Our sisterhood

[Gamine]

We are all sisters in the Divine Feminine. Whether we classify ourselves as OW, BS, Wife, or OP, we are all sisters. We are all women and have between us a larger bond that cannot, and should not, be undermined.

 

I am not a BS, OW, or Wife. I am me. I am a woman first. Life may place us on different sides of the fence but this need not be the case. As women we are all really sharing in the same thing. We, as women, belong to one another more than we could ever belong to any man. We are sisters, we comprise womanhood. We are all beautiful and built with a heart made for love.

 

As a woman, I do not villainize OW or wives. After all, we are really two sides of the very same coin who feel separated by the 'roles' we play. However, one thing rings true to me... that we are sisters first. Despite the roles we play, or the romantic situations we find ourselves in... we should always put one another first.

[2sure]

The verbiage was way to Maryann Williamson (?) for me...but the sentiment if applied....could change the world.

[Owl]

Why limit this to the feminine?

 

We're all PEOPLE.

 

I may hate someone's actions...but if I can remember that they're a person, and work through what led to those actions, I find that they're often very forgiveable.

 

Empathy...the ability to put ourselves in their place...is what REALLY binds people in a way that completely seperates us from any other species on the planet.

[Stepone]

What gamine says is how it should be, ideally... but the reality.... it's so different isn't it?

 

I feel so let down by myself for my almost-affair with my buddy's H. I think I was conditioned by my mom to think like this - she always said "don't ever trust a woman, none of them want the best for you really... they are all secretly jealous of you"... i really wish she hadn't brought me up with this kind of thinking. I resist as much as I can thinking this way, but the evidence all points to her being right to an extent (except for me of course - I am certainly not this kind of woman)

 

How many people can honestly say they haven't been dropped like a hot brick by their best female friend the moment she got a boyfriend

[2sure]

Owl has a good point. But I think the OP is referring to the way women , the gentler sex, treat each other.

 

Its a sin. Its wrong. I hate that I sometimes catch myself participating.

[bentnotbroken]

Owl has a good point. But I think the OP is referring to the way women , the gentler sex, treat each other.

 

Its a sin. Its wrong. I hate that I sometimes catch myself participating.

 

 

Me too. I think that always being around guys is more comfortable for me because of some the actions that have come to characterize the feminine gender.

[White Flower]

We are all beautiful and built with a heart made for love.

 

... we should always put one another first.

I wish we could as a whole practice this principle.

 

I believe if we all, women, banded together we would be stronger and more respected. Yes, we've come very far in our evolution to better our lives within most societies yet the basic instincts are still there to compete for the alpha male, the one who can provide a better life and give us stronger offspring.

 

If we quit competing for them they will find themselves doing whatever they can to be better men for us. But we continue to compete, berate, backstab, connive, etc, in order to win the cream of the crop. Not all women do this, but when forced to defend what is theirs they usually do even if it surprises them.

 

When my H had his EA I found myself not wanting to do any of the above. I did step up the bedroom aerobics in order to make him want to come home to me but I could not berate her for wanting him. In fact, I did very little to acknowledge her. In the end I figured I just wasn't the right woman for him and finally accepted that he was not the right man for me.

 

I know if we all took this attitude the divorce rate would sky-rocket. But isn't divorce better than becoming a woman-hater? You force your H to stay with you due to kids, finances, and a promise made in youth but you get to harbor this hatred toward a woman your H truly loves? Didn't you ever ask yourself why he should stay with you if he truly loves another?

 

I'm really asking from a spiritual standpoint and not a practical one. If my H really loves another woman and thinks about her all the time, I have to set him free. And I won't blame her for any of it.

[wildsoul]

I'm really asking from a spiritual standpoint and not a practical one. If my H really loves another woman and thinks about her all the time, I have to set him free. And I won't blame her for any of it.

I fall on that side of the fence. Though when I was younger, I might have gone too far that way. If another women was coming on to my guy and he was responding, I'd break up with him over it. I just hated the way that female competition felt. That feeling was perhaps worse than not being able to trust my guy. Not being able to trust women was an emotional place that I did not want to go.

 

And as far as my dealings with men go, I'm not wanting to be someone's jailer. Be with me fully or don't be with me at all. And certainly don't choose a half-life because you're too damn scared to make a change and blame it on ME. Perhaps I'm afforded the luxury of that viewpoint because I don't have kids and therefore less dependent. But I'd rather have no marriage than one that exists primarily for legal/financial reasons. That pain would be far greater for me than a divorce.

