vince1128 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 This new girl I like is a texting fiend. Were in the talking stage but we both like eachother and see a relationship in the future. She lives about 20 mins away so I see her twice or 3 times a week. We always have a great time and are very attracted to eachother. She likes to text alot and I'm not that type of guy. I'm always on my phone texting ppl but with special girls I like to space it out and keep that missing eachother space. I think this is good because then when we talk either on the phone or in person it's more interesting because we don't know everything the other person has been doing and keeps the attraction strong. I almost feel like I need an excuse when I text her back an hour late or so bc she knows I'm always on my phone. How can I convey this to her. I always set the pace as it is I'm just looking for a way to let her know because once the challenge of getting her is gone I usually lose all attraction and move to the next
LovieDove24 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Don't respond. Tell her you dropped the unlimited texting feature on your phone and say you can't do it as much. Problem solved.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 You would have to tell her straight up that she is smothering you with texts and she needs to slow down. Be careful though, she is very needy and truthfully, and i learned this the hard way, if overtexting is the highest maintenance as shes gonna require, its not that big a deal. You take away her fun, and you might dissapoint her, and kill her attraction for you, if you care. Of you could just not answer sometimes, it will intrigue her more, keep her comin. Maybe eventually she'll slow down with the texts if you ignore half of them, but I dont know if that will dissapoint her either. If youre getting tired of her in general, then just jump ship. But be careful, you might regret it later if you dump her, and then realize that her texting isnt that big a deal. Heres another angle....I used to do this to a serial texter. This is fun Give her challenges that will make her take longer to text. Tell her to make up a short story, a good one. Tell her to find a good short joke. Tell her to send you specific pictures. I made my ex send me pics of her in pigtails. Give her assignments that will have her searching instead of texting you vapid babble. She'll love you for giving her something interesting to do.
LovieDove24 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 You would have to tell her straight up that she is smothering you with texts and she needs to slow down. Be careful though, she is very needy and truthfully, and i learned this the hard way, Umm no. Guys are the ones who need brutal honesty. Women need kindness and fluff. You learned the hard way not to tell a woman she was smothering you? Haha. I bet that woman walked out the door so fast your head was spinning. Vince, even if it is the honest truth, and she is beginning to smother you...please take a kinder, more indirect approach as I suggested in my advice. The only caveat to what I said is you are going to have to actually do it...which includes not texting your friends much anymore either.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Umm no. Guys are the ones who need brutal honesty. Women need kindness and fluff. You learned the hard way not to tell a woman she was smothering you? Haha. I bet that woman walked out the door so fast your head was spinning. Youre telling him to lie, thats not the way to start a new relationship. He can "fluff" her and be kind without lying. I learned the hard way that when serial texting is the only thing that she is a pain in the ass with, its not that nbig a deal, and I shouldnt have been so annoyed by it. Once I started slowing down with the text messages, and told her "im sorry i was just a lil busy" it took away her fun and disappointed her. I realize it wasnt that big a deal, I could have easily kept it going if I took some effort to think about it at the time.
BCCA Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Umm no. Guys are the ones who need brutal honesty. Women need kindness and fluff. You learned the hard way not to tell a woman she was smothering you? Haha. I bet that woman walked out the door so fast your head was spinning. ^This^ Women do not like brutal honesty and being overly direct, hence they themselves do not communicate that way. Just take longer to respond, or respond as you feel. If she asks why, say youre more of a phone person. Most text-addicts I know understand that not everyone texts all day long.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I agree with you. The overtexting can be too much and can kill the attraction. I think the only thing you can do is tell her that you like to reserve texting to certain circumstances. Where will you meet, and what time for example. One thing you can do, is to not respond to every test, but call her eventually. Set the pace. If she doesn't get it, she is clueless.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I have been tryin to work on being indirect for years, but I F****** hate it.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 ^This^ Women do not like brutal honesty and being overly direct, hence they themselves do not communicate that way. Just take longer to respond, or respond as you feel. If she asks why, say youre more of a phone person. Most text-addicts I know understand that not everyone texts all day long. It's not a question of gender. Nobody likes brutal honesty. If you aren't direct with your wants and needs then you're just settling.
Cora Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Why can't you be honest? Jeeze if I'm texting a guy too much I would expect him to say so. Whatever it takes just be honest! If it takes him saying leave me the hell alone then do so. Why do guys feel they have to treat women like they are so delicate and can't handle the truth? I wish some guys would be more direct. I beg for it! Guys who tip toe around as to not hurt your feelings is what frustrates me! Say what you want to say and what you truly feel!
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Why can't you be honest? Jeeze if I'm texting a guy too much I would expect him to say so. Whatever it takes just be honest! If it takes him saying leave me the hell alone then do so. Why do guys feel they have to treat women like they are so delicate and can't handle the truth? I wish some guys would be more direct. I beg for it! Guys who tip toe around as to not hurt your feelings is what frustrates me! Say what you want to say and what you truly feel! I'd love to do a poll to see how many women feel your way. I always lived by the motto that everyone really wants the truth in a circumstance like this, its just a matter of the delivery.
