VeronicaVry Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I posted a thread here a week ago, about me and my ex breaking up due to outer circumstances- we still love each other, but as we are currently both unemployed and living in different cities we have found it very stressful to be together. We would want to be together if we were to end up in the same city.....Well, we broke it off two weeks ago now, and he has been emailing me everyday. I have felt that I should try to go NC, because I'm not 'getting anywhere' with him.....I have expressed to him that I am willing to move to the city he is in, but he is saying that he does not want to be in a relationship right now, when I say "its because you dont want to be with me" he denies it.....He has been without a job for half a year, and I do feel that has changed him a lot into more insecure and depressed, he was a very strong and positive guy when we met. I am hurt, I love him, but if I really look into myself, I know that I have to get over him for now....Its not the time and place....But it is hard when he is constantly contacting me. He called me on Friday, and I kind of expressed to him that I want us at least to have LC...All in all I am confused, we never really did anything to hurt eachother and we have a very strong bond. He has been the one initiating the contact, and I have been quite rejecting...Like he emailed me four times on Tuesday without me applying then on Thursday night I got a short upset mail asking why I wasnt applying...I dont think him contacting me is enoying, its just that I still love him, I think we are making a mistake breaking up, but I know that we cant have a strong commited relationship before we know whats going to happen next in our lives. We were at that 'shall we move in' or take it to the next level stage.... help me please....What should I do.....
nature Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 It takes two to make a relationship...and it takes two who want to be in a relationship, to make it work. He is telling you he does not want to be in a relationship. That is your answer. You still do want to. He says he doesn't. He is still contacting you as a security blanket. To keep you under his thumb, because he knows you are devestated and still want to be with him. So it's a nice ego boost for him. That is why he is still contacting you. It's pretty ignorant and disrespectful, to be honest. It's not outright mean. He is masking his selfishness behind the "nice guy act". If he has told you outright that he doesn't want a relationship, then you two have nothing more to talk about. He is trying to keep you as his buddy. Don't be downgraded to buddy status. He is stroking his ego by contacting you and keeping in touch, so that he doesn't feel alone right now. But the bottom line is, he told you he doesn't want a relationship. Cut him off cold turkey. No contact. Dont' tell him you are doing it. Just do it. How hurtful of him to tell you he doesn't want a real relationship, but he's fine with a buddy-ship where he can call you and have you to talk to without any responsibility. F*ck that. It's not nice. No matter how much he seems like he's being nice. This is not nice. Make him realize that if he doesn't want the responsibility of a real commitment and relationship with you, then you are gone. You are not just his side line pen pal and phone buddy. How degrading of him.
creativegal Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Well said nature. VeronicaVry, although it seems like he is being nice by staying in contact, the truth remains that actions speak louder than words.
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