spookie Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Graham did not email me that day. I should have taken a clue. If you make out with a guy and he doesn't ask for your number and he doesn't email you at work the next day, he probably doesn't like you. But what did i do? I came home and sent him a text. It was stupid, too, nothing remotely normal like "want to hang out?" No, I decided to spell it all out for him. As though it wasn't yet spellt. As though that's EVER a good idea. Graham," I texted. "Just in case my signals were mixed up from all the drugs the other night, I wanted to let you know that I like you. But I feel like we're in the third grade, and I can only write you notes. Because you won't speak you me, I opted not to add. His response would have actually let me keep my dignity, if I'd felt so inclined. "I like notes," he texted. "If you stick them together maybe they'll make a letter" Just like that, no preiod or anything. I was spilling my heart out to this kid and he couldn't be bothered to punctuate. I called my friend to consult. "He's letting you down easy," he said. "I'd be hitting the bottle." Fresh out of gin, instead I hit the bong. But how could I just let it go? It wasn't that I was still interested; how how could HE reject ME? I got superstoned, and then I wrote: "Your reply made no sense, and don't you know how to punctuate? Anyway, you're skirting the topic." I counted to ten. No reply. Want to hang out?" As if ever in my years and years of experience of being in precisely the same situation has anyone ever changed their mind after being hassled. What did I think he would say? "I'm sorry I'm such a loser. If I didn't think you were too good for me, I'd have asked you out yesterday; but I'm so glad you made the third and fourth moves (along with the second and first). You're wonderful, and neither the fact some guy kicked my furniture when he foudn out you were coming on to me, nor your tears, put me off. Let's date." Nope. No reply.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 As if ever in my years and years of experience of being in precisely the same situation has anyone ever changed their mind after being hassled. What did I think he would say? "I'm sorry I'm such a loser. If I didn't think you were too good for me, I'd have asked you out yesterday; but I'm so glad you made the third and fourth moves (along with the second and first). You're wonderful, and neither the fact some guy kicked my furniture when he foudn out you were coming on to me, nor your tears, put me off. Let's date." Nope. No reply. Honestly... I struggle to follow. Sometimes a guy needs time to develop an interest in you. If you make things physical too fast, then it halts the development of those feelings. Also, if you act all crazy and confrontationally weird over nothing... that can also push a guy away. I think you might have done both.
paddington bear Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Being rejected is horrible, horrible, horrible. Problem is for you in this scenario and a lot of us others, you suspect you're being rejected, but you're just not exactly 100% sure, that little bit of hope is there. I genuinely believe that these texts and calls to men and women that we know in our hearts don't want us are almost a subconscious way to confirm that fact, in order for us to really punish ourselves but also to get the rejection that we know is coming sooner rather than later. Anyway, don't beat yourself up over the head about it. So what if you look desperate, who cares? Really?? I mean dignity is all well and good, but sometimes you've just got to take some chances and risk looking foolish. At least you were brave enough to tell him how you felt - he wasn't brave enough to tell you how he felt. This makes you the more mature, braver individual out of the two of you. He was skirting the topic, you pointed it out, the truth hurts, he didn't reply. I don't know what the answer is to being rejected and somehow not caring about it. Some people have a far better ability to bounce back. For the rest of us, I think we all have a sneaking suspicion that we're not quite good enough, someone we like takes us out on a date and/or has sex with us and we think 'actually, maybe I am good enough', then the said dater/sex person dumps you and you feel like that horrible negative voice about your own worth was actually right. Somehow need to not think that you're not good enough in the first place and then the rejection wouldn't sting so much...but that's a long process...
JeezLouise Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 What exactly do you want from him? A dozen roses and a proposal? To be frank, you live your life according to your whim of a moment. You seem to have very little self-control or impulse control. You made a random decision to have a random hook-up with some stranger after which you weep all over him in a drug induced haze, and now you expect him to be perfectly punctuated and jump back into a cuddle zone with you? He did something random with you, on a random whim of his own. Leave him alone. You are MAKING yourself look desperate and foolish at work; do you really think this enhances your reputation?
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 spookie, what was your relationship like, with your father?
carhill Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Spookie, is it possible Graham thinks you're unstable? Does he do drugs too? I don't recall. If he doesn't (I don't), he might view your behaviors and words thusly. I probably would. I'd be pleasant but distance myself. Frankly, what I'm seeing here is someone spinning out of control, and I'm so sorry to be saying that to you. I hope I'm wrong. Standing by for support
BCCA Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 "Your reply made no sense, and don't you know how to punctuate? Anyway, you're skirting the topic." In the history of man, has the accusitory call/email/text EVER resulted positively? Of course not, but live and learn...dont do that again. As much as we would all like to pretend what we 'dont know', its usually pretty clear in hindsight because the pieces are all right in front of us, but we just refuse to look at them. He made it pretty clear where his mind was when he gave you that crap about liking notes. Actually, he was pretty much a douche about it, which should have made deleting his number really easy, but instead you kind of took him to task over it. Sorry you had to deal with this jerk, but we learn much more from our failures than our victories.
