Unhappy

[TrustInYourself]

I feel like I do not even know the woman I married.

 

We had an argument about the future. I am getting out of the military and told her she can not rely on me to figure out all the details and snapped on me. We are having a baby soon, so maybe I was insensitive by saying this.

 

I do not think that gives her a right to throw me out of the room, treat me like a stranger, and berate me for being an as**ole. Also, why does she think she can shove me and yell at me at the top of her lungs?

 

Maybe because I came back to her and wanted to work on things after she left me. I feel like I am taken for granted. I am not sure what to do, except stay away from her. Every time we interact, its a fight over nothing. I try and avoid arguments. I simply feel like my opinions, my thoughts, my feelings do not matter.

 

I am just venting. Not sure what action to take. We slept apart for most of the night, until she came to the same bed and asked if I wanted to talk at 3am. I declined. What good would come of it? I am not in the mood to let her rip me apart.

 

I feel I have regressed, from the point of my separation. I wonder constantly, whether or not I should have gotten back with my wife. I am concerned, that we were both better off apart. It really seems true, at this point, but perhaps that is just me recollecting based on my current emotions.

 

I want to get away from her. I want counseling, which is something I was not sure of before.

 

This is our first marriage and we decided to work on things, yet I do not feel like shes seriously interested. I feel solely responsible for the health of our relationship. I am most likely just being a selfish bastard, yet recognizing that I am, feels like I am betraying my true feelings.

 

I want to be able to talk about what I want, yet to do so, creates arguments. So now what? I am seriously trapped. Maybe this is the wrong forum for this, yet I feel comfortable posting here.

 

I wonder what things would be like if I just left. Does that make me a bad father? Probably, since I have a 3 year old daughter and a pregnant wife. I am selfish, thats obvious. How can I overcome the way I feel though? Ignore it? I certainly can not discuss it with my wife.

 

I think the major factor is I have been home alone the last 3 weeks, on convalescent leave due to surgery. I have no interaction outside her and my daughter. I am sick of this.

 

This afternoon, I have to deal with her and my emotions. I am not looking forward to it. I will just bottle up how I feel. Thats the only answer right now, or so it seems. Anytime I bring up my feelings, the conversation gets morphed into something else or redirected on how I am the reason she is hurting/sad.

 

Part of this, is because of how I am. I am willing to forgive too easily. I am willing to take responsibility too easy. I constantly listen to her opinion and try and see things from her perspective. She seems to enjoy making me pay for those traits.

 

Not sure what this post will accomplish. I worry about her reading this. I am currently sick of this cycle. I feel immature and selfish for even being on this damn board.

 

Thanks for listening to me vent.

[TrustInYourself]

Also I was told, that if I did not want to get a job, get health insurance, and be a bum, that she would go get a place with my daughter and our newborn child and live on her own until I decided to grow up and be a man.

 

That tells you a ton about her intent and what she values from me. Am I just someone providing stability? Is that what she values?

 

I provide security. Yet, when it is placed so bluntly in front of me, I find it repelling. If all I am, is a security blanket, why be with me. More proof that love has nothing to do with emotions. Love is just a tool for people to use on others to illicit behavior that they desire.

 

I grow more and more cynical every single day.

[skinman]

TrustInYourself,

So sorry to read what your going through friend. I wish I had some advice to offer you but sadly I dont I always looked to you for the advice. Know that I feel for you and can relate to exactly how you feel. Sometimes its difficult to speak your mind when you know it will cause friction with the wife. I found myself compromising my values and beliefs just to keep the peace. Knowing now if I had set better boundaries in the first place some things might not have happened like they did. As for your situation it seems you have gone above and beyond in trying to save your marriage and family for that you should be comended. I wish I had better advice for you man I really do.. I am just getting to a point where I am feeling good about my life and what lies ahead. All I can say is I wish you the best and your in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for being there for me.

 

Skin....

[Biggie25x]

Trust, I think you know the answer to your own question. Read your post and answer it like you would if it wasn't yours. I think you would find that in your heart you know what's going on.

 

I don't know the answer to your question. I wasn't able to save my marriage. I wasn't able to convince her that we could work it out.

