Flamenco81 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Hey. I met this girl at an online dating site. We exchanged a few messages and we agreed we had a lot in common. On the last message which was last Monday she told me our messages were getting very long and I should call her and gave me her number. So I called her the next day and we talked and agreed to meet on Thursday night. We went to have dinner, we talked there for a long while, then we headed out and I walked her home. On the way there it started to rain and I had no umbrella so we both used hers and got close and she joked with things like "see you get to hold me on our first date" and things like that. When we got to her place we just had a kiss on the cheek and a hug. I sent her a text on Friday saying I had a good time and hopefully we could do something on the weekend. She answered back soon and said she had a good time too and that we'd talk on the weekend. So now we come to today (Sunday). I called her at about noon, we chatted a little and we agreed to meet for brunch and then see a movie. We got together, had brunch then went to the movie. I didn't make any moves at the movie because it seems weird on those recliner chairs. There's no room for casual contact. So after we were walking out and I asked "so now what?" and she said "ugh, I actually have to do errands. sorry. I think I will go to the office to do some work also for tomorrow because I am very backed up". So we went out and she was going back to her place so we just said goodbye there. And this was at 4pm. We kissed on the cheek, hugged and she said "we'll talk soon right?". And I said "definitely". But I just felt it ended very fast. I was planning on trying to kiss her today, but it was weird timing, being like mid afternoon out there in the middle of the street and the goodbye was very fast. So now I am wondering where I stand. I mean I think there is still a chance but on the 3rd date something HAS to happen. So what are your suggestions? Should I call her tomorrow night, or wait until Tuesday night??? I was thinking planning on going to get a coffee and walk around Central Park on Wednesday. Should I try and do something like hold her hand on the 3rd date (if it happens hopefully)? I'd definitely try and kiss her, but I want to see what other stuff I could do during the date to sort of step it up a little.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 "so now what?" Bad, bad, bad. You came up with a liner that gave her an opening to leave early. Did you not plan out the date? I would give a day or two to call her back so it won't feel like you're coming on too strong.
zilverenvlinder Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 I agree with papercut. When you said "So now what?" she probably got the impression you were getting bored, she didn't want to bore you because she wanted you to think she was interesting, so she made up an excuse and left. Exactly what I would have done. I wouldn't stress too much and I think she does like you, because she met up with you for a 2nd. But I disagree with papercut when she said you were coming on too strong. I know you didn't make a move but I personally think you should call her or text her with something sweet. "You looked beautiful today " always works for me.
JeezLouise Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 It sounds like it's going just fine. How do YOU feel about it? Do YOU think that she likes you, or is feeling pressured by you, or wants you to call her, or wants to kiss you, or is picking out china patterns? You know far better than we do about how it FEELS. Dating is supposed to be fun - not all of this worry! Call tomorrow if you think you want to, or wait until Tuesday. You know, you can call just to chat about life and living; it doesn't have to be with a goal in mind of getting a date. (But do have a few ideas of what to chat about in mind!)
xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 I agree with papercut. When you said "So now what?" she probably got the impression you were getting bored, she didn't want to bore you because she wanted you to think she was interesting, so she made up an excuse and left. Exactly what I would have done. I wouldn't stress too much and I think she does like you, because she met up with you for a 2nd. But I disagree with papercut when she said you were coming on too strong. I know you didn't make a move but I personally think you should call her or text her with something sweet. "You looked beautiful today " always works for me. I question her real intentions at leaving that early. But I could be wrong. There are girls who like a text after a date that lets them know the guy is interested, and then there are the girls who prefer to receive contact a few days afterwards so the guy wouldn't be coming on too strong. It's really hard to tell right now since it's only been the second date. I would say if she accepts a third date, then it's solid to say that she likes him.
Author Flamenco81 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 Hey. Thanks for the opinions. Yeah, maybe the "now what" sounded stupid. The thing was before the movie started she said "the coffee didn't help me at all, I am still tired" because she had a late night. So then I said "well we could get another one after this". And she said "I wish, but I have to do laundry and errands and work". So when we got out I said the "what do you want to do now" thing to see if maybe she brought up the coffee thing or something. But she just reconfirmed that she had things to do tonight. So zilverenvlinder, I like your advice about the text message. I had told her when we said hello that she looked nice. Will it sound dumb if I sent a message saying something similar now? What would be a nice thing to just send her now to make her feel good and definitely let her know I was not bored or anything.
Author Flamenco81 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 zilverenvlinder, I just remembered I had complemented her on her converse shoes. And she laughed and said her friends teased her that she was dressing like a guy because she wore sneakers and hooded sweatshirts but she wanted to be comfortable. So Maybe says something related to that?
JeezLouise Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 "Passed a guy on the street today wearing Converses, but he surely didn't look as cute as you!"
Author Flamenco81 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 JeezLouise, thanks for the tip. I used it, and just changed it a bit. She instantly responded and said "LOL. Thanks". Should I leave it at that, or now say somthing else like "look forward to seeing you again soon" or something like that?