shadowplay Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 LOL. Spookie, this sounds like something I would have done! Except I would have probably been even more explicit. Don't fret. You're not even that interested in this guy. He just seems like the best option in your immediate vicinity. There will be others, and with those don't spoil things by making the first move and getting physical immediately.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 LOL. Spookie, this sounds like something I would have done! Except I would have probably been even more explicit. Don't fret. You're not even that interested in this guy. He just seems like the best option in your immediate vicinity. There will be others, and with those don't spoil things by making the first move and getting physical immediately. I get you and Spookie mixed up Spookie the guy probably thinks youre unstable just like Carhill suggested I would have gone for hot, unstable girls who thought they were too good for me at one time and did and suffered the consequences This kid just seems to be mature
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I'm sorry. Secretly I saw this coming, but I had wanted to be supportive. You're impulsive spookie, like me. Which is really terrible when it comes to dating, because we like to be direct as opposed to constantly wonder about how others feel. You'll get over him, I'm pretty certain you will. But you will probably resort to alcohol or smoking pot to get over the ordeal. I know I've went through the same things when I suffer a rejection. Just drinking away my sorrow, and puking them away. I wonder if there will ever be a better alternative?
Author spookie Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 spookie, what was your relationship like, with your father? Meh. Weird? He's definitely eccentric. And the expeirence of having a relationship with him was split into two: pre-12ish and post-12ish (when he cheated on my mom, which shut me down to him permanently). But I take a lot after him. But does that really matter? I'm not sure kids need a father.
Author spookie Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 LOL. Spookie, this sounds like something I would have done! Except I would have probably been even more explicit. Don't fret. You're not even that interested in this guy. He just seems like the best option in your immediate vicinity. There will be others, and with those don't spoil things by making the first move and getting physical immediately. Haha, I was thinking of you right after I texted him that night. All your crazy texts to guys that would make anyone cringe in retrospect. You're right that I don't really like him. I had just put some hope on him that he was cute enough and interested enough to get my mind off of Jack. Guess not.
Author spookie Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Spookie, is it possible Graham thinks you're unstable? Does he do drugs too? I don't recall. If he doesn't (I don't), he might view your behaviors and words thusly. I probably would. I'd be pleasant but distance myself. Frankly, what I'm seeing here is someone spinning out of control, and I'm so sorry to be saying that to you. I hope I'm wrong. Standing by for support Graham was uncomfortable hanging out with me and my friends that whole night because he viewed us as a part of the "establishment". He does not view himself as a part of the stuffy conservative corporate-life-and-family world that we work and live in, and bits of me yearn to finally feel like I belong in. He is tattooed, smokes pot, drops acid, and wants to be a musician when he grows up; which shoudl be any day now, as he's 24. In the meantime he's an actuary. But he hates or fears money, soccer moms, and republicans. It's pretty immature really. Or so I thought. Clearly he's proving himself to be smarter than expected, by staying the fcvk away from me. Or maybe he just din't like my music? God, how the fcvk do people FIND people to be in relationships with.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Graham was uncomfortable hanging out with me and my friends that whole night because he viewed us as a part of the "establishment". He does not view himself as a part of the stuffy conservative corporate-life-and-family world that we work and live in, and bits of me yearn to finally feel like I belong in. He is tattooed, smokes pot, drops acid, and wants to be a musician when he grows up; which shoudl be any day now, as he's 24. In the meantime he's an actuary. But he hates or fears money, soccer moms, and republicans. It's pretty immature really. Or so I thought. Clearly he's proving himself to be smarter than expected, by staying the fcvk away from me. Or maybe he just din't like my music? God, how the fcvk do people FIND people to be in relationships with. You definitely got the better end of the deal. I don't see how he would be any better than Jack.
Author spookie Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 I'm sorry. Secretly I saw this coming, but I had wanted to be supportive. You're impulsive spookie, like me. Which is really terrible when it comes to dating, because we like to be direct as opposed to constantly wonder about how others feel. You'll get over him, I'm pretty certain you will. But you will probably resort to alcohol or smoking pot to get over the ordeal. I know I've went through the same things when I suffer a rejection. Just drinking away my sorrow, and puking them away. I wonder if there will ever be a better alternative? You know, it's funny that you bring that up. I was thinking about how I haven't yet actually started the spiralling into crazy yet, though this looks like the beginning, but I still have a CHOICE. In a way it's good that this happened. It's separated me and Rylan. And nothing horribly terribly crazy happened that night. We didn't have sex. We got drunk and kissed and I passed out in his bed. It doens't have to be a big deal if I don't want it to. I'm not going to drink this away, in fact I was just considering how maybe I should use this as yet another push in the direction of sobriety. I've been doing pretty good lately, definitely cut back on the pot, barely drink at all (THAT was my first night out in months, and I don't drink at home); and s!ht like this, though familiar AND exciting, makes me feel badly about myself, even if it does take my mind off of Jack. I need to get over Jack. But there's gotta be a better way of doing it than acting like a drunken whore.