 

I can use what I have learned since then to guess about a few things though. You say that you feel like she has more control in the relationship since you got back together. I agree. She does have more power because she's willing to walk away anytime. This creates a power imbalance and it seems like she is taking advantage of it. It takes two to make a marriage work. You know this. If she's not willing to put the effort in than she's using you as a paycheck until she gets to a better place financially. You know how walk away wives work.

 

I am not saying this is your situation but I think you need to analyze it for yourself. Is she using you? Is she biding her time and is she going to leave anyway when the kids get older? Is she truly in love or trying to get in love with you or is she more concerned with the security you can provide?

 

I think it's hard to make a marriage work out once it goes to the divorce stage without both parties trying as hard as they can to keep it strong. Try to work on the relationship with her without the kids. What does she think about going on dates together and leaving the kids with a babysitter?

 

I KNOW it doesn't make you a bad father. If you do decide to split you can say without a reasonable doubt that you and your wife have tried everything to stay together. It helps no one to stay in an empty relationship.

 

Sooner or later she is going to have to start working with you to stay together. She is going to need to want it as much as you do. You deserve this. From what I have read you are a good person. You deserve to be happy too. Don't let her destroy your sense of self worth and self respect. She doesn't get to. You are better than that. You know that using someone like this is not what love is. That it is love that has been distorted.

 

I think it is possible to save a marriage that was once on the rocks. Read marriagebuilder.com and what not. You can find some great articles there. I think you will find that the articles will also tell you that what is going on is not what is needed to save your marriage. That if you are going to bring your relationship back that it needs something else.

 

Please keep on posting. Let me know if I have helped or if you have questions.

 

Keep your chin up and work on YOU. Let the rest fall where it will. No one deserves your self respect and your dignity.

[Peace2]

When a woman is pregnant, she experiences some crazy hormonal changes that can make her emotions run wild. She may not have experienced these with your first child but is now having them with the second pregnancy. I said many things that didn't make any sense but seemed to make sense to me at the time. If this is what is happening to her, you just have to wait it out with patience and understanding. And by no means should you say to her that her hormones are causing her to act this way! This will just make her more angry. There is nothing you can say or do to her to make her reason with you. Just know that you are not crazy and this will all pass. It is part of having children. And by the way, it's not over when the pregnancy is over. There's post partum hormonal issues that have to be overcome. If she gets on birth control pills soon after the baby is born, that will help. Good Luck! Hang in There!

I feel like I do not even know the woman I married.

 

We had an argument about the future. I am getting out of the military and told her she can not rely on me to figure out all the details and snapped on me. We are having a baby soon, so maybe I was insensitive by saying this.

 

I do not think that gives her a right to throw me out of the room, treat me like a stranger, and berate me for being an as**ole. Also, why does she think she can shove me and yell at me at the top of her lungs?

 

Maybe because I came back to her and wanted to work on things after she left me. I feel like I am taken for granted. I am not sure what to do, except stay away from her. Every time we interact, its a fight over nothing. I try and avoid arguments. I simply feel like my opinions, my thoughts, my feelings do not matter.

 

I am just venting. Not sure what action to take. We slept apart for most of the night, until she came to the same bed and asked if I wanted to talk at 3am. I declined. What good would come of it? I am not in the mood to let her rip me apart.

 

I feel I have regressed, from the point of my separation. I wonder constantly, whether or not I should have gotten back with my wife. I am concerned, that we were both better off apart. It really seems true, at this point, but perhaps that is just me recollecting based on my current emotions.

 

I want to get away from her. I want counseling, which is something I was not sure of before.

 

This is our first marriage and we decided to work on things, yet I do not feel like shes seriously interested. I feel solely responsible for the health of our relationship. I am most likely just being a selfish bastard, yet recognizing that I am, feels like I am betraying my true feelings.

 

I want to be able to talk about what I want, yet to do so, creates arguments. So now what? I am seriously trapped. Maybe this is the wrong forum for this, yet I feel comfortable posting here.

 

I wonder what things would be like if I just left. Does that make me a bad father? Probably, since I have a 3 year old daughter and a pregnant wife. I am selfish, thats obvious. How can I overcome the way I feel though? Ignore it? I certainly can not discuss it with my wife.

 

I think the major factor is I have been home alone the last 3 weeks, on convalescent leave due to surgery. I have no interaction outside her and my daughter. I am sick of this.

 

This afternoon, I have to deal with her and my emotions. I am not looking forward to it. I will just bottle up how I feel. Thats the only answer right now, or so it seems. Anytime I bring up my feelings, the conversation gets morphed into something else or redirected on how I am the reason she is hurting/sad.

