Cora Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 What is the norm when it comes to texting and calling if there even is a norm? I know everyone is different. I haven't dated very much but the few guys I have dated lived by texting alone. I never understood why they asked for my number just to text me? It was okay with me, but I just found it a bit odd that they would NEVER call. Do guys prefer to text? Also they would never even text that much. It was only usually to make or cancel plans. Never a hey how are you kind of thing between dates. We would also of course talk online some nights but during the work week there was never a text sent to even say hello. One guy did however call me the first night we were to meet up just to say he was in traffic but would be there shortly. That was the ONE and ONLY time he ever used the phone to call instead of text. My other question is is it okay for the girl to text a guy she is seeing during the week just to say hi and make chit chat? Do you guys find this annoying? I guess it varies with everyone but a couple of guys I have dated could go for a week without a single text. One of the guys would only usually text me on Friday to see if we could schedule a date for the weekend. During the week he was busy with work and all and I would most likely not hear a word from him except the occassional nights we would catch each other online. I have initiated conversation through text before with a guy but for some reason I just don't feel right doing so. I always feel like if they have enough time and like me enough to think about me every now and then they can contact me. Whenever I would text a guy first I would think he is probably saying oh god there she is texting me....what could she possibly want? Or wow she is annoying. Something along those lines. I don't know maybe I'm overthinking here but what are you guys views on the girl texting the guy first? Sometimes I have just felt like calling those guys who only text just to see if they would actually pick up their phone. So tell me if you are dating someone, how often should you be communicating? Does it depend on the level of interest as well or how long you have been dating? Is talking to them only once a week out of the ordinary? I guess I have either just been dating loser guys, ones who aren't really that interested in me, or they just don't like to communicate? I have no clue? I'm asking because it seems like a lot of my friends who have dated or are currently dating are calling or texting the guys they are seeing constantly. They at least communicate with them through some form or fashion once a day. Is this how it should be? This would be very helpful to know for future reference. Thanks!
BannaBee57 Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Good questions Cora. I can only speak from my experience, but it seems like most guys prefer texting over calling. I am kind of at odds with this myself. With the latest guy I have been "hanging out with" he had intiated little texting convo's for 11 days straight and called a few times in that period. The calls were to confirm where we were meeting, to call me back after I called him, and then once to ask me a question about something. So you see, they were never to just chit chat. However, today I texted him and we just had some randon chit chat and then he texted me a joke which I replied to with a . Then it just faded after that. Texting is easy (some may say lazy) and low pressure. That's why guys (and girls alike) use this form of communication. It's easy to save face by just sending out a text, as oppose to calling and actually having to make conversation spur of the moment. With all that being said, I don't think you texting a guy mid-week to see how he's doing is going to be annoying to him. Just don't go overboard. Guys like to know girls are thinking about them too. I think the amount of communication is a lot of the times dependent on what stage of dating you are in. First few dates would probably be just contacting the other person to set up another date, but after that, communication natually increases with level of interest and comfort. And by all means, if you feel like calling just to see what's up then go for it! Now I just wish I could take my own advice
BeautifulMan Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I am beginning to resent texting but usually it's convenient and allows me to multitask so I may use it too much. As you can see in my previous thread, it can also backfire. As for saying "Hi how you doin' " every once in a while should be fine unless he doesn't like you.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I'd rather talk to someone on the phone, but the women I've met lately prefer texting - it's actually very annoying.
jayOG Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 one in the morning, one in the day, and a call at night.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I never text unless the guy I'm interested in initiates first. I can text with my friends and joke around, but when it comes to people I'm dating, I feel like I'm doing something wrong if I text them and not get a reply back. I'm pretty much like you, I don't get calls from guys unless they're calling for dates or to confirm where we're meeting up. I find it a bit of a nuisance being placed in a position to think that I'm not worth a call just to say hi.
paddington bear Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 interesting topic...funny I was talking to a friend a while ago and she said back when she was a teenager there was no mobile phones, internet etc (well likewise for me) and guys would have to call, and that she hated this text message business. I guess guys in general aren't the 'let's have a long chat on the phone' types. That's what women do with women. Once you're in a relationship with one that might change. But yeah, I mean I recently went on a date, it took I don't know how many emails and text messages to set up, and since then there's only been email contact re: the next date. I find it all a bit impersonal and yeah lazy. It also slows down real communication which means the whole getting to know you dating process drags on for longer. I no longer initiate text messages in the early stages of dating. I used to, but now I feel it's the same as calling a guy too often. If he wants to send more than a 'I'm sorry I'm late text message' I will gladly reply and have fun with that, otherwise I feel like I'm pushing for more communication than he wants.
MeMyself&I Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 The guy I've been communicating with is 25. Doesn't text OR call much. But if he does contact me it seems he prefers to call. So I find the results on this thread inconsistent cause I have a couple other guy friends that like calls better too. They are like "it's called a cell phone and phones are for calling!" lol That's not to say they all want to have long drug-out conversations but men tend to be task oriented and want things done. Calling is more direct. So I don't know what the answer is. Like Cora said, depends on the guy I guess.
alphamale Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 texting is fine early on but then as the relationship progresses there should be a transition to more phone calls
Lindarose84 Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I actually responded to a thread on texting a while ago and I really think the only answer anyone can give is "it depends." Some guys are full on texters and some guys actually like to call and chit-chat (not only just to make pre-sex plans). The last guy I dated did both (called and texted) and he did them WAY too much. I'm not phone person altogether (calling or texting) so it became too much when I was hearing from him more than 2 times a day. I took that as a sign that I didn't really like him (either that, or he was just really annoying). One, I'm more of a face to face person and two, I like my personal space so any guy I date will get wind of that through our conversations and adapt accordingly. You should do the same for the guy you're seeing. I think you need to feel it out and see where your particular relationship stands- there are no hard and fast rules. If you two like each other, I think the communication will be flowing normally as it should and you won't need to even question whether you're texting too much or too little- it should just "feel right" based on what you know and how you feel about the other person.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 There's always emails Oh don't get me started on emails. I recently emailed my guy that i wished he a good weekend. I got a reply back today with a oneliner, thanks and a smiley face. That says so much doesn't it?
Shock Me Sane Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I agree that texting is fine early on, but there should be a transition to phone calls if the relationship gets more serious. With guys I'm casually dating, I generally get a "Hey, what are you doing?" text one to three times a week. Usually they're just to make plans for another time or arrange going out that night. I don't generally chit chat in text messages. Any more than three times a week and I start to get annoyed. I don't really think it's acceptable to be texting everyday with someone you just met. I need space, dude. A call where you get to hear the other person's voice is a great surprise when it does actually happen.
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