lonelypiscesguy Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 At this point, I just the pain to finally go away. I hate this. This HURTS, physically. I cannot stop thinking and wondering about her and is she going through this, as well. It has been 4 days since she said she wants no contact and I don't really get why she is that pissed over a youtube username, no, nothing directed at her or about her, just a derogatory remark about a hated football teams players. I'm really just venting here, but I haven't felt this way about a woman (i.e. been in love) in over 10 years. I knew it wouldn't work out long term for us, I knew it was a matter of time before one of us pulled the trigger, and I knew it would most likely be her to say "I quit". I've thought about posting here on LS a side-by-side comparison of what our faults and flaws were, but what would that accomplish? I still don't think I was THAT bad, but I guess bad is subjective. I guess there are some women that are wrapped tight enough to break up with someone for farting and/or burping! I noticed we quickly run out of things to talk about when we were together but could talk for an hour or two on the phone every night. Why do I still want her back? She broke up with me when I was willing to address my "selfishness" and really work on it, I meant it. And she is the one that basically said we can't be friends anymore, either. Why would I want to beat a dead-horse relationship? Am I desperate? Do I have abandonment issues? Too needy? These are the issues I really need to address, because I still don't think I'm THAT selfish. But there is the paradox, can a selfish person realize his own selfishness? Anyway, sorry to take up cyber space with this drivel, but I'm not doing well today, still miss her and wish we could talk things over and start things over and do it right this time. I know, not gonna happen. Especially with her, when she is done, she is done. Take care, all
WTRanger Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 The whole user name thing is really quite simple, at least the way I've thought about it. Maybe this isn't the case but this is my take on it. The user name was offensive, sure it wasn't directed at her, but it was still offensive. So in effect the negative user name completely erased anything you may have written as she was already in a negative mindset before she even read it. I put myself in her shoes. Say a girl that I cared about had a user name "I_LUV_MY_EXS_BIG_C*CK". I really don't care what she wrote, even telling me her absolute undying love and 100% life commitment to me and that she'd cook and sex me up for the rest of my life. Don't care. The user name alone put me in one bad mood. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, you are just going through the normal stages of a break up. You obviously care(d) about this girl, so it's hard. If it were easy, then she meant nothing to you. Stay the course on no contact if that is her wish. But, as soul bear put it in an amazing post, don't use the no contact as a game for her to love you more. Use it for yourself, as your healing process. No contact isn't a game.
Author lonelypiscesguy Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 She did say she didn't care if using the username was a mistake or not.
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