 

Part of this, is because of how I am. I am willing to forgive too easily. I am willing to take responsibility too easy. I constantly listen to her opinion and try and see things from her perspective. She seems to enjoy making me pay for those traits.

 

Not sure what this post will accomplish. I worry about her reading this. I am currently sick of this cycle. I feel immature and selfish for even being on this damn board.

 

Thanks for listening to me vent.

[TrustInYourself]

Thank you for your kind words.

 

The truth is I say nothing and bear the burden of my unhappiness for the sake of my family.

 

The truth is, I will be unhappy either way. My wife already acts like nothing has happened. It is just me that lingers on, avoiding her, isolating myself. She probably thinks I am being difficult or depressed or self-involved. Thats fine I guess.

 

I guess tonight I make the choice of forgetting all of this and moving forward with my emotions. It was easier being alone, but does that make it right? I can not convince myself that divorce or separation is the right thing to do. It is just not in me.

 

So now I recommit myself and forget how I feel. I worry, that someday, I will not have the strength to continue and everyone will blame me for feeling so lost and leaving this marriage. At least someone knows how I feel, even if you do not truly know me.

[TrustInYourself]

My problem is I am a childish ****er that puts himself first. I am here venting and feeling sorry for myself because my wife treats me accordingly when I get out of line. I am an *******.

 

So, there. Two days of me being a douche bag. What does that tell you about me and my advice.

[badbrit]

Trust man, stop right there, I am very familiar with your story and remember what was it, a year ago sitting here with singledad and you banging out the posts.

 

You guys had a shout of reconcilliation whilst I didnt and I was the most cut up fella in the world. I was beyond distraught, I was suicidal, obsessed, crazy, world had ended. I had been through it in a three month seperation in 2006 then she dumped me again in march last year. The last two and a half years of our relationship was her in the driving seat, me busting my testicles to make it work and watching it all slip away. I put up with stuff, bit my tongue all to keep the peace. She could do what she wanted, act how she wanted and it was fine because she had the power, she could walk away at any time when I clearly never would. We have a child together etc etc and looking back, I am sooooooooo glad I never had a chance after we finally split as I moved on and i swear, it was the best thing for me.

 

God, I cannot explain how amazing it is to lead a normal life without that strain, that hassle, that soul destroying situation, that walking on eggshells, that going to bed every night and hoping that the next day she would tell me she really loved and valued me, that it would be a normal 50-50 situation again. Every day it never happened.

 

Some might say that "hey, she fell out of love dude, it happened" and so nothing wrong with her.

 

I have two elder kids from a previous marriage and always had them staying since i left their mum in 2002 and I was with this last ex, mum of my son for 5.5 years. Well now I am once again an attentive and proper dad to my elder girls (10 and 13), I work hard, I have good friends, i go out and do nice things, cook proper meals, live with a new partner who is amazing and loves the kids and has a career (compared to the ex who hasnt worked in years). We cook together, all eat together, have a puppy, a nice new home that is always clean and tidy, go to the park, weekends away, the theatre etc. We have a normal life.

 

The ex on the other hand lives in a small dirty dive, never cooks properly, never ever cleans - the house is beyond chaos, it is literally clothes, plates, mail, cups, toys, bras, shoes, belts, magazines EVERYWHERE. She is rubbish at looking after our son - she drops off our boy and the clothes in his bag need drying for example), she goes out drinking on weekends, sleeps with ALOT of random men, she sits in alone most nights on facebook, she looks rough, she has a bad name as a whore around town, she bums around, does nothing, is a tramp, has bad interaction with our son, puts him second, never puts herself out for him, wont even potty train him (he is three and a half), cannot get him to sleep in his own bed etc etc etc when he has always slept through at my house, used the potty when I decided enough was enough and tried him on it, takes an hour and a half to eat at her house and only 20 mins at mine etc etc

 

The point is, I look at you and what you say and know it was not me, it was her and the same applies to you. Such a shame that you got a second chance because life would have been normal again and you should have left her and her snags behind. I look at my ex with disgust and pity.

 

I thought I would die without her, in reality I actually began living again without her.

[KTMRider33]

Badbrit, your post gives me hope.

