lovely2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I have never done this before but i dont really have anyone i can talk to about all of this and i dont know what i can get out of this but i need some advice from anyone. So heres my story.....My bf and i were together for 7 years, we talked about marriage and having kids, the whole nine yards. Everything was great and then off a sudden out of the blue, he comes home and tells me that he that he wants to break up. I asked him where this was coming from and he said he didnt know but that it was nothing that i had done. I was a fantastic gf he said. He was just confused (which of course i didnt buy). I then asked him if he met someone else, he said no. He left the next day and i packed up his stuff and his brother came and got it. Two weeks later, i check my phone bill and they are 87 calls and 57 text messages, all from a week and half when we were still together that showed him contacting this other girl. I confronted him about it and he said she was just a friend ( bull****). After seeing that, i cut all contact from him. I was trying to remain strong and stick to my guns and not contact him and then he starts calling every couple of weeks asking stupid questions about where this item or that item was when i packed stuff. He was making excuses to phone me. I found out that he met this girl through my next door neighbor I then found out that he ended up moving in with this girl after 1 month of our breakup and then two months later they ended up breaking up. He starting calling more frequently and eventually i went out with lunch for him, where he apolized and said he made the worst mistake in the world and he loved me and wanted to make this work, blah blah blah. I asked him if he loved me so much, why leave a great thing? Why leave if i was such a good gf? Why sacifice seven years for someone he barely even knew? He told me he didnt know why he did what he did but that even though he loves me he needed to make sure that i was truly the one for him which he claims he knows now. Well i guess im an idiot cause i started talking to him more often and things were going ok, even though we werent back together officially, I was trying to see if i couldnt get past this. Like i said things were going ok.......until i found out they were talking again.....i once again confronted him and he said that anything they had was done and not going to happen again..I told him if he truly wanted to make this work he had to cut all ties from her he said he would just do that. Well i found out today that he is still talking to her when he is at work cause he has been spending all of his time with me. I know i should walk away from him, but everytime i try to, i just get drawn back in. Im not a stupid person but i just cant seem to pull myself away. I know i am going to get hurt all over again and that will just another year to be that i have wasted..Im just so unsure and thats something i have never been. I would love to hear from both sides, men or women.....Thanks
webmuse Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 He lied, he cheated, he left. He came back, he's lying, he's cheating.. see a pattern?
wow123 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 So based on my experience ...if they will hurt you once and you are willing to forgive them and they do it again...that's it! If he was lucky enough for you to forgive him he shouldnt be dumb enough to continue speaking to her because all he is doing is knowingly hurting you again. I know it hurts and you dont want to do it but you have to let him go. If you love someone...you never do something that you know will hurt them...
hopesndreams Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Is he back living with you? If he is, pack his stuff, NOW. If he isn't, NC He's playing you for a complete fool. You know that. He wants both of you but you are worth more than that. Quit wasting time and dump his sorry azz.
wild trillium Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Maybe he's got the 7 year itch or something.But you deserve better.Take care of YOUR needs. I'm giving my issue a little more time-not too much more though, because I have to take care of myself, my needs & my requirements in a relationship. Screwing around with other people whilst claiming to be exclusive is deal breaker to me. Sometimes people seem to make it past those kinds of incidents, sometimes not. My distancing bf is thinking about seeing others-at the least, I'm pretty sure. I know I can't deal with that so I'm preparing myself to let go.When I do find out for sure I am peacing on out of the relationship, if there even is one anymore. Trust can be a fragile creature in these kinds of situations. You have to decide for yourself and your own emotional welfare whether you are willing to try to nurse it back to health under the circumstances. If it were me I'd give him the boot even though it would be difficult.
cabarc1 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Look, most people don't even give their SO a 2nd chance. U did!!! That was enough! He has already done enough damage. Even if now he says it's over between them, u are ALWAYS going to be wondering. It's time to leave! U show him u are not an idiot and that u deserve far better. I know it's hard to walk away from 7 years but if u truly want to make it work, then leave and let him see for a LONG time, what he lost!
sugarmomma Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Take him back but only if you are a complete glutton for punishment. He will see you as just that if you forgive him again. Wow. He actually moved out to be with this woman? And you are considering taking him back if he spends all his time with you? Who wants to stand guard for that crap? Drop his azz like a hot rock!!!
Itsnotme Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Is he back living with you? If he is, pack his stuff, NOW. If he isn't, NC He's playing you for a complete fool. You know that. He wants both of you but you are worth more than that. Quit wasting time and dump his sorry azz. Totally agree! And remember that you are only treated how you allow yourself to be treated. Forgiving him the first time was giving him permission to do it again.
confusedcookie Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 NO! i understand that you feel that you wasted or sacrifaced 7 years of your life, and he threw all the things you guys worked for, out the window. but, imo, there are things that can't be forgiven, like cheating and lying. i'm big on trust and honesty, that is honestly the base of any relationship, don't you agree? without that, you would be always left wondering, is he telling the truth, is he not? this is the point where you start to get more and more insecure, though you never were before (i know, past experience; you start wanting to check is caller history or texts just to make sure his stories are true). without trust in the relationship, everything comes crumbling down, and while it was 7 years that you spent with this person, and you always thought you knew him better than this, at least you guys weren't married before you found it. also, maybe he came back bc you're like a security blanket, i mean, 7 years is a long time, so he went to test the waters, the tides are not right right now, so he comes running back, but he's waiting for the tides to go down again so he can try again. don't let him do that to you, you are better than that. Leave him, ignore it, make him regret leaving you for the rest of his live. you can be "the one that got away".
Author lovely2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 well everyone, thankyou very much for your much needed honest replies. I already knew the answer i guess i just needed to make sure i was making the right choice.........Just wanted to let you know that i have told him i never wanna see him again and that he is a lying cheat that does not deserve me and good luck with his thing.....lol. I have erased him completely from my life. Now to start the moving on process.
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