Stark Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Hi first post here but I really need help on this. It's going to be a long one as I don't wish to miss out details. Basically me and this girl go back a long way. 6 years or so. Never been in a proper relationship with her, first time it was childish at 16, second time it was just sex for about two months. Anyway she contacted me via facebook, and we get talking. Shes about 2 months out of a 3 year relationship but apparantly she hated the guy halfway through and only reason she tried to make it work was because she was living with him. But she's got her own place now. We talked about old times, and she makes it clear that she wants to meet up for a few drinks and then back to mine. We agree to meet about 1 month ago, she texts me cancelling with " something came up " 5 minutes before meeting. So I avoided talking to her for two weeks, she contacts me and apologizes. I didn't want to get too nosy so I didn't ask her why she cancelled. Well we talked for a bit after that, and we start texting each other. I ask her what is it she contacted me for, sex/relationship/friends etc. Eventually she says that she wants more than friendship, and she invites me up that night. I go up at 4am and had a great night. I've not had such a good night in years. We talked, we flirted/joked/playful flirted and talked about serious things too, and of course had sex. I was in two minds about having sex as I told her I wanted to go slow as I really really liked her and wanted to try something more than just sex like last time but two hours of kissing/fondling and it's just too much too resist. Well I end up sleeping over at hers, and I've never felt as comfortable as I did that night. So I go home the next day (or the same day via time) at 8pm that night and the next night I text her asking what shes doing, she says nothing then I text asking to come up, because I want to talk about a few serious things I need to know before I get involved. She said she just wanted " me " the previous night before, and that she wants to take things slow. Understandable, but it's still pretty unclear what that is. Could be anything. Sex relationship maybe building into more. Open relationship, which I can't do. I don't mind going slow/giving space but I can't commit myself to someone and let myself get emotionally involved if I know they can see other people. So she doesn't reply back. I try giving her a phone call, must have tried about 5 times in 3 hours but was engaged. I got pissed off because I was waiting all night to know wether I was going up or not and told her that she could have at least text back saying yes/no well meet up some other day and she calls me clingy. I am not clingy, I just want to know where I stand, because like I said I don't want just sex, I don't want an open rel, and I want to be clear of this before I invest myself into her. Well, the next day I give her a phone call and she apologizes, and I just told her that I want to meet to talk over a few things because I really do like her and I want to try with her, and she agrees to meet the next day says to give her a call back because she was out at the time, that she would text me. Well she text saying she was too drunk too talk and would give me a call about meeting the next day with the details about meeting. She never did. So I'm at my current predicament. I'm not speaking to her at the moment since she ignored me, but I have a feeling that she will try get in contact again. I really adore this girl - more than anything and I love spending time with her, never once have we never had fun when together, the problem occurs in the fact she keeps ****ing me around, and that she's not clear on her intentions. My problem is I am not understanding her. She contacts me and says she likes me, yet screws me around every time I try push to make something of it. She says she wants more than friendship with me, yet isn't clear on what she wants. I know if she gave me the chance of say 1 month she'd want to be with me because like I said when we are together it is the best fun ever but I'm not getting that chance and I'm not getting why she'd go to all this trouble of contacting me etc. So when she texts again, and I know she will, should I give it one final push to try make something of it because I like her so much? Should I play hard to get, maybe that will work? or should I forget her.
Dreaming69 Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Stark, definately some red flags there mate. This sounds to me like you're not the only guy filling in her time, and shes keeping you hanging just in case. Time to back off, especially if you really like her as you say you do. Tell her straight in a non confrontational way you don't appreciate being given the run around and then casually dissapear. Then you will find out her true intentions. Its hard I know because you feel like you're not making an effort to chase her so to speak. At the very least you'll keep your dignity intact and she won't lose respect for you. If she wants you she will find you, and if she does, make sure you stick to your guns. She says she wants to be 'more than friends' but her action are speak otherwise. Go with your gut feeling. Don't accept behaviour like that. It's bull**** game playing, and immature if you ask me. How old is she? Good luck.
Author Stark Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 Stark, definately some red flags there mate. This sounds to me like you're not the only guy filling in her time, and shes keeping you hanging just in case. Time to back off, especially if you really like her as you say you do. Tell her straight in a non confrontational way you don't appreciate being given the run around and then casually dissapear. Then you will find out her true intentions. Its hard I know because you feel like you're not making an effort to chase her so to speak. At the very least you'll keep your dignity intact and she won't lose respect for you. If she wants you she will find you, and if she does, make sure you stick to your guns. She says she wants to be 'more than friends' but her action are speak otherwise. Go with your gut feeling. Don't accept behaviour like that. It's bull**** game playing, and immature if you ask me. How old is she? Good luck. I am turning 22 and she is turning 24 very soon. I think she has a few other guys on the run too or is at least close with. I wouldn't know about the sex but sex came natural for us since it was all we did non stop for two months - she is just out of a relationship and wants to keep her options open, I understand this, but at the same time she could have done all of this without contacting me, 4 years since we last spoke, which is why I'm confused.
Dreaming69 Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Ok, well if youre going to continue to 'hang out' with her, your also going have to deal with the fact at the moment she definately doesn't know what she wants, is obviously playing the field, and in the end that may or may not end up with you. So at best, just play it very cool.. Don't make yourself available to her at the drop of a hat. Be casual, no clingyness whatsoever, otherwise shes knows shes got you wrapped around her finger, too easy!. If your hanging out, then maybe get up and leave early out of the blue, saying you have things to do. Leave her hanging a bit. Shes no doubt loving all the extra attention at the moment, and thats typical for a girl of 24 just out of a relationship. But at the moment she doesn't mirror your attraction to her, you are obviously into her and want her exclusively to yourself. So don't get yourself worked up over it all, just be your normal self. DON'T ask if she seeing other guys, you may just cause friction, just know that she is, and let her work out what she wants in time.
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