Resentment

[okiesweetie78]

Ok so I have been with dc for six years, married for two of the six. We have three kids. I didn't really care about him playing games excesively, didn't care about the porn up until recently when I accidently stumbled across a few personal ads. He listed himself as single with three kids. I realize that he didn't actually go out and do anything but this wasn't much better. I took it hard. So we fought over the stuff, I told him I was sick of the games, the porn, and how dare him list himself on any personal ad. We haven't had much of a sex life in a while and of course I blamed it on porn and possibly the personal ads.

It goes deeper than that though. He spends a lot of time on the computer and games and doesn't help with the kids or the house, if I ask him for help I have to wait, I always have to wait and with three kids and school I don't have time to wait so I end up doing things myself.

I talk and it never does anygood, things end with me feeling like it's me and nothing to do with him.

I asked him how he would feel if tables were turned on the cheating thing and he said he wouldn't care, I told him this hurt me later on and recanted his statement but I just don't believe that he would care.

He says the thought of me being with another man turns him on and I hate that. He has always want a threesome with me and another man which I have a big problem with.

I worry that if I don't do it then he will leave me and the kids to find someone more willing. I worry that if I go through with what he wants then it will ruin our marriage and put further problems between us.

I don't mean to ramble on but I am so frustrated and sick of talking and I resent him more and more everyday.

[TaraMaiden]

First of all either cancel the subscription to internet, or put a password lock on the computer when you manage to prise him away.

Then insist on counselling for both of you.

Then stop being a doormat.

 

Don't cook for him, wash his clothes or anything like that.

If he is separating himself from the family, show him what it would be like to be really separated from the family.

Shut him off.

If he wishes to live in a world of his own, let him.

 

This will take courage, determination and fortitude.

But you are a mother. Mothers are equipped with these qualities already, you know. Just dig them up and dust them off. if you needed these qualities to protect your children, you would find them.

Well, now you need them for you.

Find them!!

 

There is a woman in my parents' village who lost her builder husband in an industrial accident. She had five children, three of them under 5 years of age at the time. She coped extremely well, but was lucky to have a supportive community.

 

Please find a professional (priest, friend, anyone) to whom you can confide.

You need help and support, and if he won't give it to you, you will have to seek elsewhere.

 

if he goes somewhere else for his sexual gratification - then lucky you. You will be rid of him for good!!

he seems, from what you say, to be both redundant and worthless to the marriage.

if you want to change that, you must be active.

Decide what you really want - and then see whether you can engineer a result.....