sandy12345678993 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 So me and my boyfriend dated for 7 months. I'm 25. He's 26. We got together in September. He was a recent dad and recently seperated from his ex-wife but hadn't gotten divorced yet. She kicked him out. No reconciliation was going to happen. He was adament about that. This was his second marriage. We met while he was working in my area and stayed at the hotel I work at. He travels around the Midwest and works in an area for a few months at a time then goes to another one. We got together and really only had about 2 weeks together before he was leaving again. It was such a good 2 weeks though. It was long distance and I knew that from the beginning. We texted and talked multiple times during the day. We were able to see each other about once a month on the weekends for the first 3 months, the last time at Christmas. I told him that I loved him then. After that our schedules didn't allow us to see each other as conveniently. I have a small child. It was hard to find a babysitter. I offered to see him once in February, but he told me that he was going to be working all weekend and it wasn't a good time. Again in March our schedules didn't allow. Things had gotten kinda weird with us by now. He was being distant and I was always asking him questions about our relationship. In April, he texted me and asked if we should take a break. He felt he needed to focus his attention on getting his divorce. He specifically said not a breakup and he told me he loved me multiple times and said that he would be back for me and be able to focus all his time and energy on me and would be with me forever. I was hurt. We didn't discuss rules of the break, but I assumed we would talk about it. He didn't call me for a week. I sent him a text telling him that I missed him and would be there for him. But i did not get a response. I thought I was waiting for him and giving him his space. So now it's been almost a month and I tried to call him to talk. His phone number is now not a working number. I have no idea what happened to him, if it's something bad or if he simply doesn't want to talk to me. HIs phone was the only way I had to contact him besides his mailing address. He didn't have email. My question is this: Should I send him a letter telling him how I feel and let him know that I am still here waiting for him? Do i wait and see if he contacts me? I am so deeply in love with him, and now I don't know what to do. Should I call his parents and make sure he wasn't in some kind of accident or dead? I'm so lost, and now I don't know what the next step is. Is it really over? I don't think he is that cruel to ask me for a break and give me hope that he is coming back and then change his phone number and never talk to me again. Now what do I do?
JeezLouise Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I am guessing that he has reconciled with his wife and new baby. I would leave him alone, and try to get past losing him. Good luck.
LonelyTiger Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I have to agree with JeezLouise. I know it must be really hard for you but if he hasn't contacted you and he has changed his phone numbers he certainly doesn't want you to contact him. It seems very likely that he has reconciled with his family. I'm sorry if this isn't what you were hoping to hear, but I think moving on will probably be less painful for you in the long run than searching for him and finding out something you wish you hadn't. Some people just have to have 'closure' on things like this and, if you're one of them, I would guess that no matter what anybody on here might say, you may well call his parents. Personally, I would advise against it. Whatever you do I wish you the best of luck.
Island Girl Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Whoa your story is so eerily similar to another girl whose love interest worked the same way - traveling all over the Midwest - I think she was in Kansas...? Maybe it's the same guy - ? She had the same experience with him - he was contacting and texting, calling, etc. then he dropped off the face of the planet. --- Anyway sandy12345678993, You need to quit waiting for him. There are a lot of red flags waving around. He has also changed his number. Unfortunately in this situation with him being able to be "traveling" or "working" all the time it gives him really convenient excuses to live a very loose life. That means he can give promises upon promises and expressions of adoration all the time. But when push comes to shove he can be unreliable, lying, and cheating without anyone really knowing anything. Quit waiting for him. And find someone that you can have a meaningful committed relationship with -- and one that can actually show you their life as an open book without those convenient excuses.
Author sandy12345678993 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Who is this girl in Kansas? Cause I live in Kansas.
bean1 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 26, a child, and 2(1?) divorces? If he isn't back with his wife, I don't think he'd want to be in commited relationship anyways. He needs to get his act together, if a wife with a small child boots her husband out of the house (and it seems likely that wife #1 did the same), then obviously this isn't any sort of prize of a man.
Island Girl Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Who is this girl in Kansas? Cause I live in Kansas. I don't remember the user name. It was a few months ago I think. And I'm not sure which forum she posted in - but it could have been the LDR forum. I just remember the situation sounded very similar.
Rollercoasterr Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I don't remember the girls user name, but this story definitely sounds familiar. If it's not the same guy, then he's got a twin.
Island Girl Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 What is this guy's job? Do you know...? Before this gets all crazy let's just cut to the chase.
Rollercoasterr Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 My mom once dated a guy that worked for the railroad. According to him they're the biggest bunch of cheaters and liars on the earth. Could be, or could not be the case with him. Just saying.
Island Girl Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Okay well, that other guy worked for an oil company. Or maybe he was lying about that too. Have you ever seen a pay stub, a uniform, etc.? How do you know he was separated? And if you knew this was in fact true, did you not question why a new mother would throw him out? --- Obviously really big issues like lying, cheating, etc. Don't you think? I mean, to me, if a new mommy tosses out the daddy there are HUGE RED FLAGS waiving in the wind. Those are the ind you just do not ignore or try to see past...
Author sandy12345678993 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 No, he definitely worked for the railroad. He stayed at my hotel for 2 1/2 months. Another guy worked with him. I saw him come and go from work. I went out to his job site once. It wasn't until the last few weeks of his stay that we got together. I did question why his wife would leave him. She was in Detroit, and she wanted him home. But I imagine in this economy finding a good job in Detroit is hard. He didn't like to be on the road all the time, but he blamed in on the ecomony that he couldn't find a closer job. I'm not 100% sure how hard he tried to find other work. He worked almost 7 days a week. In a good month, he got to be home only 4 or 5 days. She was pregnant when they got married. That was probably a huge factor. He said she wasn't nice and a little abusive. He said he would have stayed with her and been miserable, but she kicked him out. He hated to be away from his daughter. He seemed genuine about everything. But I suppose in the midst of what you think is a wonderful relationship, you tend to be naive and overlook some things you wouldn't necessarily otherwise.
bean1 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Of course she wasn't nice, she was a single mom! This man is not relationship material. The biggest mistake a woman can ever make with a divorced (?separated?) man is to believe him over the ex-wive(s)! There's NO reason a new mom would throw out her husband if he was a good man. No reason at all! My SO just turned down a promotion because he would be away for business 2 out of 4 weeks per month. We can't sustain a solid relationship and begin raising children like that. A man who chooses employment over his wife and child does not have priorities straight. Sorry. I'd rather he worked at Burger King and have him come home at night then have a nice empty house.
TMichaels Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 sandy, Just to put your mind at ease, here's the posts by the other person who had an eerily similar story to you that was also from Kansas: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=8264730 Don't think they are one in the same, but you can make your own judgements. Good luck to you, TMichaels
TMichaels Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 It doesn't work anymore. Odd. Well, no worries. Just do a search by username for "bravesgirl." Best, TMichaels
Author sandy12345678993 Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 So I wrote him a letter. Will he get it, read it, or respond to it? I dunno. I guess I'm one of those "closure" people. I figure I don't have much to lose either way, so I might as well tell him how I feel. I believe that however people make you feel, good or bad, you should tell them. I knew I was supposed to be with him when I first met him. I don't know if that translates into forever or just for the time being, but I was supposed to be with him then. And if I'm not supposed to be with him now, then I'll figure that out in my own time.
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