Shock Me Sane Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 So, I was with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We lived together, still haven't separated all our stuff. We've been broken up for about 5 weeks. All my friends are like, "You need to be single! Have fun!" My best friend thinks I should have sex with 15 people before I consider getting in another LTR. (Before my last relationship, I was in another relationship that lasted 2+ years.) So, I've been out, sewing my wild oats and such, but I'm tired already. I can't see myself having sex with 15 people. I can't see myself staying single and playing the field. Being single is sucky and it wears me out. I have a regular booty call, an old co-worker, and I like him. I've slept with other people besides him during this time period, but I feel really dissatisfied with everyone else. Even though the others seem more into me (emotionally, I guess), I'm just not into them. Anytime I go out with or hook up with someone new, I almost immediately think, Nope. My other guy is better. My co-worker is physically 100% what I prefer in a partner and so good in bed. I realize there's no relationship between us, but I keep feeling more and more like I'd rather just stick to him. Would that be an unhealthy choice? I know we're completely unalike and not compatible intellectually. I'm not really into talking about my feelings and all that, neither is he. We're emotionally detached. We're good at sex, sleeping, and watching TV... but those are probably my three favorite things, aside from eating. I've been getting the impression lately that he isn't seeing anyone else, and he called or texted me almost everday last week. But... why the heck is he single if he's not seeing other people? He's 29, lives alone with his dog. He works 5 to 6 days a week. Spends the rest of his time surfing, golfing, or barbequeing with his buddies. Is he just too busy with other things to have real relationships? Is it possible that he is just so content with his life that a relaionship beyond sex seems pointless to him? I'm curious. Thoughts?
BCCA Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I live in the bay area myself. I was just curious, havent seen a lot of Californians on here. I love OC, my brother lives down that way. Anyway, I feel like for me personally, one night stands and booty calls with people I didnt really know worked the best. When you know them well enough to do so, you WILL compare them to your ex, and I've honestly got caught up in feeling something for someone when they were just looking for sex.
missmich Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Don't listen to your friends. What works for them may not work for you in terms of getting over someone. The guy I'm dating now,his friends told him to get out there and date around and have lots of sex with different women and he just can't do that. It isn't him. He tried,but it just isn't his style. It doesn't sound like it's for you either. Why be with anyone right now? Why not be single for a while and see what happens? You don't need to settle down with the coworker,especially since really the only thing you to are good at is sex. Keep it that way if that works for now but don't try to have a relationship with him. You just broke up with the x bf and your stuff is still there with him so deal with that first and then start to deal with getting over him.
mortensorchid Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I went through a time much like you are describing. I had a bf break up with me (this was 1999, and he was ahead of his time in terms of cowardice now oh so common, he did it via email), and I was ANGRY. I was acting out due to my anger at being treated so badly. Would not be the first time, and certainly would not be the last. Your friends are saying that because they are acting out their wants and needs. If it's what you want or need, right on. If not, then don't. You'll end up feeling bad about yourself for doing something you didn't want to or what made you unhappy.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I'm doing the same thing, dating around, but sticking to sex with just one guy. I'm beginning to have the mentality of wanting to stay with only him, but it's alot more stressful wondering if he'll want a relationship as opposed to enjoying time with someone who actually wants to be with me. If you're doing a booty call, then don't fall for them. It won't work and it'll just make you miserable wondering about his every move as a determining factor for something more. I have to start listening more to my own advice.
Author Shock Me Sane Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 I'm doing the same thing, dating around, but sticking to sex with just one guy. I'm beginning to have the mentality of wanting to stay with only him, but it's alot more stressful wondering if he'll want a relationship as opposed to enjoying time with someone who actually wants to be with me. If you're doing a booty call, then don't fall for them. It won't work and it'll just make you miserable wondering about his every move as a determining factor for something more. I have to start listening more to my own advice. I read some of your posts, and your situation with artist guy sounds very similar to mine. I'm definitely a booty call. I get texts from him at 12, 1, sometimes 2 in the morning wanting me to come see him. If we go for a while without contact, he'll start texting me asking for dirty pictures and such. It's just that, I didn't really go into this wanting a serious relationship. And... I really like this booty call set up because it's hot. I've never had a relationship with a boyfriend that was this exciting or steamy. Why can't regular relationships be this fun?
JeezLouise Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 It is best to sew oats using nylon or elastic thread, so that it can stretch larger or smaller as the oat either shrivels up or germinates. Sowing oats, on the other hand, requires no thread at all.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Sounds to me like you two ladies with the booty calls, you will never give another guy a chance when you are still sticking to the booty calls. How will you ever have the relationship you want, when no one can measure up? I dunno, sounds like the booty calls need some NC so you both can heal, forget about them, and try to work with a guy that will be into you fully. I know a girl in your situation that wasted 10 years of her life on a booty call guy. You wanna wait that long just to have nothing to show for it when it ends?
