trenino Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 i am having a huge doubt about someone who is chasing me but he is on and off all the time. One week shown up the next gone..only communicate via sms and online chat. So i thought he is not serious and just want to play game. My question is, do i have to say something or just completely disappear? NC? Which one is better way ? Does it really matter for a girl to tell a guy ?
tinklebell Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I would prefer to tell the guy, only because I would appreciate if he did that if he wanted to break up with me. But it depends on how long you guys have been going out. Another thing is if you choose to just disappear, you have to prepare that he may some day come back asking you what happened.
Author trenino Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Hi Tinklebell, We went out like 6 -7 times in a period of 7 weeks or a bit more. He told me he felt he has a chemistry and connected when we were together. However, i am not comfortable with his MIA behavior. When i texted him, sometimes he didnt reply at all and disapeard for few days then he will come up with all sort of stories, he was ill, his father was ill, his friend passed away, etc. He said he considered me as a gf but i told him that i need some space and time before i decide to be exclusive. The reason is i have a feeling that he is just trying to play around (even though he said he didn't play a game). No matter what he said, the attitude and how he treats me matter more, right? i have not heard him for about 10 days now. How should i tell him ? should i say " hey.. i think we should cool it off? would it be better ? or just gone with the wind?
carhill Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 The next time he contacts you, count the days and let him know it was one too many TBH, he's likely got a GF somewhere else...
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I'd say because he's pulling chronic NC on you, you should do the same. I would. I mean, what does he expect? That you'll just keep waiting around for him to pop back into the picture when he decides you're worth his time? No thanks. I'd be sending him a message back using the same method he's using.
Author trenino Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 he just contacted me and apologized. He said that he felt bad that he has been treating me badly and not being a good person. He mentioned that his father got a final report from the hospital that he is in terminal condition cancer. His father is in UK and he told me he has been drinking a lot last week and very down. He resigned from his job last monday and want to go back to take care his father n mother. His mother is also not in very good condition. he said that all the things he said to me about his feeling was true and he didnt play a game with me. He asked me if i would give him a chance to meet him for a dinner for the very last time before he is flying back to UK. I feel sad and he keep on apologizing and he said he will miss me and he started having strong feeling for me. But he feels that he is not a good person and he wants me to find a better man for me. He feels that he needs to put him self together and start taking care his parents. i dont know what i am supposed to do...i am afraid he is messing my head and feeling.. I couldnt say much, i was feeling like crying but i didnt and hold my feeling. i just didnt say much except telling him to do what he needs to do and suggest him to act like a grown up man. Should i give him a chance to meet me for dinner?
Truly Lost Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Go ahead and meet him for dinner. What harm could it cause? Just know that after dinner and hanging out that he isn't going to be in the picture any longer. At least now you have your answer and some closure. Thats more than a lot of people get.
Lizzie60 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 i am having a huge doubt about someone who is chasing me but he is on and off all the time. One week shown up the next gone..only communicate via sms and online chat. So i thought he is not serious and just want to play game. My question is, do i have to say something or just completely disappear? NC? Which one is better way ? Does it really matter for a girl to tell a guy ? In your case it doesn't really matter since he's not someone you're having a real life relationship with. just block him or ignore him.. he'll get the message.. no need to say anything, unless you've already met him in person.
Lyssa Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I would meet up with him for dinner but with no expectations whatsoever. He will be going back to take care of his father as a good son should so keep that in mind - he isn't the one for you, not right now anyway.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I personally would not go to the dinner. It would accomplish - what, exactly? I'd accept his apology, tell him I'm sorry to hear about his parents and the rough time he's having, and I hope he has a safe trip. What is the point of going to dinner with him? And actually - I'm a very compassionate person. I end up getting suckered by people very easily and usually taken advantage of because I usually care (about everybody!) too much. But on the outside looking in on this one, I'm going to say - take care of yourself. If it would make YOU feel good to go see him one more time, then do it. If you'll go because you feel some sick sense of obligation (why? He played games with your head/heart, abandoned you on numerous occasions, and disappeared for 10 days - and broke down crying and apologizing on the phone ONCE for ALL of the ****ty behavior), then I say don't do it.
loveslife Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I'm not sure what I'd actually do, but just be honest with yourself about how you'd feel going to dinner with him knowing he's leaving. Would it make you more emotionally attached? Would you possibly sleep with him and then have to deal with the emotional ramifications? Do what feels right.
tinklebell Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 When a guy tells you he doesn't think he's good for you, believe him. I'm not sure about dinner because I doubt you're in the position to immediately think of it as a friendly dinner. You probably would have hopes. Even if you don't, the dinner may cause some. Like what Soulsearch said, I would accept his apology but wouldn't go for dinner.
Author trenino Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 thanks all for the reply... yeah.. tinklebell.. again you are right.. i believe he is not good for me. I even start doubting if he just making up a tragic story so that i have some sympathy for him. This morning he asked me how I am doing and a bit texts from him in the evening. loveslife : I'm not sure what I'd actually do, but just be honest with yourself about how you'd feel going to dinner with him knowing he's leaving. Would it make you more emotionally attached? Would you possibly sleep with him and then have to deal with the emotional ramifications? Do what feels right. SoulSearch_CO : Yeah... you are absolutely right.. I still have doubt about him and the fact that he was MIA in the past..really really made me sad. I am afraid he will just turn the situation and takes the opportunity to have sex with me or something like that. S He played games with your head/heart, abandoned you on numerous occasions, and disappeared for 10 days - and broke down crying and apologizing on the phone ONCE for ALL of the ****ty behavior), then I say don't do it. the memory of his MIA is still fresh in mind and leave me with doubt even though i know that i care.i just dont understand why did he has to behave like that? was he just lying about all the tragic stories? I dont want to get confused again..
tinklebell Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 This morning he asked me how I am doing and a bit texts from him in the evening. the memory of his MIA is still fresh in mind and leave me with doubt even though i know that i care.i just dont understand why did he has to behave like that? was he just lying about all the tragic stories? I dont want to get confused again.. He probably asked because he felt guilty for what he's done, not necessarily that he wants anything more. You don't have to be confused or not confused. Whether he was lying about the tragic stories isn't your concern. He TOLD you the tragic story, real or fake. So you just need to know that you have to pick yourself up from here and not look back.
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