JeezLouise Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 "Hope you are caught up at work and that Monday is a good day. Talk soon." And then maybe leave it for the night, unless she really responds with a question. Women LIKE to be pursued, and we LIKE to know that we are on someone's mind. (Unless you are a stalker) Most of us really like the random text that lets us know that someone in the world is remembering us fondly and likes our sneakers.
Author Flamenco81 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 And just to answer your questions, I do like her. I think she's nice and interesting. I think that is actually the problem. That now that I am getting into her more and more then it makes me worry more about how things are going. I know I should not worry and let things happen, but it;s inevitable to stress and think about what she feels. I think she must like me somehow. Because I've had several dates with girls I've met at the dating site before, and when they were not interested they all pretty much let me know that or stopped contact after the first date. So the fact that we went on the 2nd and she answers my texts fast is positive for me. Like I know if we kiss and start getting closer I can be relaxed and it will all be great. It's just this stage of the game that I hate because of the uncertainty.
JeezLouise Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Adding. I went out on a date once with a guy, that was just plain weird. He was a chiropractor - but that's a whole different story. Anyway, he called and asked me out again, and I hemmed and hawed and tried to make excuses, but he kept calling and I finally said yes. He was late, the whole thing was a fiasco, we ended up with Chinese take-out at my house. I got a phone call from my mom, so I excused myself (he was watching a movie) and went up the stairs to my bedroom so that I answer my mom's questions about some chemo stuff where it was quiet and private. I turned around, and he was in my bedroom right behind me, saying "Why are you hiding up here?" Freaked me right out, and I very meanly told him to get out of my bedroom and to go back downstairs. Anyway, he finally left, and then started a barrage of texts for the next month. You know the canned ones that come pre-written on your cell? He used the "Call SO" about 6 times a day. I wasn't his SO!! So - there IS a limit to knowing that you are on someone's mind. but you sound like a thoughtful and responsive man, and you would be able to tell if she didn't like you at all.
missmich Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Bad, bad, bad. You came up with a liner that gave her an opening to leave early. Did you not plan out the date? Some of the best dates I've had recently have been unplanned.
Author Flamenco81 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 That's true, improvising sometimes is good. I had it planned. I was going to ask her if she wanted to go see the movie and then after we could walk around the city. But then when we were talking she said we could go have brunch and then see the movie at 2:30pm. So that changed things. And I honestly don't think the errands and work thing were excuses because she didn't make them up at the last second. But yeah, I want to make sure for the 3rd date we do something at night and that we have a more romantic setting like central park or something.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 That's true, improvising sometimes is good. I had it planned. I was going to ask her if she wanted to go see the movie and then after we could walk around the city. But then when we were talking she said we could go have brunch and then see the movie at 2:30pm. So that changed things. And I honestly don't think the errands and work thing were excuses because she didn't make them up at the last second. But yeah, I want to make sure for the 3rd date we do something at night and that we have a more romantic setting like central park or something. So you live in new york then? I wouldn't take her to the park if it gets too dark, but if it's still light out, take her to the swings, or on a horse drawn carriage ride. Sometimes a picnic would help as well, but once again I have to remind you that since she doesn't really know you very well, don't take her to the park after dark. Most girls are very guarded when it comes to being taken to the park when its dark outside. I remember when I went on a date with this one guy, he suggested taking me to the park on our first date. My alarm went up and I told him a firm no. Needless to say, I didn't talk to him again.
D-Lish Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Pull back now.... You text her she looked cute, that's fine, any more is going overboard. Less is better in the beginning. Honestly, no one can wage a guess as to how she feels. I can see positive and not so positive reactions on her part. positive: she accepted your last minute date, she did both bruch and a movie... negative: she set up her way out of the date before the date started (and her excuses were mundane tasks), she's not initiating any contact with you. I'd wait and see if she contacts you this week.
Author Flamenco81 Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 Yeah. I thought about the park at night thing. It is getting darker later now since summer is close, but maybe it'd be a little late for the park. So maybe just tell her if she wants to walk around the city and grab drinks. I'll pull back and call her until Tuesday night. In that sense she has been very good at answering calls. It seems to me no one in general ever answers calls and you have to leave voice mails. But she has always answered me. Si I'll wait until I know she's out of work Tuesday and call her and see how it goes. These next 2 days are going to be grueling though, I hate this waiting stuff.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Yeah. I thought about the park at night thing. It is getting darker later now since summer is close, but maybe it'd be a little late for the park. So maybe just tell her if she wants to walk around the city and grab drinks. I'll pull back and call her until Tuesday night. In that sense she has been very good at answering calls. It seems to me no one in general ever answers calls and you have to leave voice mails. But she has always answered me. Si I'll wait until I know she's out of work Tuesday and call her and see how it goes. These next 2 days are going to be grueling though, I hate this waiting stuff. And this is the part where I tell you " it's only been two dates, calm down!!!" Now go and do your own things. I find jogging to be very relaxing and time goes by fast when you're exhausted and you crash on your bed.
