasons for a long engagement, but from my own experience just be aware of a few things. In my opinion, although in many people's eyes not sensible, it is best to get married in the first throws of love (first few years) because in that time you know whether you love someone or not. A long engagement can lead to the position I am in - that you end up with a wedding looming after the worst 2 years of your relationship with everyone telling you to end it now because you are not married and the fact that although you still love someone the exciting romance is not as strong, real life is stronger and you may be faced with the dilemma of weighing up your options of escape versus sticking by someone you love. Just remember a wedding after a long term engagement although sensible may not be as rosy or romantic as doing it now if you can - look at your long term goals and talk about them now, talk about what you would do if the worst happened to you or your partner, do the things you want to now, talk about money having it and not having it and how that would affect your relationship - deal with those things now and then decide about getting married now or later.

[moimeme]

is best to get married in the first throws of love (first few years) because in that time you know whether you love someone or not. A long engagement can lead to the position I am in - that you end up with a wedding looming after the worst 2 years of your relationship with everyone telling you to end it now because you are not married and the fact that although you still love someone the exciting romance is not as strong, real life is stronger and you may be faced with the dilemma of weighing up your options of escape versus sticking by someone you love

.

 

This happens whether you are married or not. The problem is that, if you had gotten married and ended up in this relationship, you'd be posting here saying 'I don't want to stay anymore - help' and then going through the whole hassle of divorce. Marriage does not transform you; it only makes it more trouble to leave. However, if you're the sort to bail when things stop being all rosy, you'll bail whether or not you're married. Might as well never marry in that case to save yourself the trouble of divorce.

[Elza]

Hi,

I am 25, and it’ll 2.5 years by the time my fiancé and I get married next September. While Betty has an excellent point that it gets much harder with time to remember why you wanted to get married to this person in a first place, I still say long engagement is the way to go. Here are just few simple reasons:

 

1. Even though you love each other very much and have been thinking about getting married to each other all this time, it becomes very different when you get engaged. All of a sudden you realize that this is it – it is the last stretch. It makes you pause and think very seriously if you are making the right decision. When you have a long engagement you have time to do so, while some people get sucked into the excitement of planning the wedding right away and miss this step.

 

2. Ones you are engaged, your families are treating your relationship very differently. While before your future in-laws would just ignore all the things they did not like about you and your family, now they have to confront it. Long engagement provides time for you to come to terms with your in-laws and for the two families to get to know each other (very helpfull for the wedding planning -.

 

3. And finely, I completely respect that you are being a real man by wanting to get your life together before taking such a responsibility like family; I am sure your girlfriend will eventually respect that as well. She’ll know about your long-term goals if you propose. Plus she might want to get her life together before jumping into marriage.

 

Hope this helps…

[lostforwords]

I was engaged for 7 years and 2 children later before my husband and I tied the knot...... (and yes we're now seperated before i get another "curious" poster enquiring about my past.)