Author spookie Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 LOL. Spookie, this sounds like something I would have done! Except I would have probably been even more explicit. Don't fret. You're not even that interested in this guy. He just seems like the best option in your immediate vicinity. There will be others, and with those don't spoil things by making the first move and getting physical immediately. I'm so fcvkign in love with Jack.
carhill Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Well scratch any redemption for Graham I'm not sure kids need a father. And there goes the neighborhood....
Land Shark Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 You have to get over the idea that every guy you dig should automatically dig you. Or that the timing can never be wrong. There is no question that you're an attractive and interesting woman. But it's going to take a guy who appreciates your particular type of attractive and interesting. Many of the best things in life are not in high demand, because the majority of people don't have great taste. I mean look at their shoes or cars, clothes or houses, or even hairstyles. You'll find that most people just like what's average or adequate. The right guy for you will have an above average mind and an appreciation for yours. And a good sense of humor and a lot of patience. And he won't be in the mainstream. Maybe Jack likes average women. Maybe Graham does, too. If you want to end up with the right guy, you need to know yourself a bit better.
shadowplay Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I'm so fcvkign in love with Jack. Aww. I know how you feel. Just had a dream about Harvard guy the other night, which is entirely pointless and ridiculous. Why do we torture ourselves like this? I wish I could fall in love far more easily, and get over it quickly when it didn't work out.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 You have to get over the idea that every guy you dig should automatically dig you. Or that the timing can never be wrong. There is no question that you're an attractive and interesting woman. But it's going to take a guy who appreciates your particular type of attractive and interesting. Many of the best things in life are not in high demand, because the majority of people don't have great taste. I mean look at their shoes or cars, clothes or houses, or even hairstyles. You'll find that most people just like what's average or adequate. The right guy for you will have an above average mind and an appreciation for yours. And a good sense of humor and a lot of patience. And he won't be in the mainstream. Maybe Jack likes average women. Maybe Graham does, too. If you want to end up with the right guy, you need to know yourself a bit better. What a touching post I'm not so sure I buy it though There's no question that Spookie is really bright and interesting. And from what I've seen she's quite attractive as well I'm not questioning that But there were bright, interesting, attractive women I got involved with that I wish I never had met She admits that she doesn't even really like this guy that much. That she would much rather be with this Jack fellow. She seems to be quite content using men for validation purposes and to alleviate feelings of boredom or even to diminish feelings for Jack Maybe this guys is hip to her and doesn't want any part of it I'm not saying this stuff to put down Spokie, I think she's really cool, but she still is quite selfish in her perspective
goldencloud Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Spookie, do not fret love, your text is like the story of my life. I'm extremely impulsive myself and will (depending on day and mood) send bizarre mesages that make no sense when my mind becomes logical again! Like you(and Im assuming here) I have no problem AT ALL meeting a man...the bloody porblem is maintaining him beyond 3 weeks! People always tell me I have a 'unqiue' way of being, and most guys find me quite different from anyone they've ever dated! Sounds like a good thing...but possibly not considering none of them really stuck around in the recent past lol!
Trialbyfire Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Meh. Weird? He's definitely eccentric. And the expeirence of having a relationship with him was split into two: pre-12ish and post-12ish (when he cheated on my mom, which shut me down to him permanently). But I take a lot after him. But does that really matter? I'm not sure kids need a father. It really matters. So, pre and post-12, how did you view him?
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Oh who cares? If I type more than a sentence it's a waste of energy. It's pointless giving advice to people with a severe cognitive bias towards the dramatic.
Author spookie Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 You have to get over the idea that every guy you dig should automatically dig you. Or that the timing can never be wrong. There is no question that you're an attractive and interesting woman. But it's going to take a guy who appreciates your particular type of attractive and interesting. Many of the best things in life are not in high demand, because the majority of people don't have great taste. I mean look at their shoes or cars, clothes or houses, or even hairstyles. You'll find that most people just like what's average or adequate. The right guy for you will have an above average mind and an appreciation for yours. And a good sense of humor and a lot of patience. And he won't be in the mainstream. Maybe Jack likes average women. Maybe Graham does, too. If you want to end up with the right guy, you need to know yourself a bit better. Aww, thanks LS. I really hope you are right. Seems all I've ever attracted has been creeps or losers, though. Have I ever even met a viable option? I hope Wesley wasn't the best relationship I'll ever have. =(
Author spookie Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 What a touching post I'm not so sure I buy it though There's no question that Spookie is really bright and interesting. And from what I've seen she's quite attractive as well I'm not questioning that But there were bright, interesting, attractive women I got involved with that I wish I never had met She admits that she doesn't even really like this guy that much. That she would much rather be with this Jack fellow. She seems to be quite content using men for validation purposes and to alleviate feelings of boredom or even to diminish feelings for Jack Maybe this guys is hip to her and doesn't want any part of it I'm not saying this stuff to put down Spokie, I think she's really cool, but she still is quite selfish in her perspective I don't want to use men for validation. Really I don't. You are right though, I do. But I can I avoid doing that if all I ever do is fall hard for people I can't have? Am I supposed to just... not get at all involved with anyone at all? Have zero romantic "experiences" in years and years and years and years....?
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