bentnotbroken Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 thanks, but it doesn't bother me when people pass judgement on me...especially when they don't know me at all, it's sorta funny . No one can pass judgement. We as humans don't have that power. All they can say is what they see.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 some people think they have that power. not me though.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 I'm not sure what you meant though, like his wife confronting me in person or beating me up? I work out .
Mino Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Hi, I am Mino! I remember saying at the begingining, I will take it lightly, keep my heart safe. LOL Guess what, that does not work. I think the more he noiticed I was holding back, the more he tried. 9 months later, I was stuck... Here I am almost in the 5 YEAR!!! Pain??? Honey you dont know what pain is till you are in the middle of the A. Up and down... Its non stop, some days bearable, somedays it almost kills you..If I could go back in time,,,,, I would not, would not, would not, would not get involved, not even for a minute... Goood luck, sweetie..
Author anabel1980 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 thanks for sharing your personal experience...I leaning towards no...actually, I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna go through this...I've been avoiding him...in hopes he gets the hint...
Bluebird In My Heart Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 This is going to come off as crass. Be forewarned. Please don't do this. Understand that as Mino pointed out, there is no man on Earth that will chase you like a married man with cheating on his mind. Sounds exciting? It's NOT. It's an insult - I want you to take it that way. The reason they do that doesn't say as much about how desireable you are (although I am quite sure you are! ). It's just...hey, they are married, so they have all the time and energy in the world to play games and keep trying if you show them even the tiniest ounce of interest. Most single men would give up after a while. Because it is a married man, it's easy to be lulled into thinking it must've been a Love Affair for the Ages! He just can't resist how sexy and wonderful you truly are... Yet not exactly - this is going to sound really bad and it isn't true in all cases at all, but sometimes it plays out like this: they really don't have too many options, ladies willing to play ball with a married person - all of that. So they'll keep you feeling like it's special. So maybe it's not as hot and thrilling as you think it is, having a married guy hit you up. He could just be a typical desperate loser who doesn't care WHO you are, just that he is getting some. Who wants that? Tell him to use his hand! Just remember: he is insulting you. This shouldn't be okay with you. No way to keep it light! It just doesn't work that way. I hope THIS will convince you to tell him where to go.
jj33 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Anabel if he doesnt get the hint just tell him. You are married. I dont get involved with married men. End of story. there is nothing insulting or impolite about telling someone you wont engage in an affair.
lkjh Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 You might want to rethink your rational. You were going into a affair with full knowledge of what you are doing. This would destroy his wife for the rest of her life. Your bf would be devastated and you don't seem to care. Is this the kind of person you want to be? I am not judging but instead I am wondering how this doesn't bother you. You have a biochemistry major and now you are entering grad school. I can only a?ssume you wanted to go to med school or some other professional school, am I right
Author anabel1980 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 yes, I care and I also question myself why I have the feelings the I have or do the actions that I do...like everyone. and yes I'm going to start a phd program in neuroscience...tmi but you wanted to know.
lkjh Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Don't you find it odd that you know what you are doing and what it can cause but you started it anyways? I know you said you stopped it but there are still a lot of things you need to do. For starters either break up with your bf or tell him the truth and give the same advice to the MM. I though you were going for your MD so I was going to point out that someone who wants to go into the business of helping others needs to start in their everyday life.
holy Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 DON't DO IT......it will never work. Now, you have the power in your hands and once you give yourself to him you are at his merci. It is great at the begining, there is no guilt...you are consumed by the newness. I have been like this for 11 years and I can't find the way out. It is taking the best years of my life. There is only 3% success rate that it will work for both of you....
Author anabel1980 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 funny that you said that. I didn't plan what happened with this guy and was definitely out of my charcater. all my years in college I volunteered at the hospital, free clinics and fundraising events. I don't need to be lectured on "helping others". what happened with the married guy was no planned. and about my bf, it's MY business to let him know about this or not, so no there's nothing I "need to do."
