Author babydreamer Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Yes people. I know what i'm doing is very wrong. It's hard to sleep at night. It's not that easy to get out of a relationship! After hearing all the stuff you guys suggested, I'm will file for a divorce. I don't think I can tell him about the affair since it will destroy him. I don't think I will be the OW since it would be too painful on both ends. The most important thing right now is my child. She will have a broken family, but it's better than not be able to sleep at night. Thank you again for your kind words.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Yes people. I know what i'm doing is very wrong. It's hard to sleep at night. It's not that easy to get out of a relationship! After hearing all the stuff you guys suggested, I'm will file for a divorce. I don't think I can tell him about the affair since it will destroy him. I don't think I will be the OW since it would be too painful on both ends. The most important thing right now is my child. She will have a broken family, but it's better than not be able to sleep at night. Thank you again for your kind words. Wow cant own up to what you did, your some kind of women you know. Divorcing your husband but not giving him a valid reason, you really think it's gonna be that easy. That guilt is gonna kill you more, it's gonna eat you alive. from the inside out. Why didnt you think of your child's future and your family before you cheated? Was your own pleasure more important than your own child's well being?
In Like Flynn Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Wow!!! You cheat, state it won't work with OM and don't want to be OW. Then your solution it to divorce but not give the real reason to your husband. The most important thing right now is my child. She will have a broken family, but it's better than not be able to sleep at night. This is the most selfish statement I have heard in a long time!!! Well it hurts your kid but thats not important only your ability to sleep at night is!!!
Dexter Morgan Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Yes people. I know what i'm doing is very wrong. It's hard to sleep at night. It's not that easy to get out of a relationship! After hearing all the stuff you guys suggested, I'm will file for a divorce. good to hear it...he can be free to find someone that loves him. I don't think I can tell him about the affair since it will destroy him. well...as long as you set him free from you, thats the important thing. But if he doesn't know the real reason why, he just might sit and pine for you and mourn the loss of a wife much longer since he doesn't know what you truly are and what you have done. If you tell him, then, I'd guess, he can quicker heal over the loss of his marriage. I know I would. And don't give us this excuse of "destroying him" by telling him. Thats going to happen with divorce anyway....only reason to not tell him is out of cowardice. You had the tits to cheat on him...have the tits to fess up. I don't think I will be the OW since it would be too painful on both ends. The most important thing right now is my child. She will have a broken family, but it's better than not be able to sleep at night. When one spouse is a cheater, its a broken family anyway.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Wow cant own up to what you did, your some kind of women you know. Divorcing your husband but not giving him a valid reason, you really think it's gonna be that easy. That guilt is gonna kill you more, it's gonna eat you alive. from the inside out. Nah, I think not telling will kill him since he will always wonder "why". It won't kill her. She wants to come out of this without him knowing she is a cheater. She wants to save that face. She won't tell him because she is scared to tell him. And if she doesn't, he will have a MUCH harder time during and after this divorce.
lostsunsets Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 You are such a deciever. Of yourself as much as your husband. You know while you were pregnant, you were developing your desire and your feelings for the other man. You fantasized about being with him and looked at your husband with contempt. After you had your baby, it was easy to go forward with what you had prepared yourself for. The poor man you are married to. I don't think you could really call him your husband. Because a husband is someone you love and are true to. You asked "can you be in love with a MM because he is good in bed?" The jury is still out whether you can love at all. Regarding divorcing your husband without telling him that you did some guy at work would be par for your course. The problem lies with the fact that if your husband loves you, which he does, obviously. He will not go quietly. He will want to find out why you want a D. Then he will do everything that he can to meet any unmet emotional needs you have. Little does he know that one of those needs is to cheat. So as his world falls apart and he looks at himself to try to understand how the woman he loves can just stop loving him. He will go through hell. Oh well, sucks being him (or at least thats what you will treat him like). I think that you won't tell him, not because it will kill him. You won't tell him because you don't want him to think you are a horrible person. You see, even in splitting from him you plan on being selfish. You should tell him what you have done so he can at least develope some anger to help him through what you are going to do to him. But you will deny him this too. At every point, this was your fault. You could have talked to him. You didn't, you could have gone to counseling, you didn't. You could have investigated that it may have been PPD, You didn't. No you chose to cheat at every step. Try to think of someone else for a change and tell him what you did. Then you can go live how you want. And he can be thankful he wasn't tethered to you for life. Unless of course you grow up get counseling and find out why you did what you did. And maybe, just maybe try to rebuild what you have destroyed........your husbands heart.
