wow123 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 If someone loves you and you have been with them for months when the smothering starts why do they just dump you? Why don't they say listen this is too much for me you need to stop. Is it sometimes just an excuse because they want out of the relationship and are no longer interested in seeing or hearing from like they once did? At the beginning she would get upset if we didn't see each other for more than 1 or 2 nights in a row and then after months it became smothering??? She also was the one that started the daily morning texts and calls as soon as she got out of work... Some insight please...
trustydusty Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 It's so funny because my ex was also the one that started the morning texts, and the calls before bed every night. And expected me to see her everyday, then she gives me almost the same excuse as yours gave you... Very hippocritical...i understand what you're going through man, and it sucks
carhill Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 They just want variety. You got boring (not in reality but in their mind). They were in love with being in love, not you. You were just the vessel. Pick one (or more).... Or, chalk it up to the reality of never being able to read a woman's mind or heart. Do what *you* do, naturally, and the compatible woman for you will be attracted to that, forever. Well, that's my fantasy Boring?
Author wow123 Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Thanks for the insight. It seems like these girls get bored when the excitemetn of the new relationship wears off. Like they will never be happy with one person? I think pretty girls get too much attention and just cant settle down with one person no matter what they look like or how good they are because of all of the other temptation and attention...
justletgo07 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I think they don't tell you because they aren't necessarily aware that the smothering is the problem. They just know that they aren't feeling the same way about you anymore. Some people theorize that as a man who becomes overly attentive/smothering/etc. that you are actually taking on more feminine characteristics, which throws off the balance of and attraction in the relationship. It's all about balance. You've got to keep her happy while remaining a challenge and mantaining your own life, friends, hobbies, etc.
Author wow123 Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Well she wasn't happy when I was hanging around with my buddies and didn't see her for more than 1 or 2 nights in a row. Then I change my behavior and she said I smothered her and now its DONE. I feel like I couldn't win.
carhill Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Oh, forgot, get used to women being mad at you. Grow a thicker skin and you'll do fine. Life is long. Thick skin is better
SRTtoZ Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 "It's all about balance. You've got to keep her happy while remaining a challenge and mantaining your own life, friends, hobbies, etc" That line is sooo true. Thats probably one of the biggest reasons for breakup. A lot of guys drop everything they did that was attractive in the first place. LOVE this line.
Jagdpanther Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 wow123 know how you feel, my recent ex accused me of this too. I was accused of being love sick teenager when she was 'going for it' in the early days. Is like they suddenly back off and accuse you of being the scary smothering one. Think it is because they are sometimes afraid of their own feelings, emotions, and 'dont want to get hurt' angle again. I know my ex had a huge amount of baggage in this way. She even admitted I was not 'enough of a challenge' when she tried to get back with me recently. Is about balance, it is a tricky line to tow though. Being thicker skinned and just being yourself is also good advice. Dont over do the emails, texts, phone calls, visits, give them the gift of missing you. I think if you are with the right person though, a lot of this can just ebb away, you feel secure with each other, and reach the safety zone. You dont have to think about these things too much, it just flows and meshes as a healthy relationship. Effective communication is the key I guess, and not allowing any mind games **it. good thread
moo Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 when I met my ex, he called me every day for hours, but at the end of our relationship, it was twice a week for about 20 minutes and I never saw him. I know now, when I start off in a relationship, even if it's really sweet, to set a pace that we don't go too fact or won't end up disappointing me in the end. I think a call once a week is nice to start with.
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