Strawberry Fields Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 So I met this really attractive guy that I'm completely head over heels for about a month ago. Just to clarify, we only talk via text message because I don't have voice minutes available on my phone AND I don't have a landline. We were always kind of indirectly acquainted because we had a lot of mutual friends and always saw each other around town. Finally, about a month ago, we ran into each other and started to talk. He asked for my number and texted me soon after we went our separate ways. The night after we first talked, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked him why he never approached me previously. He stated he was "intimidated". I told him that was a lame excuse and he insisted it was true, and that he wouldn't "act like a complete p**** for the sake of reverse psychology". Anyway, after that, we started texting each other daily... almost every day to be honest. At first I was very hesitant - when he asked me if I'd like to hang out I only replied "maybe". Eventually I caved and I hung out with him, which consisted of going with him to a friends house for a small get together, and the night ended with a kiss. A few days later, we hung out again, this time at a different friends house for another small get together. Then, about a week ago, the same - a small get together at a friend's house, which ended with a short makeout session. Now, it's been like 8 days since we last saw each other. He hasn't asked me to hang out again, which is fine since he's busy with work and other things since school just got out. But, it kind of bothers me. He sends picture text messages to me, calls me beautiful and asks for pictures of myself back, and subtle but cute messages about how he wishes he was with me and not at work. Yet, still no next hang out date. I have mixed feelings about everything. When we hang out we're always going with his friends. When we first hung out, he told me he wanted to take me out for dinner and to a movie and that was never talked about again. I don't know, maybe I'm being a little anxious here, but I kind of get the impression like he's not that interested in me. I kind of want to back off for a while and not approach him to see what happens. I need a third person perspective on this. What do you guys think, is he not interested? Was he once interested and now he's not? Is he just busy and I'm being too over analytical? Maybe he has someone on the side? Input is appreciated, thanks!
Lindarose84 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 All signs point to him being interested- he initiates conversations with you through texts, sends you pictures, and tells you he wants to be with you. I wouldn't worry too much about it at this stage. He mentioned that he was intimidated by you- I'm guessing he may be a shy person which explains why group "dates" appeal to him more so than the one on one. The guy doesn't always have to do the leg work- in fact, knowing that he's shy, why don't you take the reins and set a date for a dinner/movie night and see how that goes?
Author Strawberry Fields Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 I asked him when he was going to take me out maybe 3/4 days ago and he said "soon" - very vague. I don't know, I'm use to guys being assertive and always approaching me. He does initiate conversation but sometimes he'll just end it randomly. I don't know, I get such mixed messages from him. His vibe in person is so different from how he is when we're apart though. I doubt he's still "intimidated" - I don't think he would have kissed me/made out with me if he was still very shy around me.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 You skipped the steps in dating ( such as going out first) and ended up in makeup sessions at his friends' places. He doesn't think you're a challenge now, so he wouldn't ask you out and take you to places. He's probably thinking " eh, I guess I want to make out with her, so maybe I'll call her whenever I'm in the mood". Don't make yourself out to be so easy. Step back, and see other people. If he comes around, great, if he doesn't, you've dodged a bullet.
JeezLouise Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Maybe you should just take the initiative, and instead of asking him, "When are you going to take me out?" say, "Would you like to go to the movies with me on Friday night, my treat?"
LexiB Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I think you already know the answer to this one. If he really liked you, you'd *know*. There's no such thing as "mixed messages" when real chemistry is there - I mean chemistry that goes beyond just hooking up. First of all, he'd want to spend time ALONE with you and on a proper date not just "hanging out" with all of his friends and some random person's house. Sounds like you're a makeout buddy to me, which isn't necc a bad thing as long as you can stand it... If you really want to be sure, ask him out and see what happens. If he pulls this "soon" crap again, or suggests bringing his friends along you have your answer.
Author Strawberry Fields Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Well, its been about a month since I last posted here so here's a brief update: - We hung out a few times since I last updated. One time we went out with his friends, another we hung out at his place. I also stayed over his place two nights in a row - no sex though, just sleeping I swear . - After we spent two nights in a row together he got very sick - bronchitis and a nasty flu with fever. He was sick for a week with that so I didn't get to see him at all and I also had to pull a lot of over time at work. - A week after he got over his sickness, he got a new dirt bike. He LOVES to ride so the entire last week he's been occupied with that... and it's carrying over into this week. - I last saw him on the 3rd and it is now the 19th - 16 days - 2 weeks and 2 days since I've last seen him. - We rarely talk anymore. He'll text me once and a while but he mainly texts me when he's at work. He still says he wants to be with me and he really wishes he could see me but can't since he's busy. - Sometimes when I text him he doesn't respond for a while, or when he does it's very late at night and I end up falling asleep before I can respond to his response. - We also go about 2/3 days without talking at all sometimes. We'll go from talking all day one day to not talking for a day or two in between. I understand we're both busy - it's summer, we have a lot of working and fun stuff to do - but I really do miss him. He says he misses me too and wants to see me but I don't know, wouldn't he make more of an effort to see me? Hell, even talk to me? Maybe I'm over analyzing things... we want to take things slow and maybe this IS slow and I'm not realizing that. I'm just not use to not talking to someone I really like for a few days on end, let alone not seeing them for weeks. I don't know, any advice? Am I over analyzing things? Are things going fine and I'm just freaking out over nothing? Thanks...
