stuckinoz Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Anabel. From one that knows....You will get your heart broken. Keeping things light - Good idea in theory - but the reality is, it RARELY happens like that. You seem (just from reading) like a nice young girl. I hope that it all works out - whether the affair (&sex) happens, or you are gone from the job before it happens. Good luck to you in grad school. P.S. don't let some of these posters bully you around. P.P.S. I hope your boss realizes what HE'S doing (seems he would be in hot water worse than you if it all came out - at home or at work)
Author anabel1980 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 you make very valid points, thank you.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Anabel. From one that knows....You will get your heart broken. Keeping things light - Good idea in theory - but the reality is, it RARELY happens like that. You seem (just from reading) like a nice young girl. I hope that it all works out - whether the affair (&sex) happens, or you are gone from the job before it happens. Good luck to you in grad school. P.S. don't let some of these posters bully you around. P.P.S. I hope your boss realizes what HE'S doing (seems he would be in hot water worse than you if it all came out - at home or at work) thank you. i know some post are mean spirited and really of no help. i know i'm a good person overall but everyone has flaws whether they like to admit them or not, i'm very thankful for those posts that actually tried to help me and put their two cents without judgement. i'm not here to be judged nor judge others. again, thanks to you and everyone that offered a true advice for me.
bentnotbroken Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 thank you. i know some post are mean spirited and really of no help. i know i'm a good person overall but everyone has flaws whether they like to admit them or not, i'm very thankful for those posts that actually tried to help me and put their two cents without judgement. i'm not here to be judged nor judge others. again, thanks to you and everyone that offered a true advice for me. Anabel, I know you don't' like the tone of some of the posts. But the content of what is said is right on. As far as mean spirited goes, that's not always the case. I for one am very blunt and crude. I don't say that out of being bitter or mean. You might say I am a lot of tomboy who grew up with a lot of southern uncles. It doesn't change my heart. Some posters piss me off, no doubt about that. But all I want is for someone who is at the beginning of the roller coaster ride to not get on the ride. Some posters here have been on that ride, whether they are ap, mp, or bs. The ride sucks. It is debilitating for some and definitely life changing for all. All I ask is you don't always look at the delivery, but look at the content. There are posts that serve no value, I am sure someone has felt some of mine weren't. The proof that I have that the content of my posts were read and taken into consideration are the number of of board communications I have with others. I want you to understand that judgement comes with the ability to punish. None of us have that power or that right. No one can pronounce judgement on you. No one can judge you as a person. What can be said is that the actions are wrong. The actions will hurt you and others. The consequences of those actions don't always appear clearly when you are at the beginning. Those of us on the other side, no matter what role that is, see the consequences. Most posters are just trying to keep you from those consequences.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 but hey dont come crying if you cant handle it. Maybe you're just looking for attention with your oh so helpful posts, but this is exactly the place to come crying to if people are having trouble "handling it".
Author anabel1980 Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 I want you to understand that judgement comes with the ability to punish. None of us have that power or that right. No one can pronounce judgement on you. No one can judge you as a person. What can be said is that the actions are wrong. The actions will hurt you and others. The consequences of those actions don't always appear clearly when you are at the beginning. Those of us on the other side, no matter what role that is, see the consequences. Most posters are just trying to keep you from those consequences. i am not interested in starting a debate on why i consider some of the post mean spirited or useless; nor i am interested in your definitions of judgement, i know what it is, and i have seen it in some of the replies to my original post; which, didn't even ask the question whether was right or wrong to do this actions. my question was simple, is it possible to keep things light in affairs like this...nothing else. be blunt all you want, as for me, i know which posts to take into careful consideration and which to dismiss.
fooled once Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 i know i'm a good person overall but everyone has flaws whether they like to admit them or not, You think it is a flaw to engage in ANY kind of personal relationship with a married person? A FLAW? You are going into an affair with your eyes wide open. I just don't get why women think it is OKAY in any aspect to start a relationship with someone who is married. What part of that is okay? You are enjoying the thrill of it all. You are enjoying the attention of it all. You think it is fun to be sneaking around. How sad. How do you think his wife feels? How would YOU feel if you were his wife? Would you think it was a "flaw" if another woman started a relationship with your husband? So you just want a fling? I wonder if his wife wants any residue from the fling that you might give her? I just find it so sad that you would even think this was okay. I just can't wrap my head around it. it isn't as if you are being lied to by a MM who is proclaiming he is divorced. You are going into this knowing full well he has a wife. And whether you leave this job or not; the fact of the matter is -- it is a small world. Word WILL get around. You may need a reference for this job down the road. Do you just not care enough about yourself? Do you have no self respect? What about your morals? What makes you think it is okay to do this?
Author anabel1980 Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 fooled once, you dont make me feel remorseful if that's what you intended. i never said it was right, and definitely not interested in sermons; whether you think i'm an awful person or not doesn't matter...to me.
