Dr MC Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 My girlfriend and I are both 17 so I was a little surprised when she told me a couple of days ago that I was the 7th guy that she'd gone to first base or farther with. I think I took it pretty well at first but then when I talked to her about it the next day I expressed my frustration about how she waited until we'd been going out for 7 months to finally tell me this. I told her that I just didn't believe in hook ups and I wanted us to be able to be honest with each other and talk about anything so the whole situation really hurt me. She got really defensive and defended all of her past hook ups and it hurt me to see her like that. We finally talked it over and everything seemed better and we laughed some and were talking pretty freely. But then I asked her what she was doing the next day and she said she was visiting her dad (so basically busy the whole day because he lives kind of far away). I understood, but the next night I asked her how her day was going since I knew she didn't like spending time with her dad and I thought she might want to talk. She didn't respond. Then I go to hang out with some of my friends and she's there, with her group of friends and mine. I felt pretty surprised to see her there and a little hurt that she said she was busy when she apparently wasn't. I finally got a chance to talk to her and asked her if we were still good and she got kind of defensive again and said everything was fine. I texted her later that night and asked her if I was just smothering her and she said "I don't know how to say this nicely but maybe a little more space would be nice...I love you. And really don't mean that meanly." What is going on and what should I do??? Is she breaking up with me? Everything was FINE before we had this disagreement about her past hookups. I know that I shouldn't be focusing on the past and I sincerely told her I was sorry the other day and she said she forgave me but she just has a lot of trouble telling me when something is bothering her. Now today she is acting like nothing happened and acting completely normal. I am so confused. I feel like I really messed things up but what kind of relationship is this where one little fight where I express an opinion turns into this? Someone please help me I haven't slept well in days.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 If you think you are smothering her you probably are. have some restraint! Back off a lil bit, let her come to you for a lil while. You'll be amazed at the results!
BeautifulMan Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 From an outside perspective, I would say run!! But I know that running is easier said than done. Give her the space, make her miss you.
Author Dr MC Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 thanks, I'm working on giving her some space but she's been texting me lately. Should I respond to these or just ignore them for a bit?
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 thanks, I'm working on giving her some space but she's been texting me lately. Should I respond to these or just ignore them for a bit? Dont ignore them all, answer like every other one, or only the ones that really require an answer. And be short but sweet. No long explanations, and no questions. She will think she is losing you. This is only until you restore the balance.
Author Dr MC Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Thanks I'll try that. Which do you think is more likely (please be honest), that she's started to lose interest in me, that she's stopped loving me all together, or that she was just having a couple bad days and needed some time to herself? Or maybe something else? I'm really concerned but I was pleasantly surprised when she seemed to be in a much more friendly mood today.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 You're 17, and you're acting like you're married. Back off of her. You need to understand that at this point in your life, you shouldn't be too worried about whether she loves you or not. You should just let things take it's course. Don't be too concerned and just enjoy her company. Why do you need to constantly question her actions and motives? She's her own person, and you are your own. There are other things to worry about at your age such as graduating high school and going to college. If things don't work out, you still have a lifetime to find your soulmate. You're only jeopardizing your current relationship by overthinking things. Accept her for her past and move on.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Thanks I'll try that. Which do you think is more likely (please be honest), that she's started to lose interest in me, that she's stopped loving me all together, or that she was just having a couple bad days and needed some time to herself? Or maybe something else? I'm really concerned but I was pleasantly surprised when she seemed to be in a much more friendly mood today. You smothered her so she is starting to lose interest. Anything she does is a reaction to what you did. Stop bieng so jealous. Her past doesnt matter. Better you learn that now so you stop asking your future gf's.
Author Dr MC Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Yeah you're probably right. Lately it's seemed like she's been the only thing going right in my life (which is why it's be so hard to back off) so maybe I should sort out some other things instead of worrying about this.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Yeah you're probably right. Lately it's seemed like she's been the only thing going right in my life (which is why it's be so hard to back off) so maybe I should sort out some other things instead of worrying about this. Good boy! remember your girl is only supposed to be part of your life, NOT ALL OF IT!!
Shock Me Sane Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 First base or farther? You don't mean that she's just made out with 7 guys, do you? Because that's not a big deal and you shouldn't feel bad about that at all.
Sibyl Vane Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 First base or farther? You don't mean that she's just made out with 7 guys, do you? Because that's not a big deal and you shouldn't feel bad about that at all. Agreed. 7 people sounds about right anyway.
Author Dr MC Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Agreed. 7 people sounds about right anyway. Yeah you're probably right I guess I was just over thinking it. I really love this girl and we've always been honest with each other so I just thought that it would be something worth mentioning. Especially since I've always had the impression that she's only had 1 previous relationship. But you guys are right, her past doesn't matter; I should probably just appreciate her being with me now. But I'm still a little concerned that she got so defensive about a small issue like this instead of just talking with me straight about it.
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