Steadfast Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Maybe 'Second Chances' isn't the place for this post, but seeing as how the ex wife and I were talking about reconciliation, maybe it is...was...oh hell, I don't know. Yes, I love her. I had a rebound romance, she knows it's over. Anyway, here's the highlights for your perusal. Me, and her. Her: "What happened with *******?" Me: "I already told you. It's over." Her: "Was it because of me?" Me: "No. It was because of me". Her: "Good". Her: "I wanted to come back, give it my all. I was ready to do whatever it took for us to make it". Me: "Why didn't you?" Her: "Stuff happened". Me: "Like what, *another* guy?" Her: "I told you, we just talk. Nothing more". Me: "Really?" Her "Well, we've kissed". Me: "Great". Her: "That isn't it...I mean, he isn't the reason! I do love you. Don't you think I want to give myself to you fully? To hold you with all my might? It isn't you...you're good. It's me. I'm scared...scared about how I'll feel about myself...even...no, especially during happy times. Can you understand that?" Me: "No." Her: "I'm confused" Me: "That's just another way of saying you're not thrilled with your options. You've demonstrated in the past that when you want something, you have no problem acting decisively." Her: "You're right". Me: "Then decide. But know this; first, we're going to seek counseling and then, if things are clear, we'll try. Understand? And if that happens you quit your job, break all contact, all of it. Come home, get things done. I won't clobber you over the head with guilt and demands. Actions speak louder than words. I need to see action." Her: "I don't worry about what you'll do. I worry about me". Me: "You're torn?" Her: "Yeah, I guess" Me: "Then let me make it easy for you" (I rise to leave). Her: "No! Wait! Don't go like this! Not mad. I told you, it's not about him, it's me". Me: "You are selfish and self centered. You don't want to lose your freedom or your safety net". Her: "I do feel safe with you. Safe and secure. I like it". Me: "Sounds boring". Her: "It isn't. It's good. I know you love me. I know you want what is best for us, for the kids. Please give me some time to pull it together. Can I have more time?" Me: "I don't know". Her: "You know I love you, right?" Me: "This is a good place to stop. I feel an argument coming". Her: "OK, no more talking...for now". 1
hopesndreams Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Might be time to do a bit more NC. She's hedging, it's not fair to you. She needs to give 100% and you won't be getting that at this moment in time. it's not about him, it's me". uh huh, this is one of those classic lines
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