LadyV Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I am really baffled and need your input...men, women...everyone... How is it that someone can so easily move on so quickly after a split? For example, my XH, Whom I was married to for 13 years, started a relationship with a woman just 9 months after leaving? Although our marriage was in turmoil before, I just have a hard time dealing with the whole, "It's not you, it's me. I need to work on me and need to be along" stuff, then all of a sudden, he is exclusinve and seriousl with someone else.... Now, my XBF and broke up 2 months ago, he contacted me once again, we were in contact for 3 weeks, until I implimented NC 16 days ago, but already, has found someone...He kept telling me, that something was holding him back from going forward. He needs to figure stuff out in his head first, yet, starts a relationship with this women, while he and I were still in contact...just a week before going NC, he emailed me telling me he needs me, then all of a sudden, a week later is telling me otherwise. Whatever!! I just have never been one to just move on so fast? How do they do it????
belocchoc129 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 it just depends on the kind of person and how deep a relationship is. I think guys are most likely to get over sth easier than women. But moving on easily does not necessarily mean that you totally get over it. They still can be obsessed with the past a little bit, however they just try to do sth new to forget it. Its just that the way each person does is different.
carhill Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Easy to find; harder to keep Lots of monkey branch swingers out there....
dateyounow Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 it just depends on the kind of person and how deep a relationship is. I think guys are most likely to get over sth easier than women. But moving on easily does not necessarily mean that you totally get over it. They still can be obsessed with the past a little bit, however they just try to do sth new to forget it. Its just that the way each person does is different. I would agree. Sometimes we move on just so we will not be alone. That new person is just fill a space.
wow123 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Unfortunately i have just gone through the same thing. They break up with us mentally before they let us know. They are pretty much over it before they physically leave. I know it sucks but its the truth and I am dealing with it now as well...
CaliGuy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Unfortunately i have just gone through the same thing. They break up with us mentally before they let us know. They are pretty much over it before they physically leave. I know it sucks but its the truth and I am dealing with it now as well... That's pretty much it in a nutshell right there. To those who are dumped it seems sudden but if you go back, the warnings/red flags were there. We just choose to ignore them. The pulling away slowly is there. Hanging out less, hanging with mutual friends less, going out together less and yes, even less "I love you" being said. The thing is, the dumper has been contemplating leaving weeks, sometimes months (or years in some cases) before they finally pull the trigger. As dumpees we're often left holding the bag and wondering "WTH just happened?!" Truth is, the signs were there. We just ignored them.
stillafool Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I just have never been one to just move on so fast? How do they do it???? By having someone waiting in the wings for them to break up. That's how.
wow123 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Yes. My recent breakup (officially 2 weeks ago) was a combination of the two. I ignored the signs (hanging out less, picking silly fights, less affection). She also met someone else and I believe she went out with him and got to know him a little bit before she officially called it quits with me (we were on a break for 2 weeks before actually breaking up)
Author LadyV Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 I appreciate everyone's input. I know, every situation is different. I am honestly glad that I don't have to worry about feeling like a Yo-Yo anymore with XBF. XH did leave the marriage MONTHS before actually leaving. I held on for the sake of marriage and for my kids, even though I was very unhappy. Things with XBF and I went SO fast...He was telling me he loved me just 3 weeks after we started dating...I wasn't at that point, and honestly question if I ever loved him. But the rejection that I feel is still great, and it hurts. For him to keep coming back each time after we split, and the words he shared and would say to me, I held onto...but let them go as soon as I could feel things starting to go south again...He won't change, he needs help. I see him as a committment phobe. But who am I to say. I'm not a dr...lol. But each day it is getting better. I am holding on to the promises of my faith, as well as the fact that I love myself too much to be a doormat to him and his games. I just wanted to see what you all thought....
Nedved Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Think its really down to the individual to be honest. Some people just can't be alone and need to have a relationship. My ex has a guy chasing her for years now. he's totally into her and i'm sure he's delighted we've broken up and she'l prob use him for a shoulder to cry on with her problems now that i'm using NC but she'l walk all over him and dump him for somebody else. I know what she's like. I would'nt be one to rush into another relationship till i'm fully healed and ready to make that commitment again. My last relationship was special and took time and effort and i want the next to be the same.