I'm a long way from where you are now, but, I see me in so mutch of what you say, especially the going to bed hoping that it will all change in the morning.

I am struggling to see that life without her will be better.

But I'm comparing it with how life was........but not how it is NOW.

When you find yourself in this situation I suppose you hope life will return to how it was, but it never can, and being on your own and building a new life is sooo much better than living the Hell of how it is now.

Thank you

[Biggie25x]

Trust, sometimes there is nothing left for you to do. Sometimes the other person becomes a stranger that you don't know anymore. Only you can answer that question. Was she like this before she got pregnant? Is this just a continuation of that behavior? If not than the hormonal thing becomes more relevant. If so, than I think the above poster may be right.

 

It's a tough situation to be in. I commend you for having the guts to try to work it out. Most of us would have given a lot to have had that chance with our exes. Have you guys looked for outside help and advice on what you need to do to work through this?

 

I may not know your exact situation but I know the pain you are going through. The emptiness you feel because it feels like a part of yourself and a part of your soul is missing. The destruction a bad marriage can have your mental state.

 

Don't bear it all yourself though. If she won't talk with someone with you that talk with someone without her. Here and elsewhere. Don't bottle these emotions up or one day they will explode. Don't live a lie so that one day you look back and wonder what happened to my life. Don't stay with her if one day she is going to leave and leave you wondering what happened.

 

Marriages are hard and are not 50/50 but 100/100. It takes all the offort of both people to make them work. If only one person puts that into the relationship than it will not work. It can't. The aggressor always sets the ground rules and in this case the person who is willing to walk is the aggressor. She sets the ground rules and it sounds like she knows it and is using it to her full advantage.

 

What has she done to express her desire to stay with you? What has she done to prove to you that you are not just a pay check? These are questions that you need to ask yourself about her.

 

What have you done to make her desire to stay with you? What have you done to express what you need out of this relationship? What have you done to express the problems that you feel? Not attacking her but having a conversation with her at the right time.

 

If you can't talk about these with her because you are afraid of the answers than that in and of itself is an answer. You can't go through life sacrificing everything you are. No one can bear that burden for long and ultimately it will lead you to be a person she won't want to be with anyway.

 

Are you two doing anything to work on the relationship, together? When was the last time you were out without the kids?

[dead-dyke]

When a woman is pregnant, she experiences some crazy hormonal changes that can make her emotions run wild. She may not have experienced these with your first child but is now having them with the second pregnancy. I said many things that didn't make any sense but seemed to make sense to me at the time. If this is what is happening to her, you just have to wait it out with patience and understanding. And by no means should you say to her that her hormones are causing her to act this way! This will just make her more angry. There is nothing you can say or do to her to make her reason with you. Just know that you are not crazy and this will all pass. It is part of having children. And by the way, it's not over when the pregnancy is over. There's post partum hormonal issues that have to be overcome. If she gets on birth control pills soon after the baby is born, that will help. Good Luck! Hang in There!

 

For what it's worth T, I would echo this. If Peace2 hadn't wrote this, this is what my opinion would have been. Everyone can be selfish, but you are not anymore selfish than she is being. She won't ever say she's being selfish, but in the near future she may come to terms w/ this, and realize how hard she's being on you. Every action gets an equal and opposite reaction, right?

 

Your frustrations are justified. I hope you don't take this as condescending, because it's not meant to be. I think this is one fight that will have to play itself out, and time is the only cure if there is one. Maybe you have ultimately talked to her, I don't know, but next time she asks to talk, it's probably not a bad idea to calmly tell her how her actions are making you feel. Plus it sounds like a really good dose of cabin fever is in this mix, which doesn't help matters either. In this state she's in, there won't be anything you could do or say that will be right. I have no personal experience w/ pregnancy and the slanted attitude that goes w/ it, but I've seen friends go through very similar situations like the one you're dealing w/ firsthand.

 

I had forgotten that you and the wife had a bun in the oven, so to me that explains a lot about your recent concerns. From the outside looking in anyway.

[badbrit]

Dude sorry but the last couple posts are totally wrong, probably because they are not familiar with your story and back-history.

 

First, they are correct about hormones charging, pregnancy being a difficult time, changes, insecurities, emotions running wild etc and that a man should understand that and be supportive etc. That is all 100% on the money. However this is not your situation in my honest opinion.