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I read some of your posts, and your situation with artist guy sounds very similar to mine. I'm definitely a booty call. I get texts from him at 12, 1, sometimes 2 in the morning wanting me to come see him. If we go for a while without contact, he'll start texting me asking for dirty pictures and such. It's just that, I didn't really go into this wanting a serious relationship. And... I really like this booty call set up because it's hot. I've never had a relationship with a boyfriend that was this exciting or steamy. Why can't regular relationships be this fun? Maybe that's just it. For me, I'm just bored, and having artist guy around keeps me preoccupied. But it doesn't stop me from getting insecurities about where everything is going. I avoid it when I can, but I know I can't avoid it forever. The thing I see about it is, when school starts again for me later in the Fall, I will be able to let go and concentrate on school rather than on him. So I guess right now the arrangement is fine, as long as I don't get ahead of myself. I do have my own preoccupations when I'm not seeing him. We live an hour and a half from each other so it's not like I see him all the time. I go to the gym and jog everyday, and I go out and have fun. I call my friends, make dates with other people. If I have to, I'll go away on vacation. Just don't let this guy get to you though. Because it will get harder in the long run. Basically situations like this do have a time bomb. You just have to be the person with the detonator.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Btw if you want to talk more privately, you can pm me.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 My best friend thinks I should have sex with 15 people before I consider getting in another LTR. Holy ****. I don't see myself having sex with 15 people in my LIFETIME.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Holy ****. I don't see myself having sex with 15 people in my LIFETIME. That is a lot, especially since the implication is that her friend thinks she should do this within a short period of time. Her friend must want her to be some kind of skank.
paddington bear Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 hmm, sounds like you prefer being in a relationship. Although you know this booty call guy is not right for you, because you're really not into dating and sleeping around to get over your ex, you've mentally attached yourself to the first guy that comes along - as in, the first guy that you see regularly. I agree with missmatch, why be with anyone right now? It's horrible, but maybe it's good to deal with the lonliness of being single again and to spend some time figuring out what went wrong in your last relationship and what you'd do differently the next time and what kind of man you would like.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 That is a lot, especially since the implication is that her friend thinks she should do this within a short period of time. Her friend must want her to be some kind of skank. Hey - less competition out there, right? I wonder if this "friend" has done the same thing. And - if she has - how many times has she been between LTRs?
Truly Lost Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I did the booty call thing with this guy. He inadvertantly helped me with getting over my ex . I was happy about that. I knew things between me and this guy wouldn't work out and honestly I thought we were only going to have a one night stand. He ended up calling me a few times afterwards and I thought maybe he was starting to warm up to me. We didn't spend too much time together in between our evenings of having sex so it was still a booty call and felt like one. But I was starting to get slowly attached and I was really trying to fight those feelings. It all came to a head when I learned that he got the phone number of a female friend of mine that he ran into one night. She later told me that he made it sound like we never hung out again after the night I took him out to meet my friends (she was one of the friends). Anyway, he called her and she asked him about me and he said, "we didn't "gel". He was saying this because he was trying to hook up with her. I was embarrassed and angry hearing this come from my friend. WTF? She didn't know what kind of relationship we had or what was going on. The reality of the situation smacked me in the face. I needed to cut things out with this guy because it is only going to hurt me, not help me. I learned from this and realised that I don't want a non-committed sex partner. Sex is fun, but not having any companionship really sucks and made me feel empty.
Author Shock Me Sane Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Hey - less competition out there, right? I wonder if this "friend" has done the same thing. And - if she has - how many times has she been between LTRs? Yeah, my best friend is a little liberal when it comes to sex, but we're very similar people. She's been in a LTR for over three years and is getting married in September. I'm her maid of honor. Before her current relationship, she slept around quite a bit, but when she found the right person, she didn't have any doubts about whether there was someone better out there because, well, she'd been shopping around for a long time. I think that's really the point she was trying to make with me. She knows I don't particularly want to get married and that I end up driving all of my boyfriends insane, so I don't think she meant that number over a short period of time. She wants me to be single for a long while. And, she meant a total number of 15, not 15 additional people. Haha. And anyway, I couldn't see myself being with anyone who had a problem with the number of partners I've had. Lighten up, dudes.
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 He's 29, lives alone with his dog. He works 5 to 6 days a week. Spends the rest of his time surfing, golfing, or barbequeing with his buddies. Is he just too busy with other things to have real relationships? Is it possible that he is just so content with his life that a relaionship beyond sex seems pointless to him? I'm curious. Yes. And you might want to try it for a while. There is a life outside of a relationship and banging people!
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