bobrobert Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 I'd really appreciate some feed back on my recent breakup. I had been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years. I came into the relationship only 2 months after breaking up with my first real love. It began as a bit of a fling, developed into a long distance relationship and eventually we became close, living together, going travelling together and making plans for the future. I was her first real boyfriend. We always had our little arguments and she could make me quite unhappy (and probably vice versa) but I stuck with it for the good times and because we loved each other. I felt like I was finally a figure of support in her life; her family thanked me for being ther for her. Her mother died when she was young and her father is notable in his absence. After a year together, she no longer cried herself to sleep and I couldn't bear to see her hurt anymore. Last week I was visiting my girlfriend after a weekend away to find her in tears. She eventually told me she had cheated on me that saturday night, got drunk (her drinking was often a problem) spent the night talking to a boy and things went on etc etc etc. She was willing to go through all the gory deals I asked her and thought I needed (a-la Clive Owen did in Closer - only done in a car and with less shouting) I said I needed to go away and think about things. The next day she phoned me to say she felt we should break up, no tears, no emotion from her at all. I hadn't yet decided what I wanted to do and felt it wasn't her right to have a say about breaking up. She said it wasn't working but said she didn't cheat on me to sabatage the relationship. I felt it was a real double blow, I felt she was doing it to vindicate herself, ending the relationship and making it possible for her to tell her friends we broke up because she called time on things which i feel is unfair. I want her to feel remorse, I want her to feel so sorry for what she's done to me, i want her to want my forgiveness (I know that's very primal but there you go) I just want some real emotion from her to know that I'm not the only one who's life had been turned over. I feel betrayed and hurt and humiliated. The thought that she clearly didn't care that much about me at all (she said she did think of me when she was cheating - obviously not enough to stop it though) I am supposed to talk to her but I don't know what to say, or really what she would say. The thought of small talk makes me angry but at the same time i feel that after almost 3 years we should talk about something! My friends never really understood her nor it turns out liked her very much so i'm not sure who to talk to, can anyone help me with this muddle of emotions? Thank you.
boogieboy Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Completely ignoring her will hurt her more than anything if thats what you really wanna do. Plus really, you dont owe her any small talk. If she doesnt want to tell you why she broke up with you, or if she wants to reconcile, thats the only reasons to talk to her.
skreen23 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 The first few days after the break-up you're not going to be very rational, just take a few days or maybe a few weeks to gather your thoughts and then decide if you even want to meet her for small talk. Unless you did something fecked up you are the injured party here and she needs to make it up to you. Also the friends not liking her should say something to you, unless your friends are gob****es.
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