Does the 20-year-old generation date or just "hang out"

[Bells]

Personally I don't have a problem with calling it a date, but since girls are the gatekeepers to exclusivity. Usually I let them label it whatever they want it to be. I think the dating landscape here has changed here quite a lot due to technology, proximity of meeting peers your age, building large social networks, and facebook/myspace.

 

Yes, unfortunately, the women call the shots on what to classify their current nature of their relationship with a man they're spending time with.

 

If it were me, though, I wouldn't let them label it whatever they want it too, being the old fashioned kind of guy I am...I like to call a spade a spade.

[monkey00]

Sooooo.......it appears that I'm not imagining things. To spawn ambiguity, we have all started using the words "haning out" and "chillin".

 

It just sucks cause it blurrs the lines between dating, booty-call, FWB, etc. even more. Now you don't know if you were enjoying a date or a FWB moment. lol

 

It does suck actually. I know several people in my social circle who are in the same dilemma (the ones that aren't are in relationships, luck them!). Girls having multiple guy friends or guys having multiple gal pals is also a commonality here in addition to STR's.

 

Funny thing is when you grow up, it's like you're in High School all over again....well until you hit your 30's and snap and finally see your wrinkles.

[kizik]

I think the term 'hanging out' has become the norm where I am. I'm in my mid 20's and here in NYC, there are so much picky people out here who aren't looking for anything serious. Don't get me wrong though, I am but not interested in rushing into anything with just anyone.

 

As much as I'd like to use the word 'date' and be upfront about it I've noticed that I don't. Often I've caught myself use the term 'hang out' and other girls I've gone out with 1on1 use the term also. Other times I'll just ask them out to lunch/dinner and the concept of date may or may not come to mind. I think the reason I do it is because of a subconscious effect to the ambiguity of how everyone else here is when it comes to 'dating, hanging out, getting coffee, chilling, having drinks, FWB, or whatever they want to call it'. Slapping the word date can almost be as bad as calling someone your SO, it seems girls around their 20's have more of an issue of feeling pressured about it being called a date.

 

Personally I don't have a problem with calling it a date, but since girls are the gatekeepers to exclusivity. Usually I let them label it whatever they want it to be. I think the dating landscape here has changed here quite a lot due to technology, proximity of meeting peers your age, building large social networks, and facebook/myspace.

 

Great post.

 

I asked a girl to "hang out" today for the exact reasons monkey00 has mentioned here. Girls tend to get uncomfortable when you call things "dates" and to simply ask someone if they want to "hang out" is non-committal in a good way.

 

This girl said sure, I asked her for her number and she gave it to me... now, the big question: would she have done that if she has a boyfriend?

 

The short answer, I'm sure is YES - since you're asking her to only "hang out," she might do so b/c it sounds innocent, even if she DOES have one. Sheesh, dating is confusing.

[ruggy]

Yeah, being in my mid 30's, I never got the "Hanging out", heck, even people MY age have caught on to this "hanging out" BS

 

When I go out with a woman it's a bonafide DATE. But some women don't like to call it that. They think you're proposing marriage when you ask them out on a date.

 

Call me old-fashioned. lol

 

I think they call it "hanging out" and not a date, because some people can "back peddle" and not want to call it a date. Yeah, kinda weird.

 

Yea, I never understood this. I tend to date older women. Within 2 - 4 years. Hoping they are most secure in themselves. She always wanted to hang out and spend time. It just did not seem right. I can hang out with my friends. I want to DATE you not HANG OUT with you. This woman was in her mid 30s. None the less, it did no go far. Seems some people want different things from different people. Weird.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Wow. Just wow. So I guess that going on a "date" is too meaningful. It requires that one dress up, and make some effort in being appealing to the opposite sex. It also means that yes, I am interested in you. I like you. That opens me up rejection, I suppose. But then again, all of our parents are divorced, right, so who wants to go down that path?

 

Oh, apparently going on a date is more meaningful than taking your clothes off and having sex. Does anyone else find this to be azz-backward?

 

 

I found those two NYT articles to be quite depressing and sad. No wonder there is so much depression. People need meaningful relationships. I'm not saying that being single is depressing and sad. I'm saying that this casual atmosphere is sad. It is shallow, and sad. It's like there are no rules at all, so no one knows where they stand. People seem to only think what is in it for them, not how they can be a good partner for someone else.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Also, I think the guy should have won that contest. I thought his essay was better than hers.

