Tell me this isn't normal

[La de Longe]

I really can’t make sense of this situation. I’ll try to condense, but there’s a lot to say. He’s 20 and I’m 21, and we’re both juniors in college.

 

I met this guy beginning of freshmen year and by the end of the year I had fallen absolutely in love with him. Unfortunately, I never knew him well enough and was too shy to ever make anything of it and it remained nothing but unrequited love for over a year. Midway through sophomore year I noticed that he began to act sort strange around me. Staring from afar, difficulty making eye contact, couldn’t speak to me, etc. but at the time I still barely knew him and didn’t think much of it. Beginning of junior year it becomes really obvious that he’s into me. I ran into him at a party one evening and he runs up to me, engages me in conversation and then demands that I give him my number. I kind of played hard to get and didn’t show much interest, which was a huge mistake. I gave him my number, but didn’t think to ask for his. I see him a week later at another party and he completely blows me off. I’m hurt and don’t know what I think. He ignores me for another two weeks, but then goes back to staring longingly at me and the semester ends there.

 

This semester we end up taking a 12 person seminar together and I think “Yes, finally a chance to get to know him better,” but despite the fact that it’s clear that he likes me and I like him we still can’t move past the awkwardness. In late February, someone sneaks into my dorm late at night and writes an anonymous love message on my white board. Suspecting that it was him I write his name with a heart and a question mark. Exactly two weeks later someone confirms it with “Yes, signed your love.” I leave him a note just so he knows I’m reciprocating and the next time we see each other in class he’s really friendly and nice.

 

All the while another girl, a good friend of his who’s also in our class, starts going after him putting him in the situation of having to choose between the two of us. Even though we were making progress this relationship is still going really slowly and midway through the semester we still can barely interact outside of class. I also think I was probably his first choice since he kept pursuing me even when he knew the other girl liked him, but eventually he goes with her and I’m really hurt. Maybe he got tired of chasing me and decided to go for a sure thing. That’s fine. I completely understand and accept that I missed my chance. But his strategy to let me know he was going with someone else was to turn into a jerk and be cold and dismissive whenever I try to talk to him, and this change literally happened within a matter of days. Now whenever I pass him he still can’t confront me, won’t make eye contact and completely avoids me. A few weeks ago a mutual friend brought me up and he completely denied even knowing who I was.

 

To give some insight into his personality he’s a really cool guy. He knows how to handle himself, especially around women, but whenever I came around I could tell just how vulnerable he was to me. I also think that he’s genuinely a good person, so everything about his behavior is completely out of character. I on other hand tend to come across as confident and attractive, but difficult to get to know. I’m usually nice, but reserved and have been told that I intimidate men.

 

I’ve accepted that this is done and over with and I’m trying to move forward, but I can’t stop thinking about this. This is really the weirdest situation I’ve ever been in. So if anyone can give some insight I’d be interested in hearing it.

[boogieboy]

Learned your lesson eh? You already know what the answer is, theres no need to play hard to get. You made him react like he had to play aloof. When hes done with the new girl, then you will have another chance, but now you gotta put yourself out there. if you dont do that, you'll be back to square one.

[JeezLouise]

I don't think you know him well enough to say whether or not he is vulnerable to you, or that he really liked you.

 

If he really liked you, he would have done a whole lot more than write on your white board twice in a two year span. Especially since he knows how to handle himself around women.

[La de Longe]

True I don't him very well, but I have good sense of his personality. I pick up on body language, facial expressions, etc. really well so I could tell how awkward and nervous he became around me. Even guys who know to act around girls still sometimes get weird around girls they really like. I've looked at this situation from angle possible and if there wasn't something going on then he had no reason to go from warm and friendly to rude and avoidant as soon as he started dating someone else especially since the way I acted around him didn't change at all. He did do more than write on my board so whether or not he liked me isn't in question. I just f**ked up.

[JeezLouise]

So in the past year, while he is staring longingly at you and you at him and while he had your number, did you ever go on a planned date? Kiss? Make out? Second base? Third? Homer?

 

A man who really likes a girl and is comfortable and confident around women and who has her phone number will call her and ask her on a date. How many times did that happen?

[La de Longe]

I can see why a guy wouldn't call a girl if he still thinks she's going to reject him. Also, if we couldn't even say hi to one another when we passed each other the street I understand why he wouldn't call ask me out on a date. I think that's exactly the reason why he came into my building and wrote on my door, because he knew he couldn't call me, but still felt compelled to tell me how he felt.

[La de Longe]

I feel like I'm making a lot of excuses, but I also have to say that our school completely lacks the typical dating culture. The way people tend to start relationships is to become friends with someone first and then take it to the next level. I hardly know anyone who goes on planned dates. In my situation it was just really hard to get to know the other person. I could have done more facilitate that process though.