happyuk Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Right ok, I mentioned before about the whole trust thing. In a LDR and my boyfriend goes out for a drink after work only for an hour or so and he talks to his women work mates for a while. I know, insecure and what have you but this really worries me that he could like one of these women, sees them everyday and then goes for a drink with them! even though he says he just goes with the lads and they just go there too cos its opposite his work. I worry about him flirting and liking them more than me and talking about sexual things and they may like my boyfriend too. He says he doesnt flirt but not like he'd admit it! I then asked him if he found them attractive and he said it doesnt but why would it matter if he did? How do I stop the worrying because it makes me feel sick and not sleep and destroying our relationship, he says he still wants me. I wonder if I am worrying over nothing because I ALWAYS think the worst of things, pessimistic and just angers me so much Please advice
SophieA Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 There's really nothing you can do honey, except trust him! Has he ever given you a reason not to? We're not able to control anyone's actions, no matter how much we wish to do so. You're just going to have to let it go. Believe in what you two have and that there's no one else out there like you! Believe that you're a better catch than any other random woman he may meet. You said it's usually in mixed company, right? I wouldn't worry about it unless he begins spending time one on one with one of these women.
robinincarolina Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 The more insecure you appear the more likely you are to drive him away. Don't do this, it will destroy your relationship. We all worry about these things, we are women, but a confident and self assured woman is hard to resist.
Mahatma Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 The more insecure you appear the more likely you are to drive him away. Yep. This is one thing I really cherish about my SO. She doesn't worry at all about me with other women. Atleast if she does, she does not confide it in me. It lets me know that she really trusts me. If she showed signs that she was worried about me cheating I would take that offensively.
Author happyuk Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Yeah he's said to me today that I am pushing him away. I guess what I worry about is if he cheated and I didn't fid out then he'd get away with it and I'd be a fool. I cant stop this just like that though
Author happyuk Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 should i be worried that he talks to these women he sayd they come up and talk to him, they know he has me
lora22 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 This is how I look at it: if a guy is a cheater, he will cheat. Hanging out with other women will not make him a cheater. In other words, if he's the kind of guy that would cheat on his girlfriend, he will do it regardless of who he hangs out with - he could hang out with only other guys, but if he wanted to cheat, he would find a way. That being said, you can't control him, and you can't control other women. You can only control yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but try to relax; you're only pushing him away by being so insecure. Is it possible for you to go meet them for drinks one night after work, or to meet his work friends in another context? Seeing the situation for yourself, and feeling involved in that aspect of his life might help you feel more secure in your relationship. Jealousy is a wasted emotion, throw it away
mental_traveller Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 If a guy wants to cheat on you, all he has to do is pop out from work at lunch, pay a bit of money, and he can get sex with a prostitute easily. Or he could have an affair with a work colleague at lunchtime, no way you would find out. If a guy is going to cheat, he will cheat and you can't stop him. All you can do is watch for the signs, and then leave if it appears he is cheating. So all this fretting is completely pointless. What's worse, being obsessively jealous like this will drive him away or drive him to cheat. If you want to guarantee him leaving you or cheating on you, then keep on being jealous like this.
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