[Bells]

Wow. Just wow. So I guess that going on a "date" is too meaningful. It requires that one dress up, and make some effort in being appealing to the opposite sex. It also means that yes, I am interested in you. I like you. That opens me up rejection, I suppose. But then again, all of our parents are divorced, right, so who wants to go down that path?

 

Oh, apparently going on a date is more meaningful than taking your clothes off and having sex. Does anyone else find this to be azz-backward?

 

 

I found those two NYT articles to be quite depressing and sad. No wonder there is so much depression. People need meaningful relationships. I'm not saying that being single is depressing and sad. I'm saying that this casual atmosphere is sad. It is shallow, and sad. It's like there are no rules at all, so no one knows where they stand. People seem to only think what is in it for them, not how they can be a good partner for someone else.

 

Yea, it all boils down to the common denominator of selfishness.

 

They only make the rules when it suits them.

[Strawberry Fields]

Haha... I just posted a situation regarding this question before. This guy I'm currently interested in first stated he wanted to "take me out on a date" (dinner and a movie) but hasn't. Instead, he's askes me to "hang out," which means meeting up with a group of friends or going to his house and watching a movie. We're both in our early 20s.

 

With everyone I've dated previously we have always "hung out". It wasn't until after we were official that we started to go on dates instead of "hanging out".

 

It sucks though. Hanging out is so casual and uninteresting compared to going out on dates.

 

 

I think this has been mentioned on prior threads here before but I am in my 30s and have noticed when talking/seeing men in their 20s that they often ask to "hang out" rather than date. This seems so weird to me. What happened to going out to dinner and a movie?

 

Is this something other people have seen? Am I just meeting the wrong type of guys?

 

So ladies and guys in your 20's, do you still go on dates?

[MeMyself&I]

I just hate that you don't know where you stand. I mean like I said earlier. Did I just "hang out" this weekend or was it a FWB thing, etc?

 

I know people have tried to define it, but what's the difference of hanging out if it's a date and FWB??? Grrrr............I don't get it.

 

The last guy balked when I mentioned a movie (He's 25) but was all for just hangin out. Does that mean he's only interested in sex or under the new rules of dating he wants dating under the hanging out label. I'm confused.

 

The guy mentioned girls don't want the label of a date either. Well that is geared toward the 20-something year old girls right? Cause as a women in my 30's I feel like I just want a date for christ sakes..........doesn't mean I want to play house or marry you.

 

We are redefining the dating "rules" and it's going to trickle down from generation to generation until like someone said earlier nobody commits.....they just hang out. How is that going to affect the social structure of a modern family???? I hope I can instill better dating etiquette in my kids than this.

 

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to dis the 20 year old crowd but to me it seems a matter of respect toward a woman. And maybe the women go along with it so I'm not just pointing the finger at the guys but it's like the roles of men and women are all intertwined, messed up and undefined. It's a free-for-all.

[monkey00]

Anyone who's anyone in their 20's that has traditional values (even if they come from small towns/states) in terms of dating, courting, relationships, and friendships will be brainwashed by the time they arrive in NY.

 

Don't get me wrong, I still have those old values of mine when I grew up. But being in this kind of atmosphere with the type of attitude people have regarding 'dating/hanging out' changes you and forces you to adapt to a different mindset. I don't get (emotionally) attached to any single person as I used to, and find I've taken a more laid back approach to dating.

 

I think because of a lot of this, I'm often more inclined to date older women because they're more grounded (not all are). I have male/female co-workers/friends in their early 30's who are still in a relationship, but are uninterested in getting married at the moment.

 

If anything I'd say this is a very new phenomenon of the millennium. And an evolution or de-evolution of the courting methods of the sexes depending how you look at it.

[Bells]

I just hate that you don't know where you stand. I mean like I said earlier. Did I just "hang out" this weekend or was it a FWB thing, etc?

 

I know people have tried to define it, but what's the difference of hanging out if it's a date and FWB??? Grrrr............I don't get it.

 

The last guy balked when I mentioned a movie (He's 25) but was all for just hangin out. Does that mean he's only interested in sex or under the new rules of dating he wants dating under the hanging out label. I'm confused.

