incision Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I`ve been on these forums for a while looking for some help with what i`m going through. The story is i have 3 children with my wife and we have been separated for 4 months now but still slept with each other untill last month but i still thought we`d work it out and she said she wanted to aswell. Unfortunatly while going round to her house yesterday i saw a used condom in the bin and confronted her about, she slept with a guy the night before and now i feel betrayed and cheated and i can`t even describe how gutted and alone i feel. I cant sleep or eat or even concentrate on anything i`ve now lost everything that i loved and i know i still have my children but they live with her and will soon see her with another man. I don`t have a social life and no friends and i`m struggling to deal with this i don`t think i`m gonna make it i just want the pain and hurt to go. Not really sure why i`m posting this message i suppose i`m just looking for some help on how to deal with this or anyone thats been through the same situation.
wowIlose Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 First of all there is nothing wrong with you.. what your experiencing is actually very normal given the circumstances. Let yourself hurt for a bit. It may take a while but the pain will start to lessen. Make sure you put your kids first, protect your finances and start separating from this woman in every way possible. Eventually you will bounce back, however unlikely that may seem right now.
darksky Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Hi incision, Thats pretty tough to take.. one of my relaionships ended in a similar way to this. My advice is to totally cut her out of your life, well, as much as possible, i understand it will be hard with having kids. You say that you thought things would work out but she isnt thinking that way otherwise she would not have slept with someone else.. its over with your wife and you must allow yourself to realise this so you can move on and heal. I know its hard but you must make an effort to meet people.. dont worry about it at first just look after yourself and give yourself a few weeks to just hurt and get over the first pain barrier. After that start getting yourself out to places and meet peolpe in anyway you can, easier said than done i know. In time (an probably sooner than you think) the pain will fade and you will be able to start enjoying life again. It will be tough and all sorts of bad feelings will come and go but it WILL GET BETTER!! and you will find someone else, but dont even concern yourself with that now. Hang in there your not alone, so many people are in the same situation and they survive, and so will you.. tell yourself your strong and you will be.
Author incision Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 I know what your saying and my family say the same thing but all i can see in my head is her sleeping with him and it hurts because i hate her for what she`s done but still love her more than anything. I wish i could move on from this.
Ronni_W Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 all i can see in my head is her sleeping with him and it hurts incision, First thing to do is DEMAND that the part of you that has gotten stuck on keeping those images in your head stop doing it...immediately! Tolerating those images is only hurting your Self, so take back control and put a stop to all hurtful mental images and activities. That would be the first requirement if you wish to fulfill your desire to move on. It'll also need you to (try to) take better care of your general health -- SMALL steps if that's all you can manage right now. Use whatever products and tools will assist: relaxation music or guided imagery CDs for sleeping, natural health supplements, three minutes of exercise whenever you can. Your kids need you to be a powerful, healthy, adult, positive, stable force in their lives. As much as it may feel like a personal sacrifice to you, they are depending on you to be their leader, and guide them through the crap that has become their reality, likely without their conscious consent. It sucks, and it sucks BIG time! There is no way around that...so the only sane option is to plow right through it. Yes? Sending hugs, Strength, Wisdom and Courage.
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