kimbop Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Long story short, my ex and I broke up two days before Christmas. He broke it off with me because he said that he wasn't "in" love with me anymore. That was a great Christmas gift. However, we talked since then and slept together a few times during our breakup with a month and a half of NC. I know, sleeping with him was a bad BAD move. Last month, we came together and talked seriously about trying again because we still loved each other. He confessed to have slept with a woman in the industry he worked with a few times, and I confessed that I dated other people casually and fooled around with my previous ex. We had to reveal the cards on the table. I completely forgive him for sleeping with that woman because I'm not stupid to believe that he would be completely chaste. What I can't seem to forgive him is that they agreed to marry each other so he can get his greencard (although he refused to marry me for that reason while we were together nor use my very good friends' services who were immigration lawyers and were willing to do it for free of attorney costs). He claims that he was willing to marry her because he cared nothing for her but he wanted to marry me out of love and the greencard issue would make it seem that he didn't. Obviously he didn't end up marrying her because he said that he couldn't go through marrying anyone for that purpose. He was only considering it because he hated his job so much but didn't want to leave the country (he bought a house here for us recently) and he was too depressed and desperate because of our breakup. The kicker is that when he went back to England to go to his friends' wedding (while still considering to marry her and during our breakup), he invited her to come and she did out of her own pocket. He introduced her as his gf to all his closest friends and his dad, everyone whom I never met. When he revealed that tidbit, it was a slap in my face because originally, I was suppose to go with him, but he took this skank, who knew he still loved me and was kind of seeing me(because they would drink together at conventions and he would sob about us and his situation to her), to meet his closest people. The reason he said that he took this action was because if he married her, he didn't want others to know that he married her solely for the greencard. I heard this news and almost didn't want to take back at him. He was so guilt stricken, and he feared that I would never forgive him. Since I still loved him and since this happened during our break up, I told him I would try after yelling every curse word I could think imaginable and was very tempted to throw heavy things at him or throw him under a bus. Obviously, I demanded that for us have a second chance is if he 1) told this woman via phone with me present or emailed her with me BCC that he could never have any friendly contact with her beyond strict work requirements because she's a immoral slut (maybe something nicer than that) and 2) show me that he wants this to work by not avoiding or pushing me away and actively act to win my trust. So far he has done nothing beyond calling me more even though he promised time and time again. He doesn't actively try to see me and would rather spend his only free day spending time with his only friend here which I'm not invited to even though I always invite him when I hang with my friends. It has been 3 weeks since my request. Why I have such anger at this other woman? Because during our breakup, I had A LOT of married (without rings) or involved guys hit on me, and after I find out about their status, I refused to have anything more to do with them. That's why. To even fathom on being the OW makes me ill. So therefore that ho needs to be reminded that she's a ho. Why the F won't he get his a** moving to fulfill my request? Seriously! Because I said that if this doesn't work out, I am cutting him out of my life completely, e.g. deleting his numbers, burning his photos, refusing to acknowledge his existence even if he's in front of my face. All my friends think he's a jerk to me especially after finding out about this new shortcoming and should be squashed like a bug because of his immaturity. I'm thinking they are right........ I want them to be proven wrong though, but he's the one who broke the trust and has done pretty much nothing to gain it back. It's only been 3 weeks and he's pretty busy with trying to find another job that would sponsor his visa in this economy. Am I being impatient? Should I wait it out more? Should I give it a more definite timeline or something? Sorry about this long rant. But every time I'm with him, I think we have a shot to get beyond this since he's caring and very loving. But when we're apart, it makes me overthink and I get extremely bitter and angry because over the phone he acts hesitant and unsure about us. The problem is that I don't see him that much. And he keeps claiming not to know why he said that he didn't love me in the first place that caused the break up. Because he confessed during our talk 3 weeks ago that a month prior to our breakup, he was contemplating marriage. What the hell is inside that insane brain of his? Do I need to get him some medication or something? It's like freaking Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
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