[JMC]

Gamine, your spirit and intentions are beautiful. You really are beautiful inside!

 

I wish for this forum, what you outlined. We need more peeps like you here.

[Spark1111]

and beautifully expressed, Gamine. In college Sociology we learned that oppression is necessary to keep lesser citizens from gaining power from the powerful. If the powerful are successful in their oppression, the lesser class of citizens turn on each other, essentially doing their rulers work for them.

 

So, if men still rule the world and have all the power, women are often notorious for competing, belittling and backstabbing each other. Sad, but I think true. Wish and hope it will someday be different for my daughters.

[Island Girl]

As a woman, I do not villainize OW or wives. After all, we are really two sides of the very same coin who feel separated by the 'roles' we play. However, one thing rings true to me... that we are sisters first. Despite the roles we play, or the romantic situations we find ourselves in... we should always put one another first.

 

I semi-subscribe to this belief hence me never being a knowing OW.

I wouldn't knowingly betray another woman on that level. EVER.

 

There are many other reasons I wouldn't be an OW.

 

However, if a woman knowingly has a relationship with my husband, the gloves are off.

[White Flower]

I fall on that side of the fence. Though when I was younger, I might have gone too far that way. If another women was coming on to my guy and he was responding, I'd break up with him over it. I just hated the way that female competition felt. That feeling was perhaps worse than not being able to trust my guy. Not being able to trust women was an emotional place that I did not want to go.

 

And as far as my dealings with men go, I'm not wanting to be someone's jailer. Be with me fully or don't be with me at all. And certainly don't choose a half-life because you're too damn scared to make a change and blame it on ME. Perhaps I'm afforded the luxury of that viewpoint because I don't have kids and therefore less dependent. But I'd rather have no marriage than one that exists primarily for legal/financial reasons. That pain would be far greater for me than a divorce.

I remember a woman was trying to get her claws into my H years ago. (Notice the descriptive and catty language? lol). It did not bother me so much because he genuinely wanted to help her with projects as a friend yet it bothered me enough to point out some of her tactics. Eventually he stopped helping her so much and after being laid off he never saw her again. This scenario bothers me more than exH's EA with OW because it appeared to be a woman who wanted a fling, a liason with someone she would be merely using. And why risk the breakup of a M for a temporary thrill?

 

The EA with exH's OW bothered me as well, but at least I could understand that they had feelings for each other that were real and not about advancing at work or getting an itch scratched. Once I realized they had real feelings for each other, I accepted it and moved on.

[jj33]

Im sorry but how does this thread relate to support for OW/OMs?

 

Nice sentiment but I believe this has been posted in the wrong forum.

[White Flower]

Im sorry but how does this thread relate to support for OW/OMs?

 

Nice sentiment but I believe this has been posted in the wrong forum.

I think in the bigger picture we could all get along as we should. If we sat and ananlyzed our fears we probably wouldn't hate the OWs and BSs like we often end up doing. Gamine is trying to say overcome ignorance and remember the sisterhood, I believe.

[NoIDidn't]

Sorry to be a dissenter, but just because another human is a woman does NOT make them my sister.

 

Some women really DO make other women look bad. Its rare that the sentiment is the opposite though. Its almost like most of humanity feels that a good woman is an anomally.

 

I will always treat others with the respect due their humanity, but there is no sisterhood. I will not trespass on another woman's territory (her marriage and other relationships ARE her territory), but there is no sisterhood.

 

Not to mention, the whole concept of a "sisterhood" seems to suggest that women are to be united against the "other" as in the men that cause the sisterhood concept to be challenged.

 

Maybe I don't "do" the sisterhood thing because I am just not a feminist. IDK. Oh well.

 

But I love you all, sisterhood or not!

[jj33]

I agree with you NID. Years ago I was part of a womans group providing support for rape and sexual abuse victims.

 

Every time I went to a meeting everyone there talked about how we were sisters. I never felt very comfortable with that. I didnt consider them sisters; they were other people interested in supporting the same cause.

 

And they were definitely anti men.

[Gamine]

I was en route to Southampton, England on the QE2 on a transatlantic crossing out of New York and on ship they were playing a movie "A Little Princess". So, one evening I strolled in and watched the movie and was brought to tears by one specific scene.

 

Miss Minchin: Don't tell me you still fancy yourself a princess? Child, look around you! Or better yet, look in the mirror.

 

Sara Crewe: I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he?