 

Your wife told you she no longer felt the love she needed, she asked you to leave and you did. Her eyes were empty and she had no love left for you. You went through hell and fought and fought but she did not care. You had to remain in contact due to a shared daughter.

 

Then you got back together and the whole time, before she was pregnant, she was not communicating or caring how you felt. There was that crap about your career change situation and you couldnt talk to her. You were too scared to voice your feelings in case she ran off again if I remember right. She used to call you stupid and needy for feeling how you did right?

 

I am so sorry, but I have learnt in life that once it is screwed, it is screwed nearly every time. Once the love/spark/whatever has diminished, it never comes back. The wounds/damage runs too deep.

 

Once someone falls out of love, it never properly recovers. Arguing, cheating, fights and stuff can be fixed as long as love is still there BUT once love is diminished, it is 99% of the time dead. The embers may still glow on and off for a while and short term reconcilliations happen, but it is dead. Happily ever after is not going to happen.

 

I split with my ex for three months in 2006 as she fell out of love. But there was still something small burning in her. So i managed to reconcille and we were together for 18 months more before the final break. In that time her love never really recovered, I was too scared to say anything because it may set her off again. I felt like I had to be perfect and keep my mouth shut and put up with any crap just to keep her in the house and near me. I was living not even a half life, it was horrible. Me sacrificing everything as I did not want to lose her completely. She on the other hand had the power and could do what she liked when she liked and say what she liked.

 

It just never recovered and I was fighting a losing battle. I loved her HUGE and she loved me little. Eventually it dwindled and dwindled inside her until there was not even a slightly glower ember. She dumped me a second time and never looked back.

 

I was ready to kill myself for a long time but now look back and realise that she is only flesh and blood and not even that nice a person, not a good person and nothing special about her. SHE should have been fighting to keep ME not the other way around. I worked hard, treated her like gold, helped massive with our son, holidays, new car for her, cooked, cleaned, worked, affectionate, dependable, honest etc and she was none of that and did nothing - no working, no cleaning, no cooking, no affection, nothing.

 

I now have a girlfriend who is "normal" and to which makes me see how wrong my ex was, how everything to do with her was and is a diaster area. I can even see how all the red flags were there from the day I met her and I knew it at the time but ignored them. NEVER ignore them, they are often correct.

 

I wish I never met my ex (except we have a son so if i never met her, would not have him), I lowered my standards and how i lived to her level. Now I am me again, normal, happy, loving, great with all my kids, work hard, have no upset or stresss or feel insecure and it is amazing.

 

What I have learnt from it all is this

1. Red flags need to be addressed. If you spot things early then you need to look carefully and not be "pussy blinded".

2. People do not change so never see 70% you like and 30% you hate or which is not good traits and think they will lose those bad traits because they wont.

3. Never lower your standards or drop to someone elses low levels

4. Never sacrifice who you are. You should fit together how you are with little compromises on both sides to adjust to being together, but two totallly different attitudes to life and love will never work.

5. Once a cheater, always a cheater

6. Once you hit the rails, a bad situation of lost love, once you are fighting and they do not care or seem to consider your feelings, once they have lost the spark for you, once it goes from 50-50 to 90-10 it is time to walk and never look back.

7. Never surrender yourself. Love should be about togetherness, equal, respect, shared interests, similar beliefs and attitudes, consideration, happyness etc.

 

In my situation. Before I met my ex I was happily married, two great kids, owned a nice home, had my own business, good friends etc. Then i got tempted by some sexy blonde skirt and my life was going out drinking with her, arguing, a rented hell hole that she never cleaned, her cheating, insecurities, me so obsessed/depressed/unhappy/pre-occupied with keeping her that I neglected my kids, my business failed and now I am not with her I again own a nice home, run my own business well, have a great family time, good partner, me and the gf and my three kids do stuff together all the time, good family, etc etc

 

Before her life was good and I was mentally settled. With her I was a bad horrible, screwed up, low standards person. Since Her I am again happy, good life etc.

 

Before me she was a 28 year old girl who hardly worked, who had slept with over 60 men, had a bad name, had been in trouble for stealing from a charity, lived in a hell hole, was scruffy, depressed, attention seeking, no future, no money, not happy. With me she had money, a future, stability, a family etc and I tried to get her to live properly. After me she is back to the same old rubbish but now is 34 years old single mother who is drinking massively excessively on weekends, sleeping with a lot of random men (ish about 9+ in our 14 month split), has a bad name, lives in a tatty hell hole, is selfish, drops our kid off to her mum for one or two nights a week so she can go out and drink (I also have him a couple nights a week), etc etc

 

Before me she was a cheap tart, with me she was a nightmare but had some stability, since me she is a cheap tart.

