Author hartbroken Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Bent, you're the type to want to know. If I was a BS, I'd want to know too (does that surprise you?) But we don't know if THIS wife would want to know. And the timing is wrong. HB needs to be in NC. She needs to take her focus off xMM and his W. However, if the wife comes to HB asking for the truth, then I absolutely think she should tell. But again, at this point, HB needs to stop obsessing about that MM and his marriage! I keep underlining that point here because I'm SO recently out of a breakup. Withdrawal is HARD. So while I know you BS's mean well by telling her to tell the W, I don't think you understand how hard it is to go NC. Encouraging her to get in any contact, or to even keep worrying about the tell/don't tell decision can set her back. She just broke up with him, and has miles to go. ==> HB, speak up if I'm misrepresenting you. No Wildsoul..I think you have about got it right I do have MANY miles to go
bentnotbroken Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Bent, you're the type to want to know. If I was a BS, I'd want to know too (does that surprise you?) But we don't know if THIS wife would want to know. And the timing is wrong. HB needs to be in NC. She needs to take her focus off xMM and his W. However, if the wife comes to HB asking for the truth, then I absolutely think she should tell. But again, at this point, HB needs to stop obsessing about that MM and his marriage! I keep underlining that point here because I'm SO recently out of a breakup. Withdrawal is HARD. So while I know you BS's mean well by telling her to tell the W, I don't think you understand how hard it is to go NC. Encouraging her to get in any contact, or to even keep worrying about the tell/don't tell decision can set her back. She just broke up with him, and has miles to go. ==> HB, speak up if I'm misrepresenting you. You misunderstood. I said, I wished she would tell. And that I knew she would be counseled not to. That's why I stated it the way I did, I knew she wouldn't. It is the usual response that AP are given and while I don't understand it, I do recognize that I have no problem with speaking what's on my mind:rolleyes: and that most people don't necessarily feel they can do that. I was married for 20+ years w/ two children. Believe me... I know how hard it is to go NC with a person I still loved at the time. I had taken all I wanted to take from someone making decisions about my life without my consent. So NC isn't exclusive to the AP. And as I told HB, I see her dilemma....clearly. I am not encouraging her to hurt herself no more than I would encourage her to stick her hand in a pot of boiling water. She and I were just having a back forth without grilling or animosity...nothing more...HB I hope you understood my intent was to receive and give information.
Author hartbroken Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 You misunderstood. I said, I wished she would tell. And that I knew she would be counseled not to. That's why I stated it the way I did, I knew she wouldn't. It is the usual response that AP are given and while I don't understand it, I do recognize that I have no problem with speaking what's on my mind:rolleyes: and that most people don't necessarily feel they can do that. I was married for 20+ years w/ two children. Believe me... I know how hard it is to go NC with a person I still loved at the time. I had taken all I wanted to take from someone making decisions about my life without my consent. So NC isn't exclusive to the AP. And as I told HB, I see her dilemma....clearly. I am not encouraging her to hurt herself no more than I would encourage her to stick her hand in a pot of boiling water. She and I were just having a back forth without grilling or animosity...nothing more...HB I hope you understood my intent was to receive and give information. Yes of course I do..This is why I am here to talk and to learn and get support (and hopefully be able to give some some day) from others...And posting here is helping me from contacting him which I want to do but I know I cannot...I need to be kept on track...
wildsoul Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 That's why I stated it the way I did, I knew she wouldn't. Gotcha Bent!
Recommended Posts