bentnotbroken Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I want you to understand that judgement comes with the ability to punish. None of us have that power or that right. No one can pronounce judgement on you. No one can judge you as a person. What can be said is that the actions are wrong. The actions will hurt you and others. The consequences of those actions don't always appear clearly when you are at the beginning. Those of us on the other side, no matter what role that is, see the consequences. Most posters are just trying to keep you from those consequences. i am not interested in starting a debate on why i consider some of the post mean spirited or useless; nor i am interested in your definitions of judgement, i know what it is, and i have seen it in some of the replies to my original post; which, didn't even ask the question whether was right or wrong to do this actions. my question was simple, is it possible to keep things light in affairs like this...nothing else. be blunt all you want, as for me, i know which posts to take into careful consideration and which to dismiss. That's all I asked is that you take them under consideration, nothing more. I don't wish or need to debate either. I wonder have you ever called any action by another wrong? Be it affairs, stealing, rape, murder, molestation...whatever. If you have, did you consider that judgement or did you just think it was wrong however light it was intended to be? Be blessed.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 i am not interested in starting a debate on why i consider some of the post mean spirited or useless; nor i am interested in your definitions of judgement, i know what it is, and i have seen it in some of the replies to my original post; which, didn't even ask the question whether was right or wrong to do this actions. my question was simple, is it possible to keep things light in affairs like this...nothing else. be blunt all you want, as for me, i know which posts to take into careful consideration and which to dismiss. That's all I asked is that you take them under consideration, nothing more. I don't wish or need to debate either. I wonder have you ever called any action by another wrong? Be it affairs, stealing, rape, murder, molestation...whatever. If you have, did you consider that judgement or did you just think it was wrong however light it was intended to be? Be blessed. i find this interesting. both actions are wrong, kissing a married guy and murder (you picked very extreme examples of what is wrong in this world. althugh, these actions share a common ground-being wrong-, they are complete different scenarios. but like i said before i'm not here to debate right or wrong. and most my friend would say i'm the least judgmental person they know.
jj33 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Anabel the problem is people often think that they can take thiese things lightly. But if you have to ask the question then you cant. 1. What if you fall for him? Then what? You are working for someone you are in love with and it is unlikely he will leave his wife and you are heartbroken. At some point you or he may end it and then what do you do? 2. What if he falls for you and you dont feel the same way? Equally big problems. hes your boss he may be hurt he may not be comfortable working with you in this scenario either. 3. His W finds out and it becomes untenable for you to continue working with him. 4. Others find out and someone files a sexual discrimination claim, eg. that you are being favored in some way. 5. You leave the job and have trouble getting a reference - or others in the industry know. Basically its a minefield. But that is not what you want to hear. And I know I was involved with someone in my industry. Not in the same company so it wasnt as bad but still not good. Really really not good. Great while it was going on but really bad once it was over and almost 2 years later, still not comfortable. We are civil but its not great. And the time in between was hell.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 jj33, thanks. i do find all your different scenarios possible. i suppose a lot can happen in a couple months (when i leave my job). i'm also concerned about what it would do to his life, he likes me a lot at this point and he has way more to lose if things go bad.
jj33 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Dont do it. So what if you are leaving. What if you want to work for that company again? What if your careers cross paths again? You are in it for the thrill the sex. Its not a good way to go and DEFINITELY not a good way to start your career. Im sure you are an attractive girl. There will ALWAYS be men in teh workplace who will want to sleep with you. The real challenge is to find a way to fend off the attention and stay friendly with them, and keep up a good working relationship. That is what you need to focus on as it will continue to be even more important as you progress in your career. This is a lot different than sleeping with a fellow student or a young colleague at a summer job. Youre in the big leagues now. You need to play it smart. The world is small. People talk. People run into each other over and over again. I dont want to harp on the fact that you are young but you are young. And you are playing a dangerous game with your career. As for him - of COURSE he has a lot to lose and you could be involved in something that would REALLY hurt his family. Enough people have spoken out on the moral issues, I wont repeat all that - but even without considering them, this is not a smart move for you. noone is THAT good in bed. Not even him.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 we are not sleeping together, just some kisses.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 The amount of time you've invested already just pondering this is just a minute example of what you will subject yourself to over then next few months, year, or possible years.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 in regards to your other previous post maybe it does matter. so, i disagree. sex involved is way more complicated.
bentnotbroken Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 in regards to your other previous post maybe it does matter. so, i disagree. sex involved is way more complicated. From what other AP have said, the emotions seem to make it more complicated than the sex. Is that true Lizzie?
wildsoul Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 in regards to your other previous post maybe it does matter. so, i disagree. sex involved is way more complicated. Do you know about oxytocin, the "bonding" neurotransmitter? Women's bodies produce it to drive us to become emotionally attached to our babies and mates. I think this plays a part in why women can go into a R thinking they won't get attached, but then once they start having sex with a guy, it becomes a whole other story! Men think the women are lying about not wanting a relationship. That might be true. But I think some women underestimate the bonding potential that happens. The oxytocin catches them off guard.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 yes i do, i have a biochemistry major
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 yes i do, i have a biochemistry major Your doing something wrong but don't want people to judge you, and are evasive about the OMW? What do you attempt to gain with this so called fling? Are you prepared if the wife does finds out and confronts you physically?
wildsoul Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 yes i do, i have a biochemistry major Okay, good. Then you should be smart enough to look in the FAQ here for how to use the "ignore" feature. You might be needing that anabel1980. It makes it so you can't read replies by people that get too rough with you.
Author anabel1980 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 Your doing something wrong but don't want people to judge you, and are evasive about the OMW? What do you attempt to gain with this so called fling? Are you prepared if the wife does finds out and confronts you physically? you still don't get it. you can judge me (or whoever). I just DON'T CARE that you do... peace
Author anabel1980 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 Okay, good. Then you should be smart enough to look in the FAQ here for how to use the "ignore" feature. You might be needing that anabel1980. It makes it so you can't read replies by people that get too rough with you. thanks, but it doesn't bother me when people pass judgement on me...especially when they don't know me at all, it's sorta funny .
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 you still don't get it. you can judge me (or whoever). I just DON'T CARE that you do... peace I was just asking you a simple damn question...one I see you refuse to answer. Good luck when the wife finds out I bet it wont be so innocent then.
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