 

Hmmmmm

 

Trust, do you hear what I am saying? You cannot be lowered by someone else and your problems go way way way back. It was dead and has not recovered. She fell out of love and I dont think it is ever coming back

[TrustInYourself]

Thanks for the replies, I try and limit my time here of late. Perhaps I should stop in and post more frequently, because the replies I get are amazing. I appreciate it.

 

Addressing my situation, I am not sure what the situation is. I have let myself go physically. I am no longer ignoring her, yet there is tension. I frequently communicate my needs, problems, issues and she stresses over them. I guess my separation taught me many lessons that six months of being married again, seem to have eradicated.

 

I am eloquent, understanding, positive, but there are concerns about how we communicate. I am fairly extroverted with my emotions, she is introverted. I like to create conflict and thrive on loud, screaming matches. We are different. Thats not a deal breaker though, I mean we love the people we love because of their imperfections and differences. Who would marry an exact copy of themselves? lol!

 

I think the pregnancy is playing a huge part in this. Shes stressed and the hormones and all that comes with having a new baby on the way are creating part of this situation. Another part, is the fact that I have been home from work the past month, with little to no other human interaction, other than her.

 

Was she like this before the pregnancy? I saw glimpses of similar behavior prior to and during our separation. It frightened me then and thats why I decided to post here to get your thoughts. I thinks its pretty dangerous for her to suggest that I find my own place, if I do not want to work after she has this 2nd baby. I find it alarming when she orders me out of the room, because she does not want me to see her naked. It freaks me out when she shoves me, screams, goes ape****, throwing stuff at me, etc.

 

I think my problem is that now I can not escape or rely on living alone/separation to sort out my feelings and use that absence to be perfect towards her. I can not live completely disconnected and only focused on myself. I have to be willing to put her feelings before my own, and it has to be done on the fly, in the moment without any hesitation or lack of commitment. I have to choose to not allow her anger, her outbursts, her lack of understanding to influence who I am and how I behave. Thats hard, because I am right there in the moment.

 

Is staying in control of my emotions and being hard to read, as opposed to easy to read, a betrayal of who I am? I do not think so. Thats hard to answer. I feel like if I let her see the worst of me, I allow myself to be manipulated emotionally.

 

Is my marriage over? Maybe, lol. No marriage lasts forever. At some point, due to death or divorce or w/e else is out there, one person will be left behind. I have a mindset now, that I know I can survive this and anything life can throw at me, due to my separation.

 

I choose my fate. Right now, I choose temporary insanity with her, over losing my wife. I could be very, very wrong. I could be making the worst mistake ever. But I do not want to allow fear to control how I live my life and the decisions I make.

 

Its hard for me to understand how I am being. I think I might be letting her off easy. Not paying attention to my own feelings. Letting her control the relationship, etc.

 

So the question is, do I just chill out and smile and let things play out? That is probably the best answer for right now. I put myself here.

 

To be honest, I blew off her outburst and she was being very nice to me and caring the last few weeks.

 

Now my mom is here visiting and tensions are torqued all the way back up. Not sure how to react to her comments about my mother, who is a bit wacky to say the least. Its still my mom though, and makes things difficult.

 

Well, I am done ranting. Let me know your thoughts. Take care!

[Gunny376]

If your in the military, stay there!

 

As long as you Can!

 

You get out?

 

Look at working at third shift at a 7-11

 

Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force?

 

Doesn't Matter!

 

Out here?

 

You're a ZERO!

[badbrit]

Trust, I do not say this lightly and only do because I have followed your story for a long time but yes, i think the marriage is dead in spirit but alive in body only.

 

Sorry but that is how I see it. I have been there, done it, lived it like so many others and it is only with a lot of time removed from the situation that you get proper perspective of it all. Hindsight is a wonderful thing I guess.

 

It is only now I am removed from my situation and emotionally disconnected that I can see the truth and in my situation and many others the truth is you are living with someone who does not love and respect you enough and/or living with someone who is not on your level emotionally or capability wise.