Author LadyV Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 My last relationship was special and took time and effort and i want the next to be the same. Exactly...Very well said. I need to heal from my divorce, and then my rebound that I got into. Even though I thought I was ready to date someone, clearly, I was not because ended up getting hurt in the end, and am having a very hard time dealing with the break up. I wish I could just forget everything that he EVER told me....I'm sure he's saying all that same stuff to her now too.
broken_promises Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Ugh... yes. I am in the middle of the pre-breakup talks with my boyfriend of 3 years. He is also a commitment phobe - I am his longest relationship... just another girl that he duped into believing he really wanted a life together, I was the most amazing thing ever, etc. in a LONG line of girlfriends and one ex-wife. So, I feel your pain. And, recently, he started talking to an ex-g/f and another girl/crush - both from high school - after he joined Facebook. He is acting the same way with the crush in his words that he did when he was first emailing me on a dating site at the beginning of our relationship. And it is near KILLING me to know that he is already lining someone up before we are even over. (Not to mention, this girl might as well be me. All of his relationships have been with the exact same type of woman.) Even if there is no cheating, getting close to someone else seems to makes leaving all the more enticing to them. It gives them an ego trip and a way to distance even more from the relationship. And we are left feeling like they just were biding their time with us until something better came along. I wish I knew how to stop feeling so crushed when they move on so quickly, but the only thing I think can benefit us is if we look at ourselves, work on ourselves, etc. It's little consolation, but I really don't want to keep going through these painful breakups anymore - so I feel like if I can find ways to work on my own issues, life, self-esteem, maybe I won't attract the same dead-end relationship again next time.
Author LadyV Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Ugh... yes. I am in the middle of the pre-breakup talks with my boyfriend of 3 years. He is also a commitment phobe - I am his longest relationship... just another girl that he duped into believing he really wanted a life together, I was the most amazing thing ever, etc. in a LONG line of girlfriends and one ex-wife. So, I feel your pain. And, recently, he started talking to an ex-g/f and another girl/crush - both from high school - after he joined Facebook. He is acting the same way with the crush in his words that he did when he was first emailing me on a dating site at the beginning of our relationship. And it is near KILLING me to know that he is already lining someone up before we are even over. (Not to mention, this girl might as well be me. All of his relationships have been with the exact same type of woman.) Even if there is no cheating, getting close to someone else seems to makes leaving all the more enticing to them. It gives them an ego trip and a way to distance even more from the relationship. And we are left feeling like they just were biding their time with us until something better came along. I wish I knew how to stop feeling so crushed when they move on so quickly, but the only thing I think can benefit us is if we look at ourselves, work on ourselves, etc. It's little consolation, but I really don't want to keep going through these painful breakups anymore - so I feel like if I can find ways to work on my own issues, life, self-esteem, maybe I won't attract the same dead-end relationship again next time. Ah yes...the committment phobe!!! My XBF fist the description to a T!!!! He's had so many failed relationships...left both his wives for another woman, then the last one he was with, burned him BAD. He did everything to win her over, but in the end, she went back to her husband and family. He left his then wife and son to be with this woman.... He claims to be a differnt man. He opened up to me so much in the beginning..typical of what commitment phobes do...they have high hopes and make it very easy for you to fall in love with them. I only invest 5 months, but it still hurts...It's the first relationship after my divorce. XBF would talk about living together, seeing a future together, but when it came down to hanging around with me and my kids...3 months into the realtionship, he freaked and just said it didn't feel right. I did meet his boys, his parents, and am even friends with his sister. His sister has said that he is just a "mess" and can't be in a relationship until he gets his crap together, now he is dragging yet another woman into it? Who knows, mabye she doesn't want anything more than a good time, and for him, that is perfect. No pressure to be in a relationship, mingle families and all that stuff. It still hurts, to have him whister sweet nothings into my ear then bail not 1 time, but 3!!! That is enough for me!!! NC...Blocked EVERYTHING!!! So glad I did to. I am working on myself, I am working on my relationship with God...I am a firm believer that everything happens as they should. I am very strong in my faith, although while dating my XBF, I quit going to church. Funny how that happens? There are so many things that would have never worked out between us, and I see them more clearly now. I'm glad it ended with it did, and not a year later. It is still hard though, I miss the companionship, I miss the "beginning" stages of it all, when he was so open and willing...but, as a typical commitment phobe does, he freaked and bailed. I am so sorry you are going through this, especially with the fact that the two of you are still together. My XBF and I were in contact when he started talking to this other lady, and even was still "spending time" together, until I finally put a stop to it all. I'm glad I did... Please, keep posting, share your story...there are so many here who offer me support. I don't know how else I would get through this withough God, my family and my friends too.