Author anabel1980 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 DON't DO IT......it will never work. Now, you have the power in your hands and once you give yourself to him you are at his merci. It is great at the begining, there is no guilt...you are consumed by the newness. I have been like this for 11 years and I can't find the way out. It is taking the best years of my life. There is only 3% success rate that it will work for both of you.... I never wanted it to work, well I did but no for the lon term you're rerrring to, instead just for a few weeks of fun. I guess that's very unlikely. I really never been someone that invest too much on relationship but that's another issue. I hope you find the hapiness that you deserve. hugs.
bentnotbroken Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Some people's idea of fun @ others expense is, well.....
Author anabel1980 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Some people's idea of fun @ others expense is, well..... yeah, nobody got hurt in my story. you think I'm sad? that's the least of my worries.
bentnotbroken Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 yeah, nobody got hurt in my story. you think I'm sad? that's the least of my worries. I don't know if you are sad. It is hard to tell from behind a screen. I just think the action itself is sad.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 I don't know if you are sad. It is hard to tell from behind a screen. I just think the action itself is sad. yeah, maybe to an outsider like you...but not for the parties involved. I suppose you never hurt a fly. it's all good.
bentnotbroken Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 yeah, maybe to an outsider like you...but not for the parties involved. I suppose you never hurt a fly. it's all good. I am not an outsider to the human race. :laugh:You have no idea how many people I have hurt with malice and pleasure. It isn't something I am proud of and I have apologized, that's all I can do. I can't change the past, but make sure the lessons learned guide me through future decisions.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 I am not an outsider to the human race. :laugh:You have no idea how many people I have hurt with malice and pleasure. It isn't something I am proud of and I have apologized, that's all I can do. I can't change the past, but make sure the lessons learned guide me through future decisions. so by the comments you made before and calling my actions sad are you trying to project your feelings of guilt on me for whatever it is that you've done in the past? moving on...
bentnotbroken Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 so by the comments you made before and calling my actions sad are you trying to project your feelings of guilt on me for whatever it is that you've done in the past? moving on... Freud had a point about projecting, it's not me:laugh:. Hmm projecting something I don't feel on someone I don't know:laugh:. All my guilt left with the apologies and the repentance. Guilt is only a zap from the conscious. Since I didn't mention guilt and you did....interesting.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 Freud had a point about projecting, it's not me:laugh:. Hmm projecting something I don't feel on someone I don't know:laugh:. All my guilt left with the apologies and the repentance. Guilt is only a zap from the conscious. Since I didn't mention guilt and you did....interesting. interesting. I admit, it was definitely exciting to do something consciously knowing is wrong. even if it were only few kisses and flirting. you said my actions were sad, but you youself have done things you're not proud of. I had a couple weeks of fun and it's over, but I don't feel guilty...I hurt no one as oppose to you. according to you my actions are sad; maybe they are sad but not my spirit. I smile when I think of the little fun I had.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 Some people's idea of fun @ others expense is, well..... I get it now. you were talking about yourself
bentnotbroken Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I get it now. you were talking about yourself Yes I was. And you and others here on this board. Our actions were a sad statement of our character.
bentnotbroken Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 interesting. I admit, it was definitely exciting to do something consciously knowing is wrong. even if it were only few kisses and flirting. you said my actions were sad, but you youself have done things you're not proud of. I had a couple weeks of fun and it's over, but I don't feel guilty...I hurt no one as oppose to you. according to you my actions are sad; maybe they are sad but not my spirit. I smile when I think of the little fun I had. There is that word(guilt) again and I know you are probably smiling, I have no doubts about that one.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 There is that word(guilt) again and I know you are probably smiling, I have no doubts about that one. ok yeah there's a bit of guilt, I have (had) fun with this guy that is not my bf...I admit it but I don't regret it...that's why smile when I think of it. I'm also glad is over before getting anyone hurt... then I would have regret it.
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