D-Lish Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 hmm, I'f you're calling Tuesday- give her notice for a date....For example, call Tuesday and ask if she's free Wednesday or Thursday. It's good form to give advanced notice.
Author Flamenco81 Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 Yeah, my plan is to call Tuesday to see about Wednesday or Thursday night. I know she likes cuban food, so I already know a good place to ask if she wants to go. Afterwards maybe walk around a little and we are still close enough to her place that I can walk her back. I know there are many factors involved, but would it be a good move to try and hold her hand when we are walking afterwards? Or is that too personal if we haven't kissed yet? I just feel it'd be a good step to build up to the kiss at the end.
czombie Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Yeah, my plan is to call Tuesday to see about Wednesday or Thursday night. I know she likes cuban food, so I already know a good place to ask if she wants to go. Afterwards maybe walk around a little and we are still close enough to her place that I can walk her back. I know there are many factors involved, but would it be a good move to try and hold her hand when we are walking afterwards? Or is that too personal if we haven't kissed yet? I just feel it'd be a good step to build up to the kiss at the end. Don't ask anything about where to go....just take her there, If she asks out of curiosity on the way then tell her, but don't say anything along the lines of "Is eating here fine with you", etc, etc...just assume it is. Don't try to hold her hand, If she's the type of girl who likes to wear converse shoes and hoodies then I doubt she's the hand holding type...If anything I might just throw my arm around her and give her a random peck on the cheek...no harm it that... Bro this 3rd date will be your last chance in building a relationship with her, so take a firm confident approach. I always go for a kiss on the first date, especially if I'm interested and I feel she is too, even if she's not I still go for a kiss....
JeezLouise Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I can't say I agree with just telling her where you are going for dinner. Or with not holding her hand while walking. I know plenty of converse and hoodie girls who hold hands; that isn't just for the girls wearing Mary Jane's and lace socks. But you know her best. Like in the first kiss thread - there will be times when you know it is the right time to do it. You'll feel it.
Author Flamenco81 Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 Hey CZombie. Yeah I know what you mean. This 3rd date will be crucial. I definitely have to go in for the kiss no matter what. I mean I know I have to feel out the mood, but I'd like to think it'll go well. Just to clarify, she's not totally a converse and hoodie type girl. She just says she wears that now because it's cold and she wants to be comfortable. But she is pretty girly and she says she wears dresses in the summer. It's just been to cold still for that here in NY. Today she was wearing a regular girly sweater. The hoodie was some other day that she says is when her friends had teased her about it.
Author Flamenco81 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Posted May 20, 2009 Hello. Ok, it is now Tuesday but I really need some help with the current situation. So as I had last left of we went to see a movie on Sunday (2nd date) and then we each went our way and at the end she said "let's talk soon". So then I had sent her that text message saying she looked cute and she replied instantly and said thanks. So then I just said "have a good day tomorrow, talk to you later". So then Monday I didn;t contact her at all to give some space. And now today, Tuesday, I waited until about 8pm when I know she's out of work and I called her to see about going out tomorrow for a 3rd, and crucial, date. The phone rang 6 times and went to voicemail. So I left a friendly massage asking how she was, that I wanted to see if she wanted to get together on Wednesday for some drinks or dinner, and to let me know. So it is now almost 9:30 amd she has not answered. I may be getting paranoid, but she usually answers my messages very fast. Also on the dating site were we met (eharmony) she hasn't closed our match or anything. So I know I have to wait now. But also the thing is I work in restaurants and I know starting Thursday I'll have several late nights so if we don;t get together tomorrow I'd be several days until I get another whole night off so I don;t want to let too much time pass. So my question is, if I don't hear from her by tomorrow afternoon, I know many of you will probably blast me for even asking this, but would it seem very desperate and bad if I just send her like a little text saying something like "so you want to get together tonight?". I just feel I really have to be more aggresive and assertive on this 3rd date. So would that message be out of line or not? I know I should just wait until she would come around to contacting me, but I really like her and I don;t want to just stop caring and stop contact and then have her maybe just start going out with someone else because I pulled back and didn't pursue her more.
D-Lish Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 So my question is, if I don't hear from her by tomorrow afternoon, I know many of you will probably blast me for even asking this, but would it seem very desperate and bad if I just send her like a little text saying something like "so you want to get together tonight?". I just feel I really have to be more aggresive and assertive on this 3rd date. So would that message be out of line or not? I know I should just wait until she would come around to contacting me, but I really like her and I don;t want to just stop caring and stop contact and then have her maybe just start going out with someone else because I pulled back and didn't pursue her more. Don't do it.... Don't send another text- YES, It would seem desperate. If she doesn't answer, take that as an answer she isn't interested and move on.
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