Amy35 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Hi guys....hope everyone is well. How does everyone view Loyalty and what is their own personal definition of it? To me it means allegiance and faithfullness. The ability to be faithful and loyal to your partner, and allegiance as in a team, like I would display loyalty as having my partner's back....supporting him if he required or needed that from me. The reason for me asking and even questioning myself over my interpretation of loyalty is that recently I got into a spat with my sister....of which said sister involved my BF by messaging him and spouting all kinds of carp. I felt betrayed by my sister....but that is a hole nother story! Anyho....yesterday BF asked if things ok between sis and I...I said No....and I choose not to talk to her as I am sick of her dramas and toddler tantrums and guilt tripping me with emotional manipulations. He said...."Just apologise to her....she doesn't want to hear your explanations....just do what she wants" He asked how things were first, I didn't really feel like talking about it as the situation had robbed me of enough of my time as it was....but as it was my BF asking....so you go with talking and sharing how you feel. So to be told to "Just do what she wants" upset me. I hoped he would say something along the lines of "Gee that must hurt" or something else stunningly validatory....(Lord my expectation levels are sky rocketing ) but instead I felt invalidated and like he showed no loyalty to me....I wasn't looking for fixing or his opinion....He asked, I shared...then I got judged and told what to do!!!! It's bummed me out to be honest....I feel like the guy isn't loyal and that he possibly wouldn't defend me if required to do so. I haven't spoken to him about it....I'd rather get centred and rational before I do, or even IF it warrants a discussion. BTW....known each other just short of a year....me 36 (mental age 84) him 38 (mental age 12) :p:p:p:p He is lovely....we are getting to that "Now lets start to show our foibles" time and sometimes I am a bit like Thoughts....define Loyalty!!!
TaraMaiden Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Loyalty is being true to yourself, so that others will never question your integrity. Your partner was trying to point out that maybe in this case, there was a question in his mind about whether you were entirely justified in your approach. I would hate my partner to lie to me in this way, even if it did illustrate that I might be wrong. He is intensely loyal - and that kind of loyalty is underpinned by love and respect. Your partner was being true to you. He respects your integrity and honour. So if he sees something that would undermine that, he has pointed it out. You are lucky to have a man who holds you with enough trust and regard to feel he can be this open with you. Do not project onto him what you want him to say and think. Respect the fact that he is able to be so open. This is his way of defending you. pointing out the anomaly that might prevent this issue re-arising.....
Author Amy35 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 Loyalty is being true to yourself, so that others will never question your integrity. Your partner was trying to point out that maybe in this case, there was a question in his mind about whether you were entirely justified in your approach. I would hate my partner to lie to me in this way, even if it did illustrate that I might be wrong. He is intensely loyal - and that kind of loyalty is underpinned by love and respect. Your partner was being true to you. He respects your integrity and honour. So if he sees something that would undermine that, he has pointed it out. You are lucky to have a man who holds you with enough trust and regard to feel he can be this open with you. Do not project onto him what you want him to say and think. Respect the fact that he is able to be so open. This is his way of defending you. pointing out the anomaly that might prevent this issue re-arising..... Wow thank you....I hadn't considered the fact he COULD say that to me, felt comfortable enough to be able to be that open with me. I am that with him too....sometimes what I say may hurt....but it comes from a good place....like if he is being/acting like a twonk....and he asked my opinion....I would tell him he was being a twonk. I'd rather be honest than lie.... And thanks for saying that I am lucky.... The way of preventing the anomaly from happening again would be some super strong duct tape..... (oh and peeps knowing I have a very warped sense of humour sometimes ) Thanks TM....
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