Reggie Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 This is a crazy question and demonstrates superficiality and incredible immaturity. Your H will be better off free of you.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Yes people. I know what i'm doing is very wrong. It's hard to sleep at night. It's not that easy to get out of a relationship! After hearing all the stuff you guys suggested, I'm will file for a divorce. I don't think I can tell him about the affair since it will destroy him. I don't think I will be the OW since it would be too painful on both ends. The most important thing right now is my child. She will have a broken family, but it's better than not be able to sleep at night. Thank you again for your kind words. You're taking the right steps. Both you and your H deserve better than this and I hope it works out for both of you. Keep us posted... Mr. Lucky BTW - I think it's interesting that it's not enough that the OP takes positive steps but that many require that those steps be on their terms. She's agreed that what she's done is unfair to all involved and she's trying to fix it. I'm not sure how bashing her adds to that progress.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 You're taking the right steps. Both you and your H deserve better than this well...the H does anyway:o
contax Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Babydreamer, you want to know how to cheat on your husband with a married man and not get attatched. I don't know the answer to that. I do know people like you have no integirty and make me sick. Ha Ha to your life if you continue on this path. lol. It bothers me people like you have kids. Gives me a few shakes about society. Sorry if the words are harsh. You need to be happy with yourself. You should divorce your husband and tell him what's going on. Then be alone and learn how to happy like that. I'm so grateful I didn't have a kid with my girl who emotionally cheated and jumped into a new relationship 3 days after our 5 year one. Now she calls me like crazy and is miserable in what shes in..But I haven't talked to her in over a month and won't be. I wish her happiness though. I'm clean, free, happy..sleep tight at night and my conscience is clean! Good luck!
reservoirdog1 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 It's not that easy to get out of a relationship! I don't think I can tell him about the affair since it will destroy him. Translation: you're too lazy to end the relationship, and too cowardly to tell him about the affair. The most important thing right now is my child. Glad you suddenly realized that. Guess a broken home is worth a few rolls in the hay, huh?
NoIDidn't Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 babydreamer, don't make your H feel like you are wanting to divorce him because he is fat. That's worse than jut admitting to an affair. I've not read this ebook, but please look up Women's Infidelity.com. It may just save your sanity, if not your marriage. Having an A is not the worst thing you could ever do. Don't jump the gun without trying to find out who you are. K?
taylor Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Babydreamer, you want to know how to cheat on your husband with a married man and not get attatched. I don't know the answer to that. I do know people like you have no integirty and make me sick. Ha Ha to your life if you continue on this path. lol. It bothers me people like you have kids. Gives me a few shakes about society. Sorry if the words are harsh. You need to be happy with yourself. You should divorce your husband and tell him what's going on. Then be alone and learn how to happy like that. I'm so grateful I didn't have a kid with my girl who emotionally cheated and jumped into a new relationship 3 days after our 5 year one. Now she calls me like crazy and is miserable in what shes in..But I haven't talked to her in over a month and won't be. I wish her happiness though. I'm clean, free, happy..sleep tight at night and my conscience is clean! Good luck! Hey Contax, You should post this same post on Snafu's thread...a serial cheater who had a 12-year-long affair with one of his many affair partners...and STILL hasn't told his wife a thing. And he has kids, too. He's wondering if he should divorce...