broken_promises Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 OH! The opening up in the beginning! My favorite. The best line from my BF in the beginning was how, after his last breakup, he remembered asking out loud to his deceased grandmother: "Why can't I find someone like you?" And then he said to me: "And now I've found you." The thing I've realized about the type of commitment phobe I (and it sounds like you) have is that they are NOT looking for a woman who wants a "good time" but rather they seem to be looking for the love of their life. (There are the short-term commitment phobes too... date for a few weeks and then find something wrong and move on.) Ours really DO want that closeness and meet the families and such - talk about moving in, marriage, buying a house, etc. - and then, when that stage of the relationship come or when they start to panic - they start looking for their next woman that might be the love of their life... and the cycle starts all over again. I think the hardest thing is the change. It goes from complete and total love/interest/amazement of you to distant/aloof/conflicted about you. And it sucks because you are still holding onto all of the stuff that was said in the beginning and you stay because you are still hearing those words in your head - while ignoring the fact that he is no longer wanting those things that he said he wanted. Thanks for the words of support. I hope that things will get easier for us.
Author LadyV Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 I think the hardest thing is the change. It goes from complete and total love/interest/amazement of you to distant/aloof/conflicted about you. And it sucks because you are still holding onto all of the stuff that was said in the beginning and you stay because you are still hearing those words in your head - while ignoring the fact that he is no longer wanting those things that he said he wanted. Thanks for the words of support. I hope that things will get easier for us. Thanks for your response.... Yes, the beginning...Wow, he opened us SO MUCH...Even cried on the phone telling me how he hurt his kids by moving out of town with another woman and how he will never forgive himself. He did move back after the relationship with her didn't work out. The last time we got back into contact with one another, he was saying all the same things...How much he loved me, how much he needed me, and he misses me...I of course fell for it, and asked to see him one night, and that just confussed the situation even more. He told me to watch the movie, "For the love of the game" and even used one of the lines in there...saying. "LadyV....I know that I need you" Also telling me that he has hope for us, but he can't give me what I need until he gets stuff figured out in his head. Not even a week later, he was telling me he no longer sees a future with us. He feels that we are really not going to go anywhere. He liked the fact that I would turn to him for the physical needs, and not demand a relationship. He even said, "If you think that sleeping with me is going to get me to committ to you, you are wrong. It won't happen. I do not want to get back together." So, in other words, he wanted to have his cake and eat it too.... Now, he is involved with another woman, probably opening up to her again. He said that all the other women he was, didn't matter, and that what we shared was one of a kind and unique...BLAH. Crock of CRAP in my book! He's a commitment phobe through and through. He has admitted he needs "help" yet, won't go. He brings the same issues to this other woman. Yeah, if it lasts? It won't last long, he will end up breaking her heart, or maybe even trying to do all he can to make the relationship work, only to find someone better....after all, he is looking for the one of a kind love....He has a poster of the Notebook on his wall for goodness sakes!!! Yes, a man with a poster of the Notebook on his wall!!! Red Flag??? I just thought it was a man who was into his feelings!!!
