fitzy30 Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 4 and a half years together and she broke up with me Broke up 3 months ago we met up for lunch to be friends and we got on well talking about what we were doing in our lives since we broke up we got on great and had a great time,there were times were i felt i had strong feelings for her but at the end of lunch when she left it hurted me so bad at the end of it when we parted ways she kissed me on the cheek and said ill be contact you soon take care then she texted me 20mins after it and said it was really good seeing again im so happy when can be friends,im glad your doing well you deserve to be happy i want to stay in contact and want to know how you are doing.i just hope meeting up will help you to move on it was great to see you again i had a great time. then she said. the 4 and a half years were special to me and ill always have fond memories of our time together,ill always care for you and your a wonderful person and all i want is for you to be happy. really sad moment for me it was.should i go NC from now on and did i blow it with my ex now..is it over for good
xpaperxcutx Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I would expect her to understand that if she was the one who broke up with you, she at least should have had the decency to have left you alone. But you should have been stronger and stayed away. You have to understand that a 4 year relationship can't be completely forgotten in 4 months, and for you, the wound is still fresh. Yes, it's wise to commit to NC right now. Get rid of her number and her contact. If she's already moved on, it's time to you do the same. Except you don't want her presence to constantly drag you down and hold you back.
JeezLouise Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I think that so many times the one who breaks up is the one who really likes the idea of remaining friends. It lessens their guilt, and it makes them feel like they really must be a good person to want to stay close to someone that they just can't remain romantically involved with. Friends, to me, isn't feasible, unless both parties are truly done with the romantic aspect of the relationship. If you are still in love with her, you don't really want to sit and listen to stories of her life that do not include you. Friendly is different - amicable. But not friends. Way too painful, IMHO.
CaliGuy Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I think that so many times the one who breaks up is the one who really likes the idea of remaining friends. It lessens their guilt, and it makes them feel like they really must be a good person to want to stay close to someone that they just can't remain romantically involved with. Friends, to me, isn't feasible, unless both parties are truly done with the romantic aspect of the relationship. If you are still in love with her, you don't really want to sit and listen to stories of her life that do not include you. Friendly is different - amicable. But not friends. Way too painful, IMHO. I say it all the time. The only reason a dumper wants to remain friends is to relieve their guilt. It's really of no benefit to the dumpee to remain friends, especially if you still love your ex. It's very selfish of a dumper to do this to their exs. I've been dumped twice in my life and both times they wanted to remain friends. And in both cases I was firm that remaining friends was not a possiblity. That I do not accept being "demoted" to just a friend. If I am not good enough for you to date, then let's just move on with our lives and wish each other luck.
BCCA Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 The only reason a dumper wants to remain friends is to relieve their guilt. It's really of no benefit to the dumpee to remain friends, especially if you still love your ex. Amen brother! OP, we've all been there, and Ive done the same thing. You think what could it hurt, maybe things can be different, blah blah blah...and then you quickly realize that its a waste of time and energy, and the person who dumped you is getting all the benefit of this interaction at your expense. Now a days, I just say 'were never going to be friends' flat out. Usually, you never hear from them again after that, which is what would happen if you agreed to be 'friends' anyway. As soon as they start seeing someone else, being your 'friend' is going to be the last thing on their mind.
Recommended Posts