Loving Too Much Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 while in another relationship? Or to be more specific....Becoming friends/hanging out with an EX while with your SO? Has any other women on this board done this even if your SO felt akward and had reservations about it?
bluewolf17 Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Hi there, I have done it-wouldn't suggest it. I dated Zach for 3 years. We broke up in 2005, so there has been enough time BUT I have found truth in that even if you and he say "you are over it" one party definetly is more over it, than the other. I see Zach about 5-6 times a year. Sometimes more, sometimes less. He texts on my birthday and Christmas without fail. I did find that my SO (well, one of them) was NOT OKAY with me seeing Zach. I snuck and saw him a few times anyways, but felt very guilty about that. Not worth it!
Author Loving Too Much Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 In my situation, I was with my EX when she abruptly became friends with her EX. Lunch, bar hopping, coffee.....that type of stuff all within a week and a half of "becoming friends". Then she broke up with me. Just about 2 weeks after he showed up. I had reservations about it, but everytime I brought it up I was made to feel overly jealous and controling. Like I was not allowed to have an opinion on it. Just curious if anyone else has done this......and any insight from men or women on the matter. 2 weeks no contact with her. And no attempt from either of us.
Cuppie_Cake Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I have. With my first husband. When we divorced we were angry and pissed at each other. But after a few months, and the emotions settled down, we realized that we loved our kids more than we hated each other. Which turned into a wonderful friendship. Lets put it this way, at one of our childrens B-day parties, another mom ( who didnt know we were divorced) Asked when we were going to try for a little girl. To which I laughed and said we have been divorced for 3 years, and I pointed out my SO, and his SO. As for my SO, When he first met my ex and saw how good of friends we were he was a little put off, but I explained to him, If I wanted to be with him I would not have left him and gotten a divorce. My Ex and I have even lived in the same house 2 different times. When I moved into his house I slept on his couch. When he had to move into my home a couple years later, he shared a room with our eldest son.
BCCA Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Unless you have kids, there is absolutely no point in keeping in touch with someone after you split. It never leads anywhere you want it to.
bluewolf17 Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Unless you have kids, there is absolutely no point in keeping in touch with someone after you split. It never leads anywhere you want it to.[/quote Agreed!
Author Loving Too Much Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 I feel as though the EX had something to do with the breakup. They were never friends before. Maybe just a rush of old emotions and old memories. She never even tried to help me understand or feel secure about it either. Which should have been a red flag I suppose. I just plain and simple do not see why you would put someone that you LOVE in a situation with an EX. The SO should have come first IMO. Selfish....and the fact that she wasn't even willing to put forth the effort to make me feel better about the situation speaks loudly.....maybe she just didn't love me as much as she thought.
Author Loving Too Much Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 As for my SO, When he first met my ex and saw how good of friends we were he was a little put off, but I explained to him, If I wanted to be with him I would not have left him and gotten a divorce. That is all I wanted from her....and never got it. Just talk to me. The problem was I was quickly begining to feel like I was no longer the main attraction.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 while in another relationship? Or to be more specific....Becoming friends/hanging out with an EX while with your SO? you can be friends with an X in terms of being civil, being polite and talking when running into each other...but not the kind of friends that contact each other out of the blue, or on a regular basis, OR hang out together. Why? because it was someone you were intimate with. Would you want a bf hanging out with a girl that he had sex with before? Has any other women on this board done this even if your SO felt akward and had reservations about it? If any woman had a bf that had reservation about it....then why did they hang with an X after that fact? answer, SO seems rather insignificant to kind of ignore how they feel about a situation.
Author Loving Too Much Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 Just to clarify....I am a male. And I was not the one hanging out with an EX. I am just interested to see if there are people out there who think this is ok. I need to just stop BSing myself and face the fact that she ran back to him.
BCCA Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Just to clarify....I am a male. And I was not the one hanging out with an EX. I am just interested to see if there are people out there who think this is ok. I need to just stop BSing myself and face the fact that she ran back to him. As a guy myself, I'm pretty confident that there are only two reasons ex bf's hang around their ex gf's: 1. Sex 2. Get back together Other than that, there is really no other point. She may have ran back to him for something other than sex, but trust me - shes emotionally cheating at the least.
pandagirl Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I'm actually in a situation where I am the ex-girlfriend and my old boyfriend is trying to be friends with me and hang out, even though he has a gf. Can't it just be you want to be friends with someone??
Author Loving Too Much Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 I'm actually in a situation where I am the ex-girlfriend and my old boyfriend is trying to be friends with me and hang out, even though he has a gf. Can't it just be you want to be friends with someone?? Flip it around. Your his Girlfriend and he wants to hang out with his EX. Even if you were ok with him doing so, I still find it to be lack of respect for his SO, for him to even consider doing so.
pandagirl Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Flip it around. Your his Girlfriend and he wants to hang out with his EX. Even if you were ok with him doing so, I still find it to be lack of respect for his SO, for him to even consider doing so. OK, well what if the gf knows about it and is ok with it?
Author Loving Too Much Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Then I guess all is well. However, you are placing yourself and both of them into a situation that could potentially beharmful to all involved at some point. This same thing just happened to me. The difference is, my EX left me because I didn't like her and her EX hanging out all the time like they were. Basically chose him over me. Summed up = Potential for future drama.
You'reasian Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 while in another relationship? Or to be more specific....Becoming friends/hanging out with an EX while with your SO? Has any other women on this board done this even if your SO felt akward and had reservations about it? I have ex-es from years ago, whom are my friends today. I respect them and am friends with them, but they are happily dating/married/single with someone else.
MartyMcFly Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I've been on both sides and it is a bit ****. When I was at a party with my ex and her SO (significant other?) I thought we were getting on fine and it wasn't awkward at all. I heard later from a friend that her SO was getting pissed off at all the attention the ex was giving me. I laughed because I had no intention of stealing her from him so why did he get pissed. He came off has such a nervous dick. I didn't understand it at all. Until, my current girlfriend and I ran into her ex. I found myself unable to relax, constantly wondering if they were being friendly or too friendly, not getting their inside jokes and feeling generally ****. He's a good guy and I knew he wouldn't try anything, but even the tiniest doubt can creep up on you in that situation. It's just not worth it. I came off as a nervous *******. Lastly, if you want to see your ex. DO NOT do it in secret.
CaliGuy Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Short answer: As long as your are still IN LOVE with them, no. If you can imagine them in the throws of passion with someone else and it doesn't phase you then I say sure!
alphamale Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Is it ever ok to be friends with your EX... ? you should only remain "friends" with an ex if you have children together, no other exceptions, period.
Recommended Posts