ladiespickle Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 First of all from a males point of view I think they move on because they never gave a rats a$$ anyways most people like that are not phobes they are selfish and self centered they care nothing about only themselves and what they seem to think is right at the time. Or they are in it for another reason altogether different than what the other thinks. Which I would imagine would be love but theres no such thing in my case the woman was scared to death to be alone that would be called codependancy so she disrespects herself and her body to trap another sucker who is dumb enough to fall for her so called distress I guess i have to figure out me and why i can only attract sperm banks for women
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 They just mentally and emotionally check out, sometimes even physically. Again for me, all the signs were there. We broke up once before and got back together...but I think he only got back together with me then because he DID still love me, but wanted to get over me properly. I think looking back he had NO intention of making it work, he wanted to get over me, WITH me around. Whilst we were back together he made no real effort to make us work. We went on holiday but we spent less time together, less time with friends, there were less gifts, cards, talks on msn etc. Everything became less. But I was so scared to lose him for a second time that I was constantly on my 'best behaviour' walking on eggshells. I turned into someone quite pathetic really - lost my spark, lost myself, all in fear of losing another person. In the time we've been back together, I think its safe to say he's been distancing himself from me whilst we've been together, all the while wanting to leave me again. I started to do the same - because I predicted it was coming. It became a rollercoaster of being happy and being completely in despair. This time around he did it in an email. He checked out miles in advance. He will tell me otherwise; say he loves me and cares still....but he's just saying that in case he swings back my way, hoping the Motel will be 'open' so to speak. I think they set up outside security; his was his nights out with a group of friends, the distraction of his job and talking to several girls on the internet. I think if any of their safety nets fall through, thats the reason they come back; because the new person or the nights out or whatever they've replaced you with don't make them feel needed or special or whatever, but you did, because you sacrificed your self-esteem for theirs...and so they just grew in your presence. They come back when their support network isn't working as brilliantly as Miss/Mr Doormat, so they come back to wipe their feet on you again and take off. I think they make a decision to leave you. Either they are p***ed at you for something, want to be single, free, they are afraid, whatever the reason, they decide. But they are scared of the heartbreak so they get over you whilst their with you. They spend little time with you, so they can get used to missing you and replacing time with you with time for other things. They get used to all that kind of stuff whilst you cruise along on autopilot thinking you are unlovable or have done something wrong or that you need to let them be free and to say anything is being demanding, clingy, trapping them etc....so you allow yourself to suffer whilst they get you out of their system. Then they are gone. When my ex broke up with me over email he obviously didn't want to see me one last time, like he did the first time we broke up. He said in the email he's a coward and he is. Scared to see the look in my eyes when he ended it. They just get over you whilst their with you and then disapear. So many do it because its easier than having to go through the pain of heartbreak alone.
Author LadyV Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 They just mentally and emotionally check out, sometimes even physically. Again for me, all the signs were there. We broke up once before and got back together...but I think he only got back together with me then because he DID still love me, but wanted to get over me properly. I think looking back he had NO intention of making it work, he wanted to get over me, WITH me around. Whilst we were back together he made no real effort to make us work. We went on holiday but we spent less time together, less time with friends, there were less gifts, cards, talks on msn etc. Everything became less. But I was so scared to lose him for a second time that I was constantly on my 'best behaviour' walking on eggshells. I turned into someone quite pathetic really - lost my spark, lost myself, all in fear of losing another person. In the time we've been back together, I think its safe to say he's been distancing himself from me whilst we've been together, all the while wanting to leave me again. I started to do the same - because I predicted it was coming. It became a rollercoaster of being happy and being completely in despair. This time around he did it in an email. He checked out miles in advance. He will tell me otherwise; say he loves me and cares still....but he's just saying that in case he swings back my way, hoping the Motel will be 'open' so to speak. I think they set up outside security; his was his nights out with a group of friends, the distraction of his job and talking to several girls on the internet. I think if any of their safety nets fall through, thats the reason they come back; because the new person or the nights out or whatever they've replaced you with don't make them feel needed or special or whatever, but you did, because you sacrificed your self-esteem for theirs...and so they just grew in your presence. They come back when their support network isn't working as brilliantly as Miss/Mr Doormat, so they come back to wipe their feet on you again and take off. I think they make a decision to leave you. Either they are p***ed at you for something, want to be single, free, they are afraid, whatever the reason, they