Cora Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I'd love to do a poll to see how many women feel your way. I always lived by the motto that everyone really wants the truth in a circumstance like this, its just a matter of the delivery. Well of course there is a nice way to go about it but be truthful! You don't have to be harsh to deliver the truth. Just don't lie, not respond, delay response, etc.. and hope she gets the point. This is what turns me off the most about some guys who do this. If they have a problem with me texting too much then please let me know. I know all women aren't the same but that's just how I feel on the matter.
BCCA Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Why can't you be honest? Jeeze if I'm texting a guy too much I would expect him to say so. Whatever it takes just be honest! If it takes him saying leave me the hell alone then do so. Why do guys feel they have to treat women like they are so delicate and can't handle the truth? I wish some guys would be more direct. I beg for it! Guys who tip toe around as to not hurt your feelings is what frustrates me! Say what you want to say and what you truly feel! Because when we're brutally honest, we're being mean. And I dont need a poll, every woman I've come into contact with has reacted the same way. I dont mean to be sexist, but women do not communicate directly, which is why us guys have no idea whats going on in your heads most of the time. Guys are brutally honest with each other. We can take it, even if its not complimentary. We communicate directly. I dont want to get into specifics, but one of two things generally happen when Im brutally honest with a gf: they cry or hang up/walk away/get pissed off.
BCCA Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Guys (insert women here) who tip toe around as to not hurt your feelings is what frustrates me! Say what you want to say and what you truly feel! This is how men feel about women all the time! Too funny you feel the same way, there is hope!
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Because when we're brutally honest, we're being mean. And I dont need a poll, every woman I've come into contact with has reacted the same way. I dont mean to be sexist, but women do not communicate directly, which is why us guys have no idea whats going on in your heads most of the time. I dont want to get into specifics, but one of two things generally happen when Im brutally honest with a gf: they cry or hang up/walk away/get pissed off. Ugh. All the more reason that I have to learn how to talk indirectly. Theres alot of things i know about dealing with women, I completely forgot about the indirect speaking.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Unless there's a perfect example of brutal honesty, then I don't know how giving advice about it will actually help. Has there been anybody who actually went up to a person they either like or dislike and truly told them to their face about what they want or need? I would like to see that actually happening before I argue this matter any further.
Cora Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Well I know every woman is different and maybe I'm just odd but I have had so many guys who just tell me what they think I want to hear, lie or ignore me. All I ask is for their honesty and they still don't feel as if I mean it. It really does frustrate me....always has. BCCA: I do get what you are saying though. I know a lot of women may or may not feel differently about this. Yeah, and I guess women should probably work on being a bit more honest with men as well. Sigh...I'm guilty of this.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 All I ask is for their honesty and they still don't feel as if I mean it. You can thank the other women for teaching those guys that they dont always mean be honest, without getting pissy about it.
Cora Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 You can thank the other women for teaching those guys that they dont always mean be honest, without getting pissy about it. Thanks other women!!
carhill Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I'm just looking for a way to let her know because once the challenge of getting her is gone I usually lose all attraction and move to the next The real problem
Author vince1128 Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 The real problem TRUE. I think it stems from going from girl to girl, and not really having relationships often at all. I think the reason I asked is because I really like this girl I just need to learn to deal with relationship style behavior better, it's not her fault at all she just likes talking to me
carhill Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Hey, I know what you mean. Women love talking to me. I'm their buddy with a penis OP, the answers lie within you. When a woman likes you, it's possible to direct that like so it is healthy for you and still allows her to have her needs (for communication and intimacy) met. It's when they stop talking you know you're in trouble
MeMyself&I Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 So my girlfriend and I are texting (that's the first irony). Girlfriend as in she's a girl and I'm a girl and she is my friend. And what is the subject of our texting? That why have the last few girls in her life not been honest enough to tell her what was going on and just, slunk, slithered or whatever applies, out of her life w/o an explanation. Why not be honest? Oh, I know it's a common thing but why not at least tell her that it's not working.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 So my girlfriend and I are texting (that's the first irony). Girlfriend as in she's a girl and I'm a girl and she is my friend. And what is the subject of our texting? That why have the last few girls in her life not been honest enough to tell her what was going on and just, slunk, slithered or whatever applies, out of her life w/o an explanation. Why not be honest? Oh, I know it's a common thing but why not at least tell her that it's not working. ask her, or you, have either of you been to afraid to tell someone the real reason you broke it off with them.
MeMyself&I Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 ask her, or you, have either of you been to afraid to tell someone the real reason you broke it off with them. Uhm......in my case "no"! I of course was the one who usually got broke up with. In my last relationship when I broke it off. I told him why. It was very difficult. I'm not sure about all her relationships. But I do know that the on'e I can remember her breaking off..........she called/talked to the guy and told him why. I'm not saying I don't understand why they feel they need to do it and I know women are guilty of this too. It's just the chicken s*it way out though. IMHO!
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