MissHollywood Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Well, its been about a month since I last posted here so here's a brief update: - We hung out a few times since I last updated. One time we went out with his friends, another we hung out at his place. I also stayed over his place two nights in a row - no sex though, just sleeping I swear . - After we spent two nights in a row together he got very sick - bronchitis and a nasty flu with fever. He was sick for a week with that so I didn't get to see him at all and I also had to pull a lot of over time at work. - A week after he got over his sickness, he got a new dirt bike. He LOVES to ride so the entire last week he's been occupied with that... and it's carrying over into this week. - I last saw him on the 3rd and it is now the 19th - 16 days - 2 weeks and 2 days since I've last seen him. - We rarely talk anymore. He'll text me once and a while but he mainly texts me when he's at work. He still says he wants to be with me and he really wishes he could see me but can't since he's busy. - Sometimes when I text him he doesn't respond for a while, or when he does it's very late at night and I end up falling asleep before I can respond to his response. - We also go about 2/3 days without talking at all sometimes. We'll go from talking all day one day to not talking for a day or two in between. I understand we're both busy - it's summer, we have a lot of working and fun stuff to do - but I really do miss him. He says he misses me too and wants to see me but I don't know, wouldn't he make more of an effort to see me? Hell, even talk to me? Maybe I'm over analyzing things... we want to take things slow and maybe this IS slow and I'm not realizing that. I'm just not use to not talking to someone I really like for a few days on end, let alone not seeing them for weeks. I don't know, any advice? Am I over analyzing things? Are things going fine and I'm just freaking out over nothing? Thanks... It's better to believe his actions than his words. I've met guys who are like that. It's just that they aren't THAT interested. I'm afraid you should move on.
AlektraClementine Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 The best rule to follow here is this: If a guy wants to be around you, he will do anything he can to get time with you. He will MAKE time to be with you. Blow this one off.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Yeah hes not that into you, but hes throwing bait at you to keep you on the side while he is seeing the woman that he REALLY wants to be with.
Author Strawberry Fields Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 The best rule to follow here is this: If a guy wants to be around you, he will do anything he can to get time with you. He will MAKE time to be with you. Blow this one off. I don't understand how like less than a month ago he was all about me. I still have some of his texts saved. Some of them are so cute, like "I'm having a good night, wish you were part of it" - "Miss you" - "I like us", etc. But one text in particular I'm trying to dissect: "I want you to be my exclusive girlfriend. I want to do it right though, so make me wait, ok? I've been standoffish because you are finally someone I can see myself with, if that makes any sense." I don't know. Maybe he's pushing me away for some reason. When I asked him a few days ago what his deal was he replied, "I'm sorry, I've been busy, you're making me feel awful. I like you a lot and I want to see you I promise."
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I don't understand how like less than a month ago he was all about me. I still have some of his texts saved. Some of them are so cute, like "I'm having a good night, wish you were part of it" - "Miss you" - "I like us", etc. But one text in particular I'm trying to dissect: "I want you to be my exclusive girlfriend. I want to do it right though, so make me wait, ok? I've been standoffish because you are finally someone I can see myself with, if that makes any sense." I don't know. Maybe he's pushing me away for some reason. When I asked him a few days ago what his deal was he replied, "I'm sorry, I've been busy, you're making me feel awful. I like you a lot and I want to see you I promise." Hahaha, he really knows how to play it. He's using all the lines that women did to him as actions, to use reverse psychology on you. Its all crap, he is seeing someonoe else. Thats why he backed off after a month. Someone he thinks is better than you has caught his eye and time. Let him go.
mehim Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Dont waste yout time, not another minute with this guy. He is not that interested, trust me. He is the kind of guy that likes to keep girls around him, but not be with them. I emphesise on not wasting your time with him.
Joey Popps Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 He's into you but not that into you. Do whatever you want but don't count on this being anything more than hooking up once in a while.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Write down everything he has said or texted to you on one piece of paper. Now write down all of his actions, including timeline, on another. Throw away the first piece of paper. What are you left with? Someone who is not that interested. Cut him loose, so you will be emotionally available for the guy who DOES make an effort to spend time with you.
Athena Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Somewhere on these boards I read something along the lines of, "Don't make someone your sole focus when you are only another option to them"....
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