decide. But they are scared of the heartbreak so they get over you whilst their with you. They spend little time with you, so they can get used to missing you and replacing time with you with time for other things. They get used to all that kind of stuff whilst you cruise along on autopilot thinking you are unlovable or have done something wrong or that you need to let them be free and to say anything is being demanding, clingy, trapping them etc....so you allow yourself to suffer whilst they get you out of their system. Then they are gone. When my ex broke up with me over email he obviously didn't want to see me one last time, like he did the first time we broke up. He said in the email he's a coward and he is. Scared to see the look in my eyes when he ended it. They just get over you whilst their with you and then disapear. So many do it because its easier than having to go through the pain of heartbreak alone. Wow, through email??? Wow!!! Talk about a coward yes in deed! The last time I was with my XBF, he and I had an "intimate" afternoon...it was the day before I left town for 1 1/2 weeks. I told him then, it would be the last time we would be together. I cried, and he just wiped my tears. Later, he told me that he was going to pick me up from the aiport. Yeah, NOT. I was actually going to have him do it, but 4 days after I left, was when I discovered the date planned with his new girl. Although I had the feeling this was going on, I was still willing to be the side girl. 18 days NC. I thought about unblocking his number...NO WAY...I gradute college this weekend! I thought maybe he would try to say congrats to me because he wanted to be there so bad. This was the weekend he was supposed to meet my family who is flying into town. It's a good thing we didn't get back together for a 4th time, my brother was tired of me calling him upset at the fact that he just kept walking away; you know how family is...they care about us!! But yeah, Not going to unblock anything I don't want to speak to him again!!! I just wish that the uneasy feeling would go away...the uneasy feeling that I get when I think of him being with her...Actually, it comes and goes now. It isn't as bad as it was 2 weeks ago! I just know to stay off social sites so I won't see what they are writting about one another. Makes me sick....Ughghgh....But, in the end, I am a better person. I am dealing with this heartbreak ON MY OWN and with the help of my Faith..Yes, I rely on God A LOT...More so now, than I have have before! And the fact that he is already with someone else. I know that every person and relationship is different. But if he is a true commitment phobe, it will only be a matter of time before he freaks. Blending our kids together was a fear of his...like going out to do something...all of us and so we never got the chance to do that. This girl has 3 kids all under the age of 12 so I wonder how long it will be before he freaks about that again? But again, who knows. This may be "the one for him"...I'm sure glad that I discovered he was not the one for me, but it still hurts... I worry about the next person I date. I am not going to date for at least a year...my therapist actually said I really need to work on me, and my self esteem issues, and strengthen the bond I have with my kids. My kids have expressed how they wish they had more time with their father...(My XH started dating someone only 2 months after our D was final, and is still with her and she lives with him!) My kids deserve all of me, and that is what I'm going to do. I have a lot of work to do on me before I decide to date again...or get into something where the word "love" is thrown around like it was with my XBF. I want to heal and just be okay with being alone.....
broken_promises Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 OMG... Nikki and LadyV. It is like you are in my mind. Nikki... what an amazing post. Thank you for saying all of that. I'm the queen of doing the "best behavior" stuff and trying to be good and change. It is AWFUL because you know you are losing yourself out of the fear of losing another person but you just can't seem to stop. "I think they make a decision to leave you. Either they are p***ed at you for something, want to be single, free, they are afraid, whatever the reason, they decide. But they are scared of the heartbreak so they get over you whilst their with you. They spend little time with you, so they can get used to missing you and replacing time with you with time for other things. They get used to all that kind of stuff whilst you cruise along on autopilot thinking you are unlovable or have done something wrong or that you need to let them be free and to say anything is being demanding, clingy, trapping them etc....so you allow yourself to suffer whilst they get you out of their system." This is by far the BEST description I have seen about the person who keeps you around while simultaneously, as my boyfriend keeps calling it, "branching out" and replacing you with other things all while stringing you along. Do you have any idea how many times I have used the word "autopilot" in the last two weeks?! Perfect description. And OH LadyV... I am graduating from college next weekend too!!!!! I have worked SO hard for this going back to school as an adult and my boyfriend has been such a great support through all of it... and to be going through a breakup while trying to celebrate and wanting him there but not wanting him there... it has been an absolute NIGHTMARE. And I too worry about the next person I date. A while back, I had an ex who cheated on me very badly and I had issues with trust regarding infideltiy but never with the "falling in love" part. Now, I can't stop feeling like I am NEVER going to trust again! I mean, the guy I am with now said all the right things and I went in cautiously and really believed him... how do we trust the next person who says all the right things after you have been with a commitment phobe?!? This has made me feel so much less lonely in going through this. Thanks for all this mutual sharing.
