missmich Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 If you have feelings for someone and want to take it slow how do you keep yourself from getting attached to them?
WTRanger Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I think you answered your own question. That is, take it slowly. Don't let yourself hang out with this person so much. Obviously, if you are attracted to them and they are attracted to you then you will want to spend a lot of time together. While that is great, it only leads to a quicker attachment. So, take it slow.
carhill Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 IME, the best way is if one of you is married Having a full life helps. This special person is part of your life, not your focus in life. They can be special and yet not consume you.
Author missmich Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Don't talk to them. Hahaha! We do want to still date each other so we kinda have to talk to one another or it wouldn't be very fun at all. Yeah,I'm so used to taking it faster and attaching to quickly. I get a false sense of what the relationship really is. That was in the past and I'm trying to change that now. We have started to limit how often we see each other and talk to one another. The feelings are still there though and very strong. One thing I don't allow myself to do anymore is to be silly and ask if he missed me or thought about me etc... cuz he mentioned men don't like that and I thought about it and realized I didn't need to be doing that anymore. I also don't allow myself to think about he and I together in the future,well a little but not to far ahead. I'm also not thinking to myself that I love him. If I allow myself to start thinking that my feelings will become to much for me. What have others here done to help themselves from getting to attached to soon?
babydreamer Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I have the same problem too. One thing I've learned is that I need to find other things that would interest me more and focus on it. This way, I could limit my thoughts on that person. But I'm still working on it though, so... if anyone has a better idea, please share.
MeMyself&I Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 The best way I've found is like some people already said. To maintain your own identity, your own set of friends and do your own things still. I also, when I feel myself panicking, just remind myself that this person does not define who I am and is a small part of my life in a big picture. That my life existed before them and will continue on just fine without them. I know you aren't feeling the relationship is threatened or anything. But saying these things still reminds you you are a unique individual.
Author missmich Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 A huge problem I have is that I really don't have much going on in my life right now. So I have to much time on my hands to sit and worry and wonder about him and to wish he was taking me out. I know that I can't rely on anyone (friends or someone I date) to provide a life for me so I don't try and pressure anyone for that and I also don't let him know how boring my life is. lol I'm not working and have to focus on getting a new job and back to work! That's my number one goal right now! I was think that also since the weather has gotten nicer that maybe I should start jogging or at least going for a nice long walk a few times a week!
Kamille Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I'm not working and have to focus on getting a new job and back to work! That's my number one goal right now! I was think that also since the weather has gotten nicer that maybe I should start jogging or at least going for a nice long walk a few times a week! All great ideas. Making sure you keep your focus on things that are good for you will help you keep your balance in the relationship. Also, remind yourself that you want the reason why you for him to be "because I was bored". This is a perfect opportunity to get active and make sure you keep yourself entertained.
tkgirl Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 A huge problem I have is that I really don't have much going on in my life right now. So I have to much time on my hands to sit and worry and wonder about him and to wish he was taking me out. I know that I can't rely on anyone (friends or someone I date) to provide a life for me so I don't try and pressure anyone for that and I also don't let him know how boring my life is. lol I'm not working and have to focus on getting a new job and back to work! That's my number one goal right now! I was think that also since the weather has gotten nicer that maybe I should start jogging or at least going for a nice long walk a few times a week! yep.. you definitely need to start finding other things to fill up your time besides thinking about him too much.. because guys can sense when you get too "clingy" even if you don't think you are acting that way at all. And it usually ends up being a turn-off and they may bail.. then where will you be? And remember, guys really like it when you have a life and interests of your own... IMHO! so if you don't have any, you got to get some... STAT!
Kamille Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 What I meant to say is: Also, remind yourself that you don't want the reason you fell for him to be: "because I was bored".
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Don't allow yourself to spend as much time with him as you wish you could. And I agree with others - keep your identity, keep busy, don't let him become a priority too soon.
Recommended Posts