wanjirum Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 My ex and I were in a long distance relationship. However during Jan we kept arguing and he called things off. After which we kept talking over the phone and I was hoping there would have been a chance once we saw each other over Easter. Luckily he ended up traveling to my country for business, in desperation and from all the stories I was hearing (from cousins and friends about other women he was messing about with). I decided to surprise him and meet him at the airport (it was a weird meeting but we finally warmed up and had a coffee. After which I he then traveled 40 minutes from my town to another town for business. Following my cousin's advice I decided to jump on a train and go meet him and talk things out, perhaps discuss what happened. But he was jet lagged and did not take the surprise too well . After which I proceeded to leave. I left him a letter and his birthday card and gift. Now I am worried my actions only pushed hi further away and reaffirmed the fact he should have been with the other girl he had been messing around with. We haven't spoken for close to 6 weeks and this is very strange because we were in an intense relationship for 2 years and we had met each others parents. To make the situation worse we talked like every single day. Now I am not sure if this new girl is a rebound, everyone tells me she is the exact opposite of me (more submissive and less independent) and he also seems to be having a fling on the side with another different girl whilst with the current girl. So does that mean he doesn't really care about the current girl he is with? What makes things worse is he met her in the club or rather has suspected her of cheating twice and has forgiven her. I am worried as time passes he will forget me and get more serious with this girl or someone else and as we are getting older, perhaps get married before I move home. Is this relationship a rebound? Does he still miss me? Should I make contact? Is there a chance for us? Currently I am trying to work on myself but I am still so torn, I still love him and miss him dearly Does he even think about me? To make matters worse this new girl seems very calculative and she seems like she knows the game she is playing.
5105571 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 To me it doesn't look good. Rebound or not, this new relationship is evidence he is either trying to get over you or already has, and he is probably the only one who knows for sure. Contacting can cause trouble in this case, especially if you prod into who he's been seeing and start trying to convince him of his mistake, you may drive him closer to her or at least further from you. If this is a rebound relationship, it will likely fail as they usually do. If or when you contact him, it would probably be best to do this if they break up. Let him gain a little perspective on life without you and with someone else for a while. If he realizes it was a mistake, he'll do so on his own and I don't think there is much you can say or do to convince him otherwise, especially if he isn't receptive to you. This is just my advice, not the absolute truth so take from it what you want. I would adhere to the following advice though--whatever you decide to do, think about it some more when you calm down a little before acting on it. By that I mean take at least several days before you act on it; the longer the better. Don't make any important decisions when you are upset.
Author wanjirum Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Thank you for your advice. Well I think the biggest mistake I made was after he broke up with me everyone told me NC, but I kept blowing him up on the cell and leaving him 1000 of messages. I don't think he had a valid reason to break up apart from our arguments and this gave him another reason, saying I was too clingy and over smothering. Now I have been NC for 60 days and I still see no hope. I should be returning home in a month. What makes it worse we will definitely bump into each other, we hang out in the same clubs and around the same crowds. But worst of all I just miss his friendship terribly. But I guess the ball is in his court. Do you think this thing with this girl is serious?
5105571 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 no way for me to tell about this being serious. There's no way for you to tell either (don't bother trying to ask him, because it will only make things worse for you). I would say continue with what you're doing right now, and if and when you run into him again, you'll just have to see how things go--he may ignore you, which is a good indication of how he feels, or he even may start talking to you, just wait and see what he does. If you were too clingy there, the best thing you can do is give him plenty of time and space.
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