 

The guy mentioned girls don't want the label of a date either. Well that is geared toward the 20-something year old girls right? Cause as a women in my 30's I feel like I just want a date for christ sakes..........doesn't mean I want to play house or marry you.

 

We are redefining the dating "rules" and it's going to trickle down from generation to generation until like someone said earlier nobody commits.....they just hang out. How is that going to affect the social structure of a modern family???? I hope I can instill better dating etiquette in my kids than this.

 

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to dis the 20 year old crowd but to me it seems a matter of respect toward a woman. And maybe the women go along with it so I'm not just pointing the finger at the guys but it's like the roles of men and women are all intertwined, messed up and undefined. It's a free-for-all.

 

LOL...maybe that's my problem with soem women I ask out, I ask them out on a date (or "would you like me to take you out to dinner? Which IS a date or "Mind if you could join me for a drink?" a phrase that def. suggests its a date) ...not to "hang out"

 

I used to do the "hang out" thing though, but it's kind of sappy to do that, and I think it's sappy when guys do it too...they have a motive when they do it as well.

 

They say, "Hang out" because they are afraid to call it a date, because it'll scare the woman off, and if they use "hang out" this will provide them the opportunity to be AROUND her...otherwise....he'll screw up that opportunity to be in her presence if he says it's a date

[monkey00]

 

I think because of a lot of this, I'm often more inclined to date older women because they're more grounded (not all are). I have male/female co-workers/friends in their early 30's who are still in a relationship, but are uninterested in getting married at the moment.

 

 

Those two statements at the top are not related to each other by the way. The latter was an example of the growing trend of individuals who are interested in being non-committal/tied down.

[MeMyself&I]

Those two statements at the top are not related to each other by the way. The latter was an example of the growing trend of individuals who are interested in being non-committal/tied down.

 

The point is one doesn't know what they want from somebody right away. Sure you may know you don't want serious or on the other hand casual in your life right now. But until you get to know someone they should always be considered as a "perspective" anything/something. Someone may change your mind one way or the other.

 

You don't know how you will click with somebody. I think a lot of men and women let the bad experience of the "fatal attraction" syndrome motivate how they go into relationships right now.

 

It's been said on here many times, keep your own life, interests and independence at the beginning of a relationship. It doesn't have to right away be the end all and be all to your existence.

 

But with the lines so blurry now you almost feel directed to be that crazy person and say where the h#ll do we stand. Because I have no frickin' idea! lol

 

And that's the very statement that enforces a man or woman backing away from the person who says that and (hangin out). Then you say "chill, dude. we were only hangin' out. we never even dated". It's a catch 20. Keep 'em guessin' and when they question it........chalk em up to being crazy bit#hes!! lol

[kizik]

I asked a girl to "hang out" today for the exact reasons monkey00 has mentioned here. Girls tend to get uncomfortable when you call things "dates" and to simply ask someone if they want to "hang out" is non-committal in a good way.

 

This girl said sure, I asked her for her number and she gave it to me... now, the big question: would she have done that if she has a boyfriend?

 

The short answer, I'm sure is YES - since you're asking her to only "hang out," she might do so b/c it sounds innocent, even if she DOES have one. Sheesh, dating is confusing.

 

OK, sorry to quote myself, but can someone give me an opinion on this one?

[Lakers5peat09]

I feel that I am also old fashioned. I like to take females on real 1-on-1 dates at first. It lets them know right away that you're interested. If things go well, you take them on another, then you start "hanging out". When you ask one to hang out, you are leaving the door open to the friend zone. Unfortunately, a lot of females seem to not want committment, or say they don't. They would rather hang out on their own terms and with friends than go on an actual date. I think it's really lame personally. When you are hanging out with them and other friends, the opportunities to be alone with them are rare, so you feel pressured to make a move or ask them out on a date before you are thrown into being a friend and nothing more. I think the whole thing is a complete joke.

[Saxis]

OK, sorry to quote myself, but can someone give me an opinion on this one?

 

You would hope she doesn't hand her number out to guys while she's in a relationship. That's pretty sketchy behavior. If she does, I'd say you were back-burnered and perhaps her current relationship is on the fritz, or she's a two-timing ho.

 

Either way, probably not something you want to get involved with...

[kizik]

You would hope she doesn't hand her number out to guys while she's in a relationship. That's pretty sketchy behavior. If she does, I'd say you were back-burnered and perhaps her current relationship is on the fritz, or she's a two-timing ho.

