xxSRMxx Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Ive visited this forum a few times before and not said anything, I get some comfort from reading these posts. So i suppose i'll tell u my story. I have decided to end a ''relationship'' and have absoluetly no contact with a guy who ive fallen head over heels in love with, and the reason being mainly that Hes a commitment phobe, big time! Hes 23 and has never had a ''relationship'' Hes gorgeous, loves female attention and is an incredible flirt. He has bags of confidence and thats why i was attracted to him. ''We'' started off as a bit of fun really, Id see him out and we'd have a flirt etc. We have alot of mutual friends,Then i slept with him, Im not one for one night stands but i still wasnt bothered about having a relationship with him or anything. it was just some fun. Then we started dating, going out for meals, spending loads of time together, I started staying at his often, my best friend described me as the happiest she'd ever seen me. His best friend told me he'd never seen his friend like it with another girl before and that he has feelings for me. ****, he even called me his girlfriend to somebody. I never admited it to anybody, not even him. But everyday i was falling for him more and more even though i promised myself not to get too emotionally attatched. We were having fun, then one friday night a few weeks ago he decided he wanted 2 ignore me all night and flirt with a girl right infront of me, all our mutual friends were there and I have never felt so small in my life. We had an argument that night, he couldnt see what he was doing wrong and how disrespectful it was. We didnt speak for a couple of days. He finally gets in touch, says its best to just be friends. I agreed. I thought we'd be okay as friends. But nothing changed, we were still going out, texting all day, sleeping together, having fun as u do. But i knew he was texting other girls, meeting up with them too, he lied and said he wasnt, but I knew. I started to become angry with myself that I would put up with this from somebody. Ive had relationships before and been crapped on a fair few times, I didnt need this from him, but i have still continued to allow myself to be around him. I have never told him how much I do love him, He would run a mile. So i dealt with the pain of loving somebody who really didnt love me back. Wednesday was the last time we had us time, we watched a film he sat stroking my hair and just being generally lovely. But I seen him in the club last night, and he was offish with me. Everybody has said to me how I can do much better and that hes an ass but i didnt listen but last night after being made to feel so small AGAIN, I decided there and then that I cant do it anymore and need to break contact with him. My heart is breaking so bad, and the sad thing about it is, he'll never realise quite how much he means to me. Im quite good when it comes to the not textin/calling thing, I've never liked the idea of being branded a ''stalker'' but I can actually feel my heart aching..Im a strong girl but hes broken me down. and he doesnt even realise.
darksky Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Ahh i hate situations like this.. its happened to me before with a coupla ex girlfriends. Trust me your doing the right thing by letting him go. Dont contact him (no texts calls or anything). Although it will be hard I think your only option is to walk away and forget about him before you get even more hurt. He's clearly not showing you that he wants an exclusive relationship with you, which means you either let him use you, or just move on.. and chances are once he sees that you not interested anymore he will then start showing more interest, then you need to tell him thats its all or nothing. The guy also sounds like a bit of a "player".. do you really want to be with someone who is texting/seeing other girls too? Nope! Get rid move on and dont look back. Hope it works out.
Author xxSRMxx Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Thanks for your feedback it is much appreciated and kinda bought a tear to my eye! He called me yesterday afternoon just chatting away like were the best of friends or something, He said to me ''the last couple of weeks uv been really annoying me'' I just laughed and said I was upset about something else, I just cannot bring myself to tell him that hes the one that causes me all the pain. I know I shouldnt have answered but im still in the weak stages! he ended the conversation with ''I'll ring u later on'' He never did call.... I havent texed him or rang him since and I'm not sure if hes rang me either as I'm having problems with my sim card at the moment. Im in the process of changing my number over so its a good thing, He wont be getting the new number. I still think about him before I go to bed and hes the first thing I think about when I wake up and im still hurting. I've kinda decided aswell to have alot of time to myself, spend more time with my family, rather than partying with my friends, going 2 clubs where im going to see him, drink myself into stupidity and then wake up with a bitch of a hangover and end up feeling depressed all day.
darksky Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Yeah the last thing you need is to be going out where he is.. thats like punishing yourself. When my ex did this to me I would see her out in clubs and it really killed me to see her being chatted up by guys, it was like she was twisting the knife right in front of me.. you dont need that right now. It is a good thing that you need a new sim.. gives you the prefect chance to make a clean break. The worst part for you is probably knowing that he is causing you all this pain and he is probably oblivious to it (either that or he is so selfish he just doesnt care). Now is definately not a good time for hangovers.. I went down that route of going out with the lads everynight drinking way to much and the next day was an emotional battle. If you can go out and not drink too much (something which i find difficult) then thats the best answer. But spending time around family and good friends doing things other than drinking and clubbing is whats needed. Hang in there and keep me posted and know that your not alone in feeling like this.. ive been going no contact with my ex who cheated on me for a month and im feeling loads better now, but it still hurts everyday and probably will for a little while longer. Some days are better than others but in time everything will be great again
Cinnamon777 Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I'm so, so sorry that you are in such pain. I think you did the right thing to let him go, even though it's going to be tough to emotionally detach. I had a situation where I had to leave someone I loved very much. If they are not willing to focus their energy and love on just you then they are not ready to be in a relationship at the time with you. Being involved with him and watching him touch, flirt, tease another right in front of you is torchurous. It's very disrespectful of him! I would avoid contact with him at least until you can heal your heart some. It will be hard since you seem to socialize in the same place, however, I would imagine your friends would be willing to do something different with you and support your efforts to move on. With time, you will feel good about this decision. For now, it's good to reach out to people here on LS to get support and lean on your friends to help distract you. Big Hugs to you!!
Author xxSRMxx Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Thank u for ya post. Bought a tear to my eye again!! Day 2 of NC, Today is really crap. I seemed to be more optimistic yesterday, I think its because he hasnt been in touch either today just confirms he is def seeing someone else. I went to TGI's with my mom today for Lunch, i realised when we sat down that its where me n him had our first date, well that just made things worse. Spent most of the meal being quiet, even looking at the menu what i remember he ate and drank and everything. We had such a good nite that nght. I Could feel my eyes starting to fill up, I held back though! This just is ****!
Nedved Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I know how you feel. everything reminds me of my ex. I drove by the bar today that we had our first drink and chat and a deep sadness came over me. Even glanced down the street that i walked her home to her old apartment that night!! Such and nice evening. maybe its just best to see and visit these places and get it over and done with. Its not their bars or restaurants and we can always go their with somebody special in the future to make some new memories.
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