 

Often I see these situations and when most people look back years later they do so from the position of what they always wanted - a happy life with stability, love, respect, togetherness, security, shared interest, communication and just a good, steady life. The only thing different to how they wanted it is that the person they wake up to each morning and experience this is not the person they originally wanted it to be but trust me, they are glad it is not that someone.

 

Also normally the person they had tried so hard with has gone on to live the same up and down, crappy, turmoil filled, drama infested, insecure life and normally with a revolving door amount of people. They often do not go on live a productive and settled life with anyone because they have run or ruined many situations but have not been able to run away from the real root cause of their situations, screw-ups and unhappiness - themselves. I predict that in 20 years time you will be happily married to a nice woman, living a nice life productively and the not yet-ex will still be living the same crap on probably her third or fourth husband and that she will end up alone and bitter. Luckily, like me, you have a child with this woman and so will always be in a position to see it all unfold.

 

Sure, sometimes, often in fact, someone just falls out of love, dumps you, moves on, is a good person and meets their life partner one day and lives happily ever after. So I do not want anyone thinking I am talking about all situations of someone being dumped, I know the back story of the original poster here and am talking about situations involving one person just trying to live and one person just being an emotional defunct.

[TrustInYourself]

If your in the military, stay there!

 

As long as you Can!

 

You get out?

 

Look at working at third shift at a 7-11

 

Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force?

 

Doesn't Matter!

 

Out here?

 

You're a ZERO!

 

Wow, so gloomy. You and my wife have the same outlook and perspective on my decision to get out. Unfortunately, I have other plans and ambitions in life, other than the service. I look forward to the challenges of being a 7-11 sales clerk.

[TrustInYourself]

Trust, I do not say this lightly and only do because I have followed your story for a long time but yes, i think the marriage is dead in spirit but alive in body only.

 

Sorry but that is how I see it. I have been there, done it, lived it like so many others and it is only with a lot of time removed from the situation that you get proper perspective of it all. Hindsight is a wonderful thing I guess.

 

It is only now I am removed from my situation and emotionally disconnected that I can see the truth and in my situation and many others the truth is you are living with someone who does not love and respect you enough and/or living with someone who is not on your level emotionally or capability wise.

 

Often I see these situations and when most people look back years later they do so from the position of what they always wanted - a happy life with stability, love, respect, togetherness, security, shared interest, communication and just a good, steady life. The only thing different to how they wanted it is that the person they wake up to each morning and experience this is not the person they originally wanted it to be but trust me, they are glad it is not that someone.

 

Also normally the person they had tried so hard with has gone on to live the same up and down, crappy, turmoil filled, drama infested, insecure life and normally with a revolving door amount of people. They often do not go on live a productive and settled life with anyone because they have run or ruined many situations but have not been able to run away from the real root cause of their situations, screw-ups and unhappiness - themselves. I predict that in 20 years time you will be happily married to a nice woman, living a nice life productively and the not yet-ex will still be living the same crap on probably her third or fourth husband and that she will end up alone and bitter. Luckily, like me, you have a child with this woman and so will always be in a position to see it all unfold.

 

Sure, sometimes, often in fact, someone just falls out of love, dumps you, moves on, is a good person and meets their life partner one day and lives happily ever after. So I do not want anyone thinking I am talking about all situations of someone being dumped, I know the back story of the original poster here and am talking about situations involving one person just trying to live and one person just being an emotional defunct.

 

Your reflections are based on your current emotional state and reality. Reality will be molded to fit your current emotional state.

 

Interjecting your personal experiences into my experiences is probably natural for most people, however you are not in my shoes. Perhaps, I am the person that quote unquote...

 

Also normally the person they had tried so hard with has gone on to live the same up and down, crappy, turmoil filled, drama infested, insecure life and normally with a revolving door amount of people. They often do not go on live a productive and settled life with anyone because they have run or ruined many situations but have not been able to run away from the real root cause of their situations, screw-ups and unhappiness - themselves. I predict that in 20 years time you will be happily married to a nice woman, living a nice life productively and the not yet-ex will still be living the same crap on probably her third or fourth husband and that she will end up alone and bitter. Luckily, like me, you have a child with this woman and so will always be in a position to see it all unfold.

 

Not to say I am, but I definitely no angel. I am not perfect and I deserve a great deal of the responsibility for any lost love.