 

Either way, probably not something you want to get involved with...

 

Or maybe she's single?

[Saxis]

the big question: would she have done that if she has a boyfriend?

 

 

How does that work?

 

Having your cake and eating it too?!

[kizik]

You confuse me, but it seems like you are saying that if she's a good, decent person, she wouldn't have give me that number unless she was single.

 

Do I have you right?

[Saxis]

You confuse me, but it seems like you are saying that if she's a good, decent person, she wouldn't have give me that number unless she was single.

 

Do I have you right?

 

Yes, since you specifically asked if she would hand out her number with a boyfriend. I could understand giving her number to coworkers, family friends etc... Not guys that she is meeting for the first time.

[kizik]

Thanks for your opinion, Saxis. It gives me a better grip on things. I'm "new" to the dating world after having been in an LTR. So, thanks.

[MeMyself&I]

You confuse me, but it seems like you are saying that if she's a good, decent person, she wouldn't have give me that number unless she was single.

 

Do I have you right?

 

I would never give my number out to hang with a guy IF I had a boyfriend. If I had preexisting guy friends before my boyfriend that is different and still a little sketchy.

 

If I hit it off with him in any way I would introduce him to my boyfriend and suggest something with all of us or nothing at all. Of course that being if he only saw me as a friend too. If he is interested in anything else, it would probably end there for him as well.

 

I would have to say she's single. If she's not and she has a boyfriend, you will start to see a pattern that will give you the hint that she is seeing someone else too and then tell her to get her cheating butt out of your life.

 

BUT

 

Man lets give her the benefit of the doubt. It kinda amazes me we even have to question someone's/her motives like this. How SAD!

[kizik]

Man lets give her the benefit of the doubt. It kinda amazes me we even have to question someone's/her motives like this. How SAD!

 

Haha, it's not that I'm cynical, it's that I'm NAIVE. I haven't asked a girl out in a looong time.

[MeMyself&I]

So what is the scenario as far as steps in a relationship nowadays? If a guy wants to hang out, how do you differentiate that from the FWB or Booty Call (I've kind of already asked this I know) I just haven't gotten a straight answer.

 

If you hang out with a guy and get to know him after a while and then give in and sleep with him........isn't that a lot like FWB?

 

I hung out with the guy I've been "seeing" 4 times and talked to him on and off some during that time. I slept with him the 4th time. I'm thinking I'm a booty-call or FWB at least that would be my interpretation under "traditional" dating rules. But under the new "hang out" don't date rules it seems I fit this definition too.

 

Wow! I'm confused!

[Itsnotme]

I just hate that you don't know where you stand. I mean like I said earlier. Did I just "hang out" this weekend or was it a FWB thing, etc?

 

I know people have tried to define it, but what's the difference of hanging out if it's a date and FWB??? Grrrr............I don't get it.

 

The last guy balked when I mentioned a movie (He's 25) but was all for just hangin out. Does that mean he's only interested in sex or under the new rules of dating he wants dating under the hanging out label. I'm confused.

 

The guy mentioned girls don't want the label of a date either. Well that is geared toward the 20-something year old girls right? Cause as a women in my 30's I feel like I just want a date for christ sakes..........doesn't mean I want to play house or marry you.

 

We are redefining the dating "rules" and it's going to trickle down from generation to generation until like someone said earlier nobody commits.....they just hang out. How is that going to affect the social structure of a modern family???? I hope I can instill better dating etiquette in my kids than this.

 

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to dis the 20 year old crowd but to me it seems a matter of respect toward a woman. And maybe the women go along with it so I'm not just pointing the finger at the guys but it's like the roles of men and women are all intertwined, messed up and undefined. It's a free-for-all.

 

You are so right and I hate it. All this 'hanging out' really is, is just leaving the back door open. It's like "well, we'll hang out but if something better comes along in the meantime then thats fine because we're only hanging out". To me, it's a cop out.

 

I want to be asked out, I want to have a good date, know at the end of the night if we're going to see eachother again and if we are, not 'hang out' with others in the meantime. Well, not sexually anyway.

 

To me its like permanent window shopping and being to afraid to make a real purchase. I simply hate it, but then as I said in a previous post on this thread, I'm 43 and all of this is new to me. Trust me, it was so much easier in my day.