Jagdpanther Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 hi there i have just split from girlfriend, she has been feeding me loads of mixed messages, signals, saying one thing and then not backing it up (she is also heavy into drink and on anti-depressants) have put post up 'i so lost'... Saying she is missing me, then when I call to say shall i come round she blows cold and makes me feel guilty. How mixed up is that? we are split now, i just cannot take anymore of her erratic behaviour, but i noticed in one of your other threads that you believe a lot of the time the woman is seeing an ex or someone, when these things happen. When i read that , i thought no, her mixed signals are because she is emotionally unstable (lots of baggage with previous relationships,). I found out that last night she bumped into her ex and went for a drink. Now I did know they had sent the odd text or two, because he owes her money, she did tell me that he text her the other day, and that she bumped into him 2 weeks ago. do you think there was something going on here? Have I been even more blind , idiot? or is it just parnoia . I know it really does not matter, in a way, we were split since thursday, she had already planned to go out last night, saturday, and we are split, albeit 2 days. i can get my head round , is it her drinking and alcohol and pills why this has failed, or is that she used me as emotional punch bag, and was having some kinda agenda with ex?
boogieboy Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 For my own piece of mind, I always assume that the girl is seeing someone else just so I'll have a reason to stay away from her. On this board, basically, if a women or man cant state a solid believable reason for a breakup, its usually because they are already seeing someone else. people repost weeks later that they found out their gf or bf moved on without them months before. it sux. She is sending you mixed message probably because she is feeling nostalgic, but it doesnt mean she wants to get back with you. That might be why she blows cold with you when you go see her. If she broke it off with you, it was for a reason, and she most likely wont tell you what the real reason is. People are cowards like that. I would guess her drug use kind of frazzles her mind, and maybe she isnt in her right mind, but only she can shake that off and get straight enough to know if she wants to fix things with you or not. WHo knows, maybe her ex is getting her more stuff. No matter what her situation is with the drugs or the ex, you dont want to be involved, or filling your hea with guesses of whats going on, it will just take a toll on your mental. If she didnt break it off with you, and was asking for help to kick her habits, I'd say stick with it and help her. But shes not, shes pushing you away. I personally wouldnt waste my time with an intervention. You cant force anyone to do anything they dont want to do, so you have to take yourself out of the picture to get her to start to see things clearer. You know what you need to do? Leave her cold turkey. Dont answer calls, texts, and dont call her or visit her. For at least a month. If she shows up at the door, dont answer it. She has to MISS you. Most of the time the women move on anyway, but cold turkey will help you heal faster than staying in touch if she does. I personally would try to find reasons to stay away from a person with these kinds of problems, theres plenty of drug free women out there. You didnt state her history, so I dont know if she started doing anti depressants because of her ex or what, but even worse, if she is, and shes still talking to him....ugh.
Author Jagdpanther Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 many thanks for coming back to me, she has always had drink problem, takes after father who she does not get on with. anti depressants were due to loss of husband, so there is lots of unresolved emotion and pain here I think too. the other day she said to me 'do you think i am a bad person' i said why , whats happened, she got all nervy and said i will tell you at weekend (she was drunk at time of saying it). Come that weekend she played it all down. So god knows what that was about. The mixed signals i have found to be very cruel and torture like. i will not contact or see her again. That is for sure. This whole episode has made me feel quite low and poorly. in the first week she told me that she was in love. I should have legged it then I know. I know I have endured this too long and been weak in many ways. I came across this the other day every time she acted moody or got upset, i interpreted it as her signaling me to fill some sort of "emotional" need in her. Then, like a good little worker bee, i try to fill their need by becoming their emotional punching bag. This, alas, ensued in her acting listless and aloof, and feeling less than an iota of ATTRACTION towards me. it really reminded me of how blind i have been with this person, filling your hea with guesses of whats going on, it will just take a toll on your mental. like i say, that is so true, the mental toll has been enormous, because i fell in to deep. She promised commitment and love and future, when I followed through she accused me of being like a love sick teenager and smothering her. How mixed up is that. I do feel really low and still confused, i have to let it go and stop trying to reason all of this, how can one reason with a person who is in such a dark place themselves and full of anger and depression. whether she had something going with ex, emm, i still find hard to believe, she did tell me she had the odd text, like i say he owes her money, i did see one text and there was nothing odd about it. She also admitted she bumped into him the other day. also with her current state of mind, I seriously doubt she had any spare capacity to offer him any kind of intimacy . She has always talked low of him too. Anyhow, who knows, i have to move on, and learn from all this thanks for getting back quickly, any further advice very welcomed thank
boogieboy Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Its not your fault, you didnt know what to do. Thats why we all came to this site. All of our eyes get opened up to things we could never have thought of.
kizik Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 I thought we weren't supposed to post user-specific threads?
boogieboy Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 We probably not, but I guess he did it because I cant get PM's yet.
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