Gamine Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 The one resounding fact that seems to reappear in every article or book written on infidelity is that there is something 'broken' or going awry inside of the cheater and that often it has nothing to do with their spouse. Just the way they 'feel about' or how they 'see their spouse'. Have you ever heard the saying that 'familiarity breeds contempt'? Cheating is not, usually, caused by a lousy spouse in many of these books. If the spouse is lousy, and if one were healthy, they would either (a) work on the marriage, or (b) exit in a healthy and respectful way. Cheating because you met someone who lights your fire is immature and disrespectful to the life of the spouse who is giving you their life and fidelity because they are under the assumption that you have done the very same... in exchange for theirs. This is what the wedding ring symbolizes. However to take that which you wish from another under false pretenses is stealing their life away from them. They continue to give you their life and receive nothing in exchange. If you divorce your husband and never tell him I promise you... you will probably be found out anyway. If you give him no reason he will probably snoop and uncover it anyway. Cream always rises to the top. So, dishonesty breeds more dishonesty. When will honesty appear? For in facing our lives and the truth/ramifications of what we do/don't do we can perhaps learn how to live in the light and not in darkness cloaked with dishonesty. Sure it is easy to run and frankly that is what you seek to do. However, someone (namely your husband) will once again be stuck with cleaning up your mess. You decided not to honor him as your spouse and now he has to pay your price. Totally unfair. If you have a heart you will be truthful with this man... the man who has made sacrifices to honor his vow to you... the very same vow you do not seem to care one bit about. If you are chasing the elusive 'feeling of being in love', many authors predict that you'll wind up in the very same situation you are in again... once that relationship has become routine. Women feeling sexless is common and it happens in marriages all of the time. Wise up and educate yourself about what you are really doing and what is going on inside of yourself before you make and continue to make... a mess out of your life. We have one life. Make it a masterpiece.
In Like Flynn Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 You are going to be attached to your husband thru your kid for the rest of your life....sickness of child, graduation, college, marriage/wedding and Grandchildren etc. Treat him with enough respect to be honest with him!!! He will suffer more and longer wondering why and what he did to deserve this!!! You can't spin a tail that will be believable!
reservoirdog1 Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 You are going to be attached to your husband thru your kid for the rest of your life....sickness of child, graduation, college, marriage/wedding and Grandchildren etc. Treat him with enough respect to be honest with him!!! He will suffer more and longer wondering why and what he did to deserve this!!! You can't spin a tail that will be believable! Agreed. He deserves the truth. For many reasons, but not least of which is that he needs to know more than just "I'm not happy being with you, etc." Know what he'll do if he thinks that's the reason? Try to change in order to win you back. Because, damn it, the poor bastard loves you. So he'll play the poor, lovelorn sap, thinking he wasn't good enough, bend over backwards to try to get you back... all the while being totally unaware of his wife's serial betrayal and total disrespect for him. Little will he know it, but by not coming clean, you will be disrespecting him over and over and over again, and totally denying him his dignity. You won't like to hear this, but he DESERVES to know because he DESERVES to be able to "hate you" and put the marriage behind him, armed with all the information. No, it won't destroy him. The likelihood that he'll kill himself, or become a mental or emotional cripple, is minimal. If you come clean and leave him, he will get past it in time. Won't exactly be much of a picnic for you while he's heartbroken, angry, and working through things on his own, but then, do you really believe you deserve an easy ride in this situation anyway? Grow some guts. Demonstrate the respect and compassion for him that you've lacked for so long. Come clean and let him make decisions about how he's going to conduct his life armed with all the information. Don't deceive him into making a complete grovelling pussy of himself through misguided efforts to "change himself" in order to win you back.
lostsunsets Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 The sad thing is. The worse thing that could happen to this guy isn't her divorcing him. Her words drip contempt for her husband. A marriage can survive much. The death of a parent, or a sibling, a friend, or even a child. A marriage cannot survive contempt.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 The most important thing right now is my child. She will have a broken family, but it's better than not be able to sleep at night. Thank you again for your kind words. That totally sounds like sarcasm. Your home is already broken... and that is what hurts your child. Do you really think that its a choice between placating your conscience and hurting your child? Thats just sick. I hope you mean what you say and do the right thing. Some day your child can look back and say Mom did the right thing... rather than shake his or her head in disgust whenever thinking about you.
contax Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Hey Contax, You should post this same post on Snafu's thread...a serial cheater who had a 12-year-long affair with one of his many affair partners...and STILL hasn't told his wife a thing. And he has kids, too. He's wondering if he should divorce... Thanks! Maybee I will!
sb129 Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 My Hs mother had an affair when he was little, that ultimately ended in divorce, and my H living a long way away from his dad. While he has a reasonably good relationship with her now, he still discredits any relationship advice she ever gives him, and the repercussions of her actions affected a great many people for a long time.
Sal Paradise Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 babydreamer - This forum wasn't put here to help people cheat more effectively. If thats what you want perhaps you should look elsewhere. This forum could however help you to end the affair, be honest with husband and if he's willing fix your marriage. Of course that wouldn't allow you to have your cake and eat it to. I bet you wouldn't find these responses so judgmental if the person being cheated on was you or one of your children. It's always easy to justify childish, irresponsible behavior when you're the one doing it.
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