Author LadyV Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 OMG... Nikki and LadyV. It is like you are in my mind. Nikki... what an amazing post. Thank you for saying all of that. I'm the queen of doing the "best behavior" stuff and trying to be good and change. It is AWFUL because you know you are losing yourself out of the fear of losing another person but you just can't seem to stop. "I think they make a decision to leave you. Either they are p***ed at you for something, want to be single, free, they are afraid, whatever the reason, they decide. But they are scared of the heartbreak so they get over you whilst their with you. They spend little time with you, so they can get used to missing you and replacing time with you with time for other things. They get used to all that kind of stuff whilst you cruise along on autopilot thinking you are unlovable or have done something wrong or that you need to let them be free and to say anything is being demanding, clingy, trapping them etc....so you allow yourself to suffer whilst they get you out of their system." This is by far the BEST description I have seen about the person who keeps you around while simultaneously, as my boyfriend keeps calling it, "branching out" and replacing you with other things all while stringing you along. Do you have any idea how many times I have used the word "autopilot" in the last two weeks?! Perfect description. And OH LadyV... I am graduating from college next weekend too!!!!! I have worked SO hard for this going back to school as an adult and my boyfriend has been such a great support through all of it... and to be going through a breakup while trying to celebrate and wanting him there but not wanting him there... it has been an absolute NIGHTMARE. And I too worry about the next person I date. A while back, I had an ex who cheated on me very badly and I had issues with trust regarding infideltiy but never with the "falling in love" part. Now, I can't stop feeling like I am NEVER going to trust again! I mean, the guy I am with now said all the right things and I went in cautiously and really believed him... how do we trust the next person who says all the right things after you have been with a commitment phobe?!? This has made me feel so much less lonely in going through this. Thanks for all this mutual sharing. EGG SHELLS!!!! How could I forget??? That is a perfect example of how I felt after the very first break up. I was worried I would say something wrong to push him away. He mentioned things that bothered him...things that he actually claimed to love about me, that got on his nerves. Just the fact that he was so negative too, and even told me that he didn't like the fact that I was the go-to person for my friends to come and talk to me about their problems. Just part of who I am....EGG SHELLS is NO way to live. Looking back, he treated me so unfairly and bad. I am really good friends with his roomate. He and his roomate are no longer speaking. Not because of me, but because of the fact that they live together and XBF is so annoyed with him. XBF would vent to me about it, but did I ever tell him I didn't want to hear it? No!! XBF told me that he didn't want to know anything about my friends or....he called me a gossip. I told him I was just trying to share with him...but he claimed that it pissed him off and he didn't want to talk about anything but the kids or us. As I mentioned, I am good friends with ROOMATE. ROOMATE has lost a lot respect for XBF because of what has happend. Things that I never noticed, but ROOMATE later pointed out. Crazy how we don't see the bigger picture until later. I feel empowered right now...thank you Nikki and Broken for replying to this tread. I know that I deserve to be who I am....loved for all my good qualities, and not cut down. I just think back to all the events, all the times he let me down one way or another. My birthday was a bomb...He was a total jerk. Valentines Day, he was a jerk then too!! Then, our last date. Wow, He was scoping out other women and even called a friend's wife..."Oh...there is so and so, and his HOT WIFE!" I said to him, "How can you say that? Wow!! He then replied..."Honey, who am I going home with?" He broke up with me the next day!!!! Wow...thanks again, for brining that up....I don't ever want to feel like this again!
Author LadyV Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 BROKEN....CONTRATULATIONS!!!!! We both should be very proud...My XH is coming to my ceremony. I asked him and am actually happy he is coming. He helped to put me through school, that was something that we both shared and I wanted to share it with him too....He ISN'T bringing the girlfriend though. I'm kinda happy about that in a way....lol
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