StillCrazy Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I have another identity on LS but I'd like to keep this info anonymous via websearches, etc. Ex broke up with me 4 1/2 years ago. I quit school, moved halfway across the country, found a new job, and have a live-in b/f of almost 4 years. The b/f and I get along so well 75% of the time... But I've found myself dissatisfied with the relationship on several counts. #1 we have sex less than once a month due to lack of interest on his part. He won't get any kind of medical examination, just says "I'm not really into sex." #2 all the little things that can annoy you about someone after years of being with them build up. I dunno. B/f is a loving, honest, reliable, hardworking, sweet guy with a few foibles and almost no libido. But you know this is my 3rd LTR, and he's so much more in so many ways than the exes that I can't bear to think of breaking up with him seriously. And yet there are things that really dissatisfy me about my current situation. I've thought about the ex every single day, multiple times a day, for the last 4 years. He got married a few years back, and although I've kept up with things by reading his webpage I've never contacted him in all these 4 years. He sent me a myspace request a month or so ago, saying, "Hey, I thought we could be adult about things and be friends, lol." What he really meant, of course, was that maybe I could be adult enough to be friends- ever since the breakup he'd tried to keep being my friend. I sat there with my heart pounding when I saw the request, thought it over for a good half-hour, and finally decided that I didn't want to cut him out of my life. Rejecting the request would have been the end of any contact with him forever- he wouldn't ask twice. So I accepted the request, but did not message or mail him. I have no intention of doing so unless he messages me... for all I know he just wants to have me on his friends list. /shrug But I feel so fooked up. I love the ex- I loved him almost from the moment we met, through the 3 1/2 years of our relationship, would have forgiven him anything but cheating. I still think about him every day. It doesn't have the same sting, and I have no intention of pursuing him romantically. but I just can't let him go. It feels like he was the one for me, just basically did it for me on every level. Through NC, career change, moving, new relationship- I've sorta managed to cobble a life for myself... but it feels like a shadow of the feelings I had when I was with him. I was young and stupid and made a lot of mistakes in the relationship- I've changed a lot since then- started being much more independent. But I just can't let him out of my life forever. Even if I can just be his Myspace friend, it makes me feel a little better knowing that I could talk to him, if I wanted to. Screwed up, eh?
wowIlose Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I don't blame you for having such a strong connection to this guy but is it really fair to your current partner for you to be thinking about someone else every day and also being unsatisfied but staying in a relationship? Nope... very uncool. I say either work it out with your current guy or stop dragging this out because no one should be in a relationship with someone that doesn't want to truly be with them. As far as your old love... well it doesn't really matter anymore does it? Hes married and any contact on your part would be unwise especially when you still have feelings and he doesn't.
darksky Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 WowIlose is right, If you are having these feelings for you ex then it sounds like you are not content in your relationship with your new bf. I think you need to end the relationship with your current bf because if you was truely happy with him, then you wouldn't care less about the ex, also it is unfair to your current bf, in a way it is emotional cheating. How would your current bf feel if he knew you where having these feelings and thinking about your ex? You say you want no romantic relationship with your ex, is that entirely true?? It sounds to me as if your ex and your current boyfriend are not right for you. Your ex is married so thats a dead end.. and you arn't happy with your current boyfriend. If i were you i think i would end the relationship then find something else where you will be free of any ex's and truely happy.. but make sure you finish with your bf before finding something else, too many people do it the wrong way round. The other option is to stay with your bf and forget about the ex and see how it goes for a while, but by what your writing i think thats not what your wanting. Hope thats helps.
Scottdmw Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I know how you feel. I've been NC with my ex for 2 years now, had and ended relationships with other women, and I still think about her pretty much every day. Scott
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