 

Miss Minchin is that voice inside us or the voice we hear sometimes that tries to tell us that we are just ordinary, alone, and unlovable. She is the voice of the woman disappointed and hurt by life and love who decided to no longer 'believe'.

 

The child, Sara, knew that no matter what all girls are princesses. We all are. Maybe our fathers never told us, maybe someone or we, ourselves, convinced ourselves that we weren't.

 

But we are. As I get older, I hope and pray that I'll always remember this and will never forget that I and all women are princesses. And hope that I will be in tune enough to let my 'sisters' know this as well.

[White Flower]

Sorry to be a dissenter, but just because another human is a woman does NOT make them my sister.

 

Some women really DO make other women look bad. Its rare that the sentiment is the opposite though. Its almost like most of humanity feels that a good woman is an anomally.

 

I will always treat others with the respect due their humanity, but there is no sisterhood. I will not trespass on another woman's territory (her marriage and other relationships ARE her territory), but there is no sisterhood.

 

Not to mention, the whole concept of a "sisterhood" seems to suggest that women are to be united against the "other" as in the men that cause the sisterhood concept to be challenged.

 

Maybe I don't "do" the sisterhood thing because I am just not a feminist. IDK. Oh well.

 

But I love you all, sisterhood or not!

I love you right back (in a very sisterly way ).

[NoIDidn't]

Miss Minchin: Don't tell me you still fancy yourself a princess? Child, look around you! Or better yet, look in the mirror.

 

Sara Crewe: I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he?

 

Miss Minchin is that voice inside us or the voice we hear sometimes that tries to tell us that we are just ordinary, alone, and unlovable. She is the voice of the woman disappointed and hurt by life and love who decided to no longer 'believe'.

 

The child, Sara, knew that no matter what all girls are princesses. We all are. Maybe our fathers never told us, maybe someone or we, ourselves, convinced ourselves that we weren't.

 

 

Gamine, this is a lovely sentiment. But I fail to see how it relates to a sisterhood. Its about individual women valuing themselves, not other women.

[Gamine]

I think in the bigger picture we could all get along as we should. If we sat and ananlyzed our fears we probably wouldn't hate the OWs and BSs like we often end up doing. Gamine is trying to say overcome ignorance and remember the sisterhood, I believe.

 

Yes, White Flower. Thank you for understanding my heart. I have been hurt and I have done my share of hurting.

 

I have decided to do no further harm. To anyone for any reason. As I read through the threads I realize that hurt touches so many. I am not a feminist, I simply believe that we women are unique creatures and that we should support one another when the opportunity arises. That there can be support to the OW/OM through... as you so wisely put it... by overcoming ignorance.

 

Thanks, White Flower....

[NoIDidn't]

I agree with you NID. Years ago I was part of a womans group providing support for rape and sexual abuse victims.

 

Every time I went to a meeting everyone there talked about how we were sisters. I never felt very comfortable with that. I didnt consider them sisters; they were other people interested in supporting the same cause.

 

And they were definitely anti men.

 

I was a part of a survivors group once too. And its also the main reason that I don't do the sisterhood thing.

 

I left that group shortly after joining it, for several reasons. There were all kinds of women there and they all seemed to blame men for the things that happened to them. But I guess their feelings were foreign to me because my abuser wasn't a man (another thread, lol). And maybe this has more to do with why I don't feel the "sisterhood" thing.

 

I think appealing to a sisterhood works for some. I just try to appeal to our common humanity because that doesn't exclude men and their very real concerns too.

[Gamine]

Gamine' date=' this is a lovely sentiment. But I fail to see how it relates to a sisterhood. Its about individual women valuing themselves, not other women. [/quote']

 

Look deeper into the words. You may see that it has everything to do with sisterhood.

[NoIDidn't]

Look deeper into the words. You may see that it has everything to do with sisterhood.

 

I did and I see it as a woman encouraging another to value herself, not the other princesses.

 

Not every Princess gets to become a Queen. So that's probably why I don't see the relation.

 

But I digress.

 

It is still a lovely encouragement to give to a woman.

[Gamine]

It is a child speaking to the heart of a damaged and angry woman, reminding her that they share the same spirit and that they are each, by birthright, princesses. It is not of value, but of that which is inherent.

[Island Girl]

That there can be support to the OW/OM through... as you so wisely put it... by overcoming ignorance.

 

By 'supporting' the OW/OM isn't there a "sister" or "brother" out there getting the shaft?!!