hoping2heal Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Well, It was my grandma's birthday today, we had a small dinner and a few little trinkets as I'm so poor right now I can't afford a period, it was nice and fun. Then her dad walked in and deliberately gave her less money than I know for a fact he knows, he owes her. But generally since we've moved here her father disrespects us all the time. When I bring up how irritating this is for me to live with I get paw pawed at. Now since I pay half of the rent and bills around here, I think just because I'm a daughter doesn't mean I shouldn't also be treated like a roomate. In the sense that if we were roomates and one roomate had a person who always walked in without knocking and privelleged themselves to things without asking; i'd imagine there would be a discussion of resolution. Well, after everyone left I told my mom she needed to call and speak to her father and get back what's hers. She tried to make excuses for why she shouldn't. It wasn't the money so much that bothered me it was the flippin principal, it was that all my life the only thing I've seen is my mom walked alllll over by men, talked down to by men, disrespected, cheated, hurt by men and never once standing up for herself. So I got mad and said that as a mother she needed to set a better example for her daughters and not teach us that it's fine to be a welcome mat for men to wipe their feet on. Maybe I have some risidual anger issues that she never did anything about the molestation when she knew about it. Sure, yes I begged her never to tell but I was a A KID she was THE PARENT. She SHOULD of done something, so who knows.. maybe it was part of that. But I definately felt good getting off my chest how I felt about her not setting a better example for us with regard to how men should treat us. I don't know, I don't hate her or anything but I am mad at her I guess. I suppose when the wave of anger that has occupied me lately it will pass. It's funny because for as long as I can remember I was the one taking care of my mom and being her parent in very many senses, and at the same time I didn't dare think angry towards her for all the crap she's put us through, and hell for a lot of it honestly I have let it slide and I'm not mad about it, but all the examples of letting men come into our lives and hurt me ; my brother abusing me over and over for years and she didn't act beyond sending me away to an aunts, my dad constantly abusing me which she finally acted 14 years after the fact (better late than never though I guess, so ok I'll give her credit there) . I don't know, I love my mom and I do think she did the best she could, but I think if I keep feeling sorry for her and like I need to protect her from "feeling bad" instead of adressing how I really feel; I won't deal with it. Hell I haven't dealt with it. The way I see it, If I'm at least honest about how angry I am with certain things it will allow me the chance to finally let it go, trully forgive and move on. But yeah, it was a good healthy fight. We stuck to the issues, I didn't call her deragatory names or anything like that, I just stuck with what made me angry and why and how I felt about it, and it felt good to finally say all that sh*t.
samsungxoxo Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I know right we all hate seeing someone we love getting treated poorly and yet that person not doing a damn action about it. In your mom's case I think it was a healthy argument but unfortunately there isn't that much you can do for her. It's up to her to defend and stand up for herself. One is a doormat as long as you chose to be a doormat.
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