KHAOS Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 For those of you having a hard time with NC, I feel like sharing my story and a bit of advice that’ll hopefully help some of you that are going through a rough time. My ex gf will not leave me the hell alone. I was the one who was dumped. We went 6 months of complete NC. I completely cut her out of my life. We started out dating after she divorced her husband of just over a year. We had been friends for 5 months before dating. She and I dated for about 4 months, through which we ‘broke up’ two times before she finally called it off. After our breakup, we saw each other again briefly and were on the mends before she started to date another guy behind my back, which I found out only through FB. I made a couple attempts to win her back, but to no avail, so I gave up. When I gave up, and went to LC, she tried pulling on me in an effort to keep her hooks into me. I went NC completely when she told me she was pregnant by the guy she dated after me. Two months later she sends me a huge apology email. I replied to her, getting everything out of my system telling her how horrible she was to me during the latter part of our relationship, and how I took the brunt of all the emotions she was going through after her divorce. I didn't accept her apology. I started NC with her again, telling her to leave me alone. I did not want to hear from her. Yet, she’d still email me, which I never responded to. A few more emails came through. I left those alone. She last emailed me during Christmas. I replied that she should really leave me alone. Six months go by. I was glad she finally took the hint. However, my birthday rolls around, and she emails me out of the blue, wishing me a good one and saying that I “deserve it.” I left it alone, but it bugged me. I still thought about her a lot, and still, to a degree, had some semblance of feelings for her that just would not go away. Five days went by. I replied to her email with a polite, “Thanks. It was awesome.” I had a feeling she’d try to get a dialogue going. I wasn’t budging. “I’ve known you for three of your birthdays…time flies.” “Yes it does.” A couple more emails go by, and I just lay it out. “I can tell you want something. What do you want?” She sends me another apology, begging me to forgive her, saying how the baby she had with the other guy has changed her life, how it saved her from her destructive habits, and that she’s a better person. I don’t believe it. I tell her she’s not deserving of my forgiveness yet, as it will take me a very long time to get over what all happened. Against my better judgment, in a moment of weakness, when she asked me to add her to my buddy list so we could chat, I told her to add me instead. We talked the next day. It was like we were back to old selves after we warmed up a bit, talking like we used to, having a great time. I admit, it felt good, but it was a hollow feeling. She kept talking of how all she has is her baby that makes her happy, how her little boy is her “only man.” How she’ll go home to him, take care of him, then cry herself to sleep at night and dream about me constantly. How she misses me and still has feelings for me. She’d flirt with me off and on, making comments when I’d make her laugh, saying her co-workers are looking at her funny, as they aren’t used to seeing her very happy. Asking me if I had any plans for the weekend (I sure did), and replying how the only date she had was taking care of her little boy. Basically a whole sob story. I don't want to know what she is trying to hint at. There’s no possible chance of us getting back together unless she’s the one that puts forth the effort, which is 99.999% not going to happen, and I accept it. Last I heard, she married her baby’s dad about 8 months ago. I would bet a severely large amount of money that she is still is married to him. Why she still drops all these hints and talks to me the way she does just confuses me. I’m frustrated at this point because it has been about 18 months since we’ve broken up, and before now it was a solid 6 months of NC. Yet, at some points I still feel the same way about her that I used to. I too, have dreamt about her. It’s a torture on my mind. I have been trying to date around all this time, but each girl I have met is just another disappointment. Then she comes back along. It’s a slap in the face. I fear that I’m doomed to be alone. I’m a very good catch, and I know it and show it. I have confidence, good looks, great personality, yet for some reason, I am not running into anybody decent, nor have not found the right woman that I mesh with. All the while I'm still so hung up on this relationship. This whole thing put me back at square one. I should’ve stayed at complete NC. This latest episode did nothing for me. “I'm so sorry” and “I miss you” does not keep me warm at night. Talking to somebody who I shared a soul with, who took me for granted, that’s now stuck with her mistakes is absolutely detrimental to my sanity. Now tomorrow, or at least within the next day or two, I have to tell her to leave me alone for good. None of this recurring, “I’m so sorry, I miss you so much” bull****. I’m sick of it all. Take it from me, whatever you do, do not let anybody wedge themselves into your life no matter what, especially if they have shown you that you’re not good enough to be in theirs. I had a weak moment, and now I’m paying for it. If you’re the one who got dumped, I’ll put this very bluntly – your ex is the enemy. Treat them as such. Stay NC.
Chinook Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 You're right, staying nc is the best course of action with people like this. Incidentally, for those people who are like this, it is probably best for the dumpee to block the person's email address - Yahoo, Hotmail and most major providers have this facility. Trust me, nothing they have to say is anything anywhere near what you need to see.
bluewolf17 Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Khaos, Great post. I am really sorry you got strung along all that time. I have been doing the same thing for 3 months and I just stopped and started day 4 of NC. It sucks, but so does wasting time.
LadyV Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 You're right, staying nc is the best course of action with people like this. Incidentally, for those people who are like this, it is probably best for the dumpee to block the person's email address - Yahoo, Hotmail and most major providers have this facility. Trust me, nothing they have to say is anything anywhere near what you need to see. I have to agree!!! I went NC almost 3 weeks ago...Today is day 16 NC! Yay for me!!! But, in order for me to accomplish this, I had to block his number, as well as close email accounts and when I opened a new one, I blocked his email address. He blocked me from FB, which is fine....I don't care to look at his site knowing he's already dating someone new and it's all over his and her site.... I keep telling myself that it takes 21 days to break a habit. He was like a bad habit that I am trying to break, so far so good....I still have my moments, but not nearly as bad as it was